can't get his ex outta my mind

LegacyUser

This is so stupid compared to alot of peoples other problems and I'm 29 and should know better but here goes

I'm obsessed that my guy isn't over his ex, and what's more that he should be with her not me. We've been together 7 months and everything is great. In fact he has told me that he can see himself being with me forever and having kids with me.

The thing is his ex broke up with him 2 years ago. They'd been together nearly 3 years and he was totally heartbroken and devestated, did everything he could to get her back.

This girl is a stunner too. She's the total opposite of me, a complete beauty. I just can't seem to stop comparing myself to her and wondering why he's with me not her. He's got alot of issues (sex, trust) which are the result of his relationship with her, and even thoughg he says that he's not over the destruction it caused, that he is completely over her, wants me and thats it.

But sometimes I wonder if he would go back to her if he had the chance? I wonder what would happen if she rang him and said she wanted him back. She was his first love. The thought really scares me. I wonder, given the choice, would he choose her.

Of course it doesn't help that there's nearly 2000 pics of her on facebook, we all 3 of us have mutual friends. She's everywhere looking amazing. What makes it worse is that my boyfriend is in a huge amount of the pics with her. And there are loads of them kissing, all over each other etc.

I just can't help but feel that I'm his second choice

Miss Fluff

You're going to have to stop this OP. Everyone has a past and everyone also has free will. If he didn't want to be with you then he wouldn't be with you, it's as simple as that. Surely him saying he sees a future with you and wants to have babies with you goes some way to reassuring you that he's serious about you?

If I were you I'd block her on Facebook so you won't see any photos of her in future. I'd also put your mutual friends up on restricted view so you can wean yourself off the snooping, it seems to be adding fuel to the fire.

silly

Oh girl...... I was in the exact same position as you a few years ago...

Only this girl did get in contact ALOT. She tried her damned hardest to get him back. The the heartbreak he had felt during the breakup was enough to make him stay well clear. I treated (and still do!) him very well, whereas she used to hurt him alot.

We are now married and never been happier.

Put this girl out if your head, they are broken up for a reason. You will only push him away if you start having major jealousy issues over her.
Keep calm and stay happy!

LegacyUser

OP here. Ive taken the advice and blocked her and photos of her on fb etc.

Such strange things bother me about her.

Like the fact that he still has her number in his phone. I don't know why but that really bugs me. Why would he ever need it again?

Even with X-mas coming up I imagine he's thinking about her and the wonderful X-mas' they had.

I know he's said that he want's to marry me and have a family...but to me it just seems like I'm his second choice. How can I be sure I'm not?

curlzy

Hey OP,

First of all *BIG HUG*, that's a awful way to be feeling. Insecurity is a nasty emotion. I think you did right by blocking her. I think at the end of the day you're going to have to make that leap of faith and just trust the man you love and I mean really and truly trust him that he loves you and wants you and it certainly sounds like it does. If he has trust and insecurity issues from that relationship then she was hardly a catch and I'd say he realises that. Also looks definately aren't everything so stop driving yourself made by comparing, I'm sure your loveliness is just as obvious to those around you.

Best of luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke

SuchASillyBilly1 wrote: »

OP here. Ive taken the advice and blocked her and photos of her on fb etc.

Such strange things bother me about her.

Like the fact that he still has her number in his phone. I don't know why but that really bugs me. Why would he ever need it again?

People generally don't delete numbers. not to derail but I think it relevant - do you read through his phone? That's a really bad idea for someone with jealousy issues in a relationship.

Even with X-mas coming up I imagine he's thinking about her and the wonderful X-mas' they had.

I know he's said that he want's to marry me and have a family...but to me it just seems like I'm his second choice. How can I be sure I'm not?

You can't be sure. Though most people don't worry about this. See I think that if this girl didn't exist you'd be focusing on a girl he works with. Or his neighbour etc.

I think you feel you're not "good" enough for him. Maybe he is out of your league maybe not - though he is going out with you and has given you reassurances.

Essentially you need to sort yourself out. Improve your self esteem and confidence

dellas1979

At the time, yes, he probably did want to get back with her - he was in love with her, but now he is no longer in love with her - he is in love with you!

Physical attraction is obviously a big thing in a relationship, but what supercedes that are things like breaking someones heart, trust issues. Doesnt matter what you look like.

Im wondering why you have such bad self esteem issues! She didnt cause them, and neither did he.