Obsessed with buying a house

LegacyUser

I am a single man of 38 and I still don't own my own home. It's my own fault; I made some poor career decisions after I did my leaving cert and had to return to college when I was 29. I got my degree and am now in a fairly stable job but sadly not earning enough to apply for a mortgage (25,000).
I have 20,000 put away that I plan to use for the deposit but I need to be earning a bit more. I am happy enough in my present job but I am looking to move so I can get 30k.
I know I should be grateful to have money in the bank and be in employment when there are so many families in financial difficulty but it's really getting me down that I have to house-share at my age.
It's a blow to my morale when I see so many other people my age and younger with their own homes. I feel embarrassed and inadequate in their company.
My sister is married and she and her husband own their home. My parents have land that they have offered to me to use as a guarantee for my mortgage but there is no way I will do that.
I am very ambitious and independent, I want to do things myself (I'm 38 FFS).
I am applying for jobs frantically and constantly doing send/receives on my email in the hope of a reply, I try to forget about it for a while but I can't, I think about it 24/7.
I won't get a raise in my current job; we are not making enough money.
My mother says I am lucky and I know I am but I want to make my own luck. It's very frustrating.

Oryx

You want this to happen, then start researching. Talk directly to your mortgage advisor in your bank if you havent already. You can get mortgage approval, in theory, before you find a house. View houses. See whats available for your budget. Get a feel for the whole thing, including rental values, rent a room schemes etc, to see if there is a way you can raise extra revenue from your property.

Its a long time since I bought my first house, just as the market was beginning to rise, but like you I bought alone and on low wages. Its a very scary but empowering thing to do.

BraziliaNZ

Why don't you consider renting on your own? Buying property in Ireland has caused nothnig but misery for thousands of families, don't get caught up in the Irish property ownership disease.

COYW

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Why don't you consider renting on your own? Buying property in Ireland has caused nothnig but misery for thousands of families, don't get caught up in the Irish property ownership disease.

Buying a property with repayments within the bounds of your earnings is not a bad thing. If the OP sticks firmly within his budget, owning a property is a good move for him at his age.

BraziliaNZ

COYW wrote: »

Buying a property with repayments within the bounds of your earnings is not a bad thing. If the OP sticks firmly within his budget, owning a property is a good move for him at his age.

Not if the euro collapses, and the world economy, and it's worth 50% of what it's worth now in a few years, and you're paying far more than it's worth when you could have rented on your own for half the price of your mortgage. Seriously OP, "obsessed" with buying house is not a good thing. Keep saving, think about renting on your own, and if you ever have a partner/kids then maybe think about buying, it's just not necessary now.

Beruthiel

That's a sizable deposit OP.

Have you researched co co shared ownership scheme at all?

That's how I started out many years ago.
Get in touch with the Co. Co. in your county and find out if you qualify.
You can only get into the scheme if you are earning under a certain amount of money per year.
Find out if you are eligible.

Basically, how it works is yourself and the co. co. buy a house. You can buy the house/apt anywhere within their jurisdiction.
You pay half the mortgage and for a small fee, rent the other half of the mortgage from the co. co.
I did this and as my circumstances changed, I bought their half out.
It worked very well for me at the time as I was on low income.

LegacyUser

I'm a single female, earn 24k gross and I applied in July to BOI for a mortgage of 100k for a house I really liked. I had a deposit of 30k available. I was approved without any problems.

What worked in my benefit was that I'm in the same steady job 5 years fulltime and a couple of years part-time before that, and while I don't earn very much, the company I am with is going very well and my job is likely to be safe and stable for the foreseeable future.

I would say apply to a few banks and see how you get on. I didn't try any other banks as I've always dealt with BOI, but everyone told me the banks aren't lending, etc. Totally untrue, IMO.

The Corinthian

I can understand an 'obsession' with home ownership, to a degree. A house is a potential asset which holds it's value over long periods (bubbles aside) better than money in the bank. A mortgage can in certain markets work out cheaper than renting too, or rental income work out as relatively profitable.

However, you really should consider a house as an asset investment and in as dispassionate a fashion as possible as there are many cases where there are better places to put your nest-egg and the legal and practical responsibilities of home ownership can be a serious headache in this day and age where moving town or even country may be required to earn a living.

At 38, with a college degree, I'd have to say that 25k p.a. is an incredibly low salary, IMHO. Before you think about buying a house, I think you need to examine why (even if you started your career late) this is the case any how to improve your earning potential.

Further education, moving you in a more lucrative career direction, is an option, as it taking on further responsibility in your current job (which will end up on your CV). Emigration is also something you should strongly consider, especially if you can already speak more than one language. Increasing your earning potential, is by far the best investment you can make.

Then you can buy yourself a house or apartment, but put down significantly more at purchase and pay it off in 15 years or less.

Beruthiel wrote: »

That's a sizable deposit OP.

Is it? I hadn't realized that property prices in Ireland had dropped so much :eek:

LegacyUser

The Corinthian wrote: »

At 38, with a college degree, I'd have to say that 25k p.a. is an incredibly low salary, IMHO. Before you think about buying a house, I think you need to examine why (even if you started your career late) this is the case any how to improve your earning potential.

Further education, moving you in a more lucrative career direction, is an option, as it taking on further responsibility in your current job (which will end up on your CV). Emigration is also something you should strongly consider, especially if you can already speak more than one language. Increasing your earning potential, is by far the best investment you can make.

It's more than low; it's ridiculous. I have spent some time out of work since I got my degree (four years ago) but I have two years experience and am doing a wide variety of stuff in my current position.
I was on 30k there a couple of years ago but had to leave that job for reasons I don't want to go into.
You suggested further education,maybe I could do that but I feel after 5 years in college I am educated enough (I am teaching myself new things in my current job when I can;I'm a software developer).
I have examined why I ended up on such a low salary after all my effort and some of it was poor decision, other parts were not my fault.
I feel my boss is taking the p*** out of me every day having me working for that salary considering how much stuff I do in here.
Even on this salary I could apply for a mortgage but I'd feel better if I was on 30K or more (which I feel I deserve,recession or no recession; you still can't expect to employ good people for nothing).
It's more a self-esteem/ego thing to have my own place really. I want to get on in life, move up, achieve something, it's not greed or materialism, just a personal thing.

foxyboxer

OP, I fail to see how you can feel inadequate in the company of people who 'own' their homes where majority would have a mortgage and in essence do not own the house at all. Do you feel like a failure because you have to house share? Since when does being in debt make someone a success?

If you do 'buy' a house then why not take your parents land and have it as an asset. It would be an inheritance after all. Consider it an early one. Could this not be used as collateral in the loan application? If you really want to fast track the mortgage then you should swallow your pride, thank your parents for the generosity and get on with the business of applying for a mortgage.

ManOfMystery

OP, you have to look on the positives in this situation.

If you had bought a house years ago - say around late 20s, or early 30s like a lot of people do - it's more than likely you'd currently be sitting with negative equity and a house worth far less than what you paid for it. That's the reality facing thousands of homeowners in Ireland since the economy and housing market imploded.

Also, with the housing market as it is currently, it's good for buyers .... if not for sellers. You're in a position now to buy a house which may have been outside your budget 5+ years ago when the market values were much higher. Your chances of negotiating a reduced price on a house you may like are also much greater now as people find it harder to sell for the value they really want.

As foxyboxer said above, very few people 'own' their homes outright. They have a mortgage on it, but until that's paid off they don't fully own their home.

At the moment, you have freedom of choice and aren't tied down with payments you can't afford on a house which is worth half what it was. A lot of people would actually love to be in your shoes.

Look on this situation as a good thing, not a bad thing ............ 'owning' a house is not the be all and end all. I rented for a long, long time whilst friends around me snapped up houses, and for a short time I too had a feeling of inadequacy until I reminded myself that most of my friends were sitting with a £100k+ debt (which is essentially what a mortgage is, no matter how you word it) and I had no debt. Buying a house - when the time is right - is certainly something to aspire to do, especially if you're building a stable home for a family. But don't forget that a mortgage is a heavy burden on anyone's shoulders in this day and age.

The Corinthian

foxyboxer wrote: »

OP, I fail to see how you can feel inadequate in the company of people who 'own' their homes where majority would have a mortgage and in essence do not own the house at all. Do you feel like a failure because you have to house share? Since when does being in debt make someone a success?

It's a perfectly common feeling for many men in their mid thirties who have not 'achieved' certain goals. At 38, single, house-sharing and on a low salary, two things are likely to hit a man; first is the obvious dawning that you're not immortal and that you will reach an age when you won't be able to live pay-cheque to pay-cheque and so you must consider providing for yourself in your old age (also because snagging a rich wife and becoming a home-maker is not a very viable option for men).

Second is that you're not really in a position to settle down and start a family even if you wanted to if you're just about able to pay for yourself, let alone a mother and child.

And finally, there's the question of peer pressure. Not only, as he mentioned, are many of his peers (or younger) already home owners, but many are probably married, with families and he probably feels left behind.

If you do 'buy' a house then why not take your parents land and have it as an asset. It would be an inheritance after all. Consider it an early one. Could this not be used as collateral in the loan application? If you really want to fast track the mortgage then you should swallow your pride, thank your parents for the generosity and get on with the business of applying for a mortgage.

Depends on what his parents have and the number of siblings he has; if he's one of five kids and his parents have a small semi-detached house, he's not going to get far on his share of the 'inheritance'.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

If you had bought a house years ago - say around late 20s, or early 30s like a lot of people do - it's more than likely you'd currently be sitting with negative equity and a house worth far less than what you paid for it. That's the reality facing thousands of homeowners in Ireland since the economy and housing market imploded.

Very true.

As foxyboxer said above, very few people 'own' their homes outright. They have a mortgage on it, but until that's paid off they don't fully own their home.

No, but he'd be some way down the road to owning it in a few years. The older you get, the fewer the options you have; the length of your mortgage is ultimately capped by retirement and this in turn can mean that either your repayments have to be higher or the mortgage smaller as you grow older, thus limiting your options.

I'd agree that the OP is lucky he didn't buy during the bubble and that property is not something that someone should go into because of an emotional desire to do so, but I do think that it is also perfectly normal for someone in his circumstances to have such feelings and that it is more a question that he process and find a solution to them rather than pretend that they're simply foolish.

The Corinthian

Lenny99 wrote: »

You suggested further education,maybe I could do that but I feel after 5 years in college I am educated enough (I am teaching myself new things in my current job when I can;I'm a software developer).

By education, I don't mean college. There are numerous certifications that one can do part-time that can add to your bank-ability. Additionally, you need to consider branching out from straight development; analysis, management, specializations (DBA, SAP, etc) and so on, and look into courses and qualifications in these areas (PRINCE, etc). This is particularly true of software development.

I feel my boss is taking the p*** out of me every day having me working for that salary considering how much stuff I do in here.

Stop whinging. I'm not saying that to be cruel, only that the more you focus on how bad you have things the less time you'll have to focus on making them better. Set goals, then examine how you can achieve these goals, then set a plan to do this. Then do it - don't overplan and overthink it all.

After that it's a question of willpower, hard work and a little luck. Fortunately once you're on your path to your goals, this will quickly filter back to your self-esteem and ego, long before you achieve them, as you will have purpose in your life once more, which is what you are presently missing.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

OP, you have to look on the positives in this situation.

If you had bought a house years ago - say around late 20s, or early 30s like a lot of people do - it's more than likely you'd currently be sitting with negative equity and a house worth far less than what you paid for it. That's the reality facing thousands of homeowners in Ireland since the economy and housing market imploded.

I know plenty of people of who that has happened to and it doesn't seem to bother them; water under the bridge as far as they are concerned. Apart from those who paid 250k+ for a house in Celtic Tiger era and now have lost their jobs; I really feel for them.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

As foxyboxer said above, very few people 'own' their homes outright. They have a mortgage on it, but until that's paid off they don't fully own their home.

I know what you're saying; by the time you actually "own" your house you are maybe 50 or older. But they still consider themselves to be the "owner" of the house.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

At the moment, you have freedom of choice and aren't tied down with payments you can't afford on a house which is worth half what it was. A lot of people would actually love to be in your shoes.

Maybe, but they have had their own house for maybe ten years by the time they are my age. That's why I feel like a failure.

foxyboxer wrote:

If you do 'buy' a house then why not take your parents land and have it as an asset. It would be an inheritance after all. Consider it an early one. Could this not be used as collateral in the loan application? If you really want to fast track the mortgage then you should swallow your pride, thank your parents for the generosity and get on with the business of applying for a mortgage.

No, I won't take a brown cent off my parents.I owe them; they helped me financially through college (I would estimate it cost them 4k). They are in their mid 70's now; that gives me very little time to do something for them in the time they have left.
Ideally I would like to give them a s***load of money but I don't have it so the next best thing is to buy my own place to live without relying on them.
It's something I have to "fix" if you know what I mean. I haven't much time but if I get a higher-earning job I could do it. I know I would feel really dissatisfied if they passed on without having been "paid back". My mom is always saying I'll have my own house and I don't need to worry because of the land. I've tried to explain to her politely that from a personal pride point of view I don't want that but it's like talking to a brick wall.
This obsession of mine with owning my own home has reached such a crescendo that I have a good mind to go and buy one without waiting to get a better job.
It's driving me insane,I think about it doing the shopping, in the shower, watching TV, in the gym, everywhere, all the time.

missyb

Hi, if you can afford it there is nothing wrong with wanting to buy a home, it definitely has its advantages, but this pressure and the feelings of inadequacy because you dont own a house is utter maddness, whether its real or in our heads it in a small way contributed to the housing frenzy of the past few years and that hasnt helped anyone. You need to decide if it is a practical and worth while thing for you to do right now, whether you can take on that responsibility and whether you can afford the repayments, if not then dont do it simple as.You are NOT a failure because of it. These so called measurements of achievement are other peoples and transitory, why get into debt to fit in?


I havent achieved any of the things I'm apparantly supposed to have at my age but the stuff I have done I am delighted with,though unlike owning a house or being top dog at work they are meaningless to most people, just not to me. I had to live in a couple of other countries for a time as well and while it was certainly an option, owning a house was not seen as better or worse than any other living arrangement. These people did not fail to provide for their families when they passed on either and had pensions ect,the idea that only home owners are concerned with security and leaving something behind for loved ones is simply not true. Look at your savings, so many people would love to be where you are, you had the back bone to step up, acknowledge your mistakes career wise, and then you educated yourself, that shows a level of self awareness alot of people dont have. So many people stay in jobs they hate because they dont want the humbling experience of starting again, you had the guts to do that, im in the process of taking a big risk and I may fail badly but I wont have regrets, you wont either in the long run.

There are a million ways to live, home ownership is one, a good one but it is not the definitive or superior way, its just another way. There is nothing wrong with where you are in life, fair play to you for educating yourself and making a change. 2 fingers to anyone who makes you feel otherwise, people only make you feel inferior with your permission.

LegacyUser

I'm a year older than you and rent on my own.

While I would like to buy a place, I am thankful that I never did buy one and be tied down to a house in negative equity.

House and apartment prices are still falling.

What do you think your folks would prefer: you giving them a chunk of cash or you to be under less stress?

When you say that you haven't achieved anything that you are supposed to have achieved at this age, what does that even mean? By whose standards?

You're single and you probably don't need a house....

But, look on line. There are plenty of properties for sale under 100k in Dublin if you want to sink your money into one of them.

Pride can get in the way of rational thinking at times. Your mother wants to help you out. Let her. She has said you can have the land - so why not stop obsessing and relax about it. You haven't achieved what you had hoped to and that can create feelings of inadequacy.

BTW, are you single? Do you see a property as something that will make you more attractive to women?

And ask yourself this, would you have been happy if you had bought at the height of the boom and now had a place that was in negative equity?

LegacyUser

I hope to get an interview soon for a job with a 28k salary. That's not a maasive increase on what I am on at the moment but they are a better company than who I am with now.
I take on board what you are all saying but I still feel "less" of a person in the company of those that own their own home.
I hate going to my best friend's house; I feel embarrassed there. The last place I worked in they used to always talk about their houses at lunch so I had lunch at my desk I got so sick of it (not jealous;just envious).
I met a nice girl but when I found out she had her own house I lost interest.
I can't do a lot of things until I scratch this particular itch.

tenchi-fan

Op, I think you should meet with the bank and see how much they approve you for. You might be surprised.

If you leave your current job you can rule out getting a mortgage for at least 12 months.

If you leave it any later you may struggle to get a 25-year mortgage.

LegacyUser

Lenny99 wrote: »

I hope to get an interview soon for a job with a 28k salary. That's not a maasive increase on what I am on at the moment but they are a better company than who I am with now.
I take on board what you are all saying but I still feel "less" of a person in the company of those that own their own home.
I hate going to my best friend's house; I feel embarrassed there. The last place I worked in they used to always talk about their houses at lunch so I had lunch at my desk I got so sick of it (not jealous;just envious).
I met a nice girl but when I found out she had her own house I lost interest.
I can't do a lot of things until I scratch this particular itch.

Your issue isn't not owing a house, it's lack of self-esteem and self-worth.

These people with their houses could be divorced tomorrow, kicked out....could be made redundant, could be told they're terminally ill.

Do you think having a mortgage on a house will make you happy? It won't, I guarantee it won't. There will always be something else making you feel inferior.

You need to make yourself content with your lot and desperately borrowing a heap of money won't help you do this one bit.

LegacyUser

I understand how you feel. I'm 37, single, sharing a house. I enjoyed myself too much in my younger years so I don't have a lot of savings to show for it. If I think about that, it bothers me a bit but I don't dwell on it. Not having my own house used to bother me but not so much now. My overwhelming feeling at the moment is one of relief that I didn't scratch the itch when I had it.

There is no point in looking backwards. You cannot change what has happened in the past. You have things in your favour. You have a job, you have savings and you're still relatively young. More importantly, you're not one of the many people who are living in houses that they'd buy now for tens of thousands less than what they paid for. Most people aren't going to turn around and tell you that they regret buying when/what/where they did but I'm sure there are people in your circle of family and friends who experience these feelings.

You really need to get over this feeling of inadequacy. Owning your own house isn't going to transform your life. Sure, it will mean that you can spend Sunday afternoons in Woodies looking at paint charts and lampshades but it's not going to transform your life. If you are not happy in yourself, do you really think a house is going to cure all ills? You sound like someone who's driving themselves crazy with this obsession.

Slow down and try to take stock of things. Keep putting aside money each month if you can spare it. If people are cheeky enough to ask you why you never bought, tell them you felt the property market was over-priced and you decided to stay out of it for now.

You might feel that time is running out for you but with house prices coming down, you'll surely be able to afford something in time. I don't know where you are living but there are people in my circle who have bought houses recently in the midlands for between €80k and €120k. Not in estates in the middle of nowhere either but in good sized towns. It might help too if you get your stuff together and go find out what you could theoretically borrow. There's no harm in asking. If you have solid information, it might help settle you down.

LegacyUser

Having a mortgage isn't all it's cracked up to be. I had one, but was lucky to sell up before it all went tits up.

It didn't make me happy one bit. It made me even more miserable, as I was tied to the bloody thing. Couldn't do a thing without making sure my mortgage payment, insurance, life insurance and god knows what was ok. Not only that, but I was tied to my job then too, cos I couldn't just leave and bugger off out of the country for a few months without covering the damn mortgage and all that.

After selling, I quit my boring job and went travelling...something I always wanted to do and that was nigh on impossible with a mortgage.

I will be reluctant to dive into another one...all those who were snapping up houses in Ongar and Sallins are all stuck there now, with the useless transport links and everything else they are saddled with for the foreseeable future.

The grass isn't always greener. You should ask some of those if they would swap €20,000 in their bank account to be out of their mortgage debt free.....many would jump at the chance.

Sala

I think you probably could get a lot more money as a software developer - 25k is in my opinion very low for someone of your education and experience. What I would do is focus my attention on upskilling, getting yourself out there and looking for new opportunities. Work on your CV, your interview skills, and identify any areas where you could improve. Register with loads of recruitment consultants and see what comes up. If I were you, I would tackle the work issue before thinking about buying a house.

And bear in mind, if you are suffering from low self esteem, this is probably not only related to not owning a house - this could have a potentially negative impact on your job search.

Firetrap

Another thing too. If a better paid job is what you're after, you have the current advantage of being able to up sticks and move if you have to.

The Corinthian

Firetrap wrote: »

Another thing too. If a better paid job is what you're after, you have the current advantage of being able to up sticks and move if you have to.

Depends on what having a property means to you. Unfortunately, for most, there is this unrealistic expectation that it is their home, that they will live in, rather than a realistic attempt at an investment. People are too emotional about property.

In this day and age, unless you are in a trade or profession that effectively guarantees that you will never have to migrate for work, such an expectation is regrettably flawed and likely to become a liability rather than an asset. This is not to say that owning a property is not a good idea; but in most cases you're better off owning an investment property rather than one where you live in.

You can own a property you live in when you retire (it doesn't even have to be the one you buy now), until then just treat it as an investment.

LegacyUser

Sala wrote: »

I think you probably could get a lot more money as a software developer - 25k is in my opinion very low for someone of your education and experience. What I would do is focus my attention on upskilling, getting yourself out there and looking for new opportunities. Work on your CV, your interview skills, and identify any areas where you could improve. Register with loads of recruitment consultants and see what comes up. If I were you, I would tackle the work issue before thinking about buying a house.

I've been for a good few interviews recently and if I was prepared to move geographically I would be in a new job and on a higher salary already (I am not in Dublin). I am registered with all the recruitment agencies, I search and apply for jobs every day. I would like to get some certification in my spare time but I did that a couple of years ago and had a minor nervous breakdown so I am reluctant to put myself under that kind of pressure again.
I feel I have sacrificed a lot to get to this stage and I'm content enough that I have achieved some of my goals. I always wanted to be able to call myself a Software Developer and became obsessed with it. Now I am obsessed with wanting to call myself a Home Owner (as well as paying back the money I owe to my parents).
I won't rest until I have done these things, I feel I have to do them in order to feel good about myself.
One point someone made there is that if I change jobs I might be turned down for a mortgage? Don't know if this is true.
I am impatient for success in career and personal life. I wish I could be like others who don't care what other people think of them and live in rented accomodation and don't bother trying to get a better job. They are happy to have their few pints at the weekend and holiday every year. I'm not knocking them; they are probably a lot happier than me.
I set myself goals and am disappointed in myself when I don't reach them.

LegacyUser

Lenny99 wrote: »

I've been for a good few interviews recently and if I was prepared to move geographically I would be in a new job and on a higher salary already (I am not in Dublin). I am registered with all the recruitment agencies, I search and apply for jobs every day. I would like to get some certification in my spare time but I did that a couple of years ago and had a minor nervous breakdown so I am reluctant to put myself under that kind of pressure again.
I feel I have sacrificed a lot to get to this stage and I'm content enough that I have achieved some of my goals. I always wanted to be able to call myself a Software Developer and became obsessed with it. Now I am obsessed with wanting to call myself a Home Owner (as well as paying back the money I owe to my parents).
I won't rest until I have done these things, I feel I have to do them in order to feel good about myself.
One point someone made there is that if I change jobs I might be turned down for a mortgage? Don't know if this is true.
I am impatient for success in career and personal life. I wish I could be like others who don't care what other people think of them and live in rented accomodation and don't bother trying to get a better job. They are happy to have their few pints at the weekend and holiday every year. I'm not knocking them; they are probably a lot happier than me.
I set myself goals and am disappointed in myself when I don't reach them.

Right now, in the current economy, the bank looks for someone in a steady job, the more years in the same job, the better. Someone 3 or 4 months into a new job will NOT find it easy to be even considered for a mortgage.

See the previous post of the person on similar salary to you who was approved for a 100k mortgage, and their continuous employment with a company that is going well certainly helped.

I think changing jobs and then applying for a mortgage certainly would not work in your favour. You would at least have to be a year or so in the new job before the bank would even consider you.

I work in the financial sector and that is how it works from what I can see.

The Corinthian

Lenny99 wrote: »

I would like to get some certification in my spare time but I did that a couple of years ago and had a minor nervous breakdown so I am reluctant to put myself under that kind of pressure again.

This is unusual. I get the impression that, for whatever reason, you don't deal with stress very well compared to most others. Naturally this is going to limit your options in terms of career - perhaps you should seek professional help to deal with this.

One point someone made there is that if I change jobs I might be turned down for a mortgage? Don't know if this is true.

If you are in your probationary period, then this would be a factor in you getting a mortgage, although that does not mean you'll get turned down.

I set myself goals and am disappointed in myself when I don't reach them.

Set yourself more flexible goals then, like an over-arching goal of achieving 60% of your other goals. This means that you won't need to achieve all your goals, which is realistic because all to often things in life can happen that will prevent or delay you from doing so, but if you've at least achieved most of them, you've achieved something.

Indeed, being on the path to one of those goals is an achievement in itself; you'd be amazed how many people never get past the 'planning' phase.

Sala

Could you rent your own flat or little house? If house sharing is getting you down this could be a short term option? If you are not in Dublin you may be able to afford this?

Firetrap

I don't think this will help him as he's obsessed with buying his own place. I also think, reading his posts, that he is an unhappy person who has latched onto home ownership as the magic bullet that will solve his problems.

Oryx

OP, given the things youve said in your thread, be prepared for your insecurities and lack of self esteem to move onto another 'out of reach' goal once you get your house. The degree didnt do it, the job didnt do it, it seems every time you achieve an ambition, your lack of fulfilment focuses on something else. Not saying you shouldnt buy a house, but recognise how your head seems to work. Happiness doesnt come just by ticking these lifestage boxes.

Firetrap

I think you need to sit down and try to figure out what sort of person you actually are, rather than the one you say you are.

I'm a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. So while you say you're ambitious, you're in a job that isn't paying an awful lot relative to your skill set. I wonder too would you be wanting to leave if this house thing hadn't arisen in your mind? You've not gone chasing the money to Dublin, for example but have been content to sit where you are. I'm not knocking that, by the way, just making an observation. Added to that, when you did do a course you had a minor breakdown.

It makes me wonder are you driving yourself nuts because you're not the person you wish you could be? It might be time for you to downgrade your expectations and be happy with your current lot. That instead of being a high flyer, you'll be happier in a little cottage in the countryside doing your own thing. The one thing that's coming across from your posts is that you're somewhat passive aggressive, angry at yourself but lacking the wherewithal to direct it into something constructive.

As an aside, if you are this frantic in your desperation to get a new job, you run the risk of coming across as too eager and intense in interviews.

LegacyUser

Firetrap wrote: »

I think you need to sit down and try to figure out what sort of person you actually are, rather than the one you say you are.

I'm a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. So while you say you're ambitious, you're in a job that isn't paying an awful lot relative to your skill set. I wonder too would you be wanting to leave if this house thing hadn't arisen in your mind? You've not gone chasing the money to Dublin, for example but have been content to sit where you are. I'm not knocking that, by the way, just making an observation. Added to that, when you did do a course you had a minor breakdown.

I didn't want to return to this thread but feel I must respond to the above:
Actions do speak louder than words; which is why when I was in my crappy factory job and was unhappy I took action to change this; going back to education at 29 to get a degree and a job in IT (succeeded on both counts). Wanted a better quality of life in that job (and better experience) so I learnt a new programming language (and put up a website built on it). Left that job and after six months on the dole eventually got a job in the area I wanted. Now I am discontent in this job because I have a years experience where I have solved a lot of probelms that took considerable technical ability yet my salary does not reflect this.
I didn't go "chasing the money to Dublin" because I don't want to live in Dublin, I want to live in the city I am living in at the moment. It wouldn't make much sense to get a job in Dublin on a larger salary in order to buy a house when I have no intention of living there.
I am not "content to sit where I am". I have been proactive;applying for jobs, researching the company when called for an interview, learning about what they do.

Firetrap wrote: »

It makes me wonder are you driving yourself nuts because you're not the person you wish you could be? It might be time for you to downgrade your expectations and be happy with your current lot. That instead of being a high flyer, you'll be happier in a little cottage in the countryside doing your own thing. The one thing that's coming across from your posts is that you're somewhat passive aggressive, angry at yourself but lacking the wherewithal to direct it into something constructive.

I don't think I am lacking in wherewithal; read what I wrote above to prove that.
I am maybe a bit angry at myself but that's just to motivate myself to do something better.
A man's reach should always exceed his grasp.

Firetrap wrote: »

As an aside, if you are this frantic in your desperation to get a new job, you run the risk of coming across as too eager and intense in interviews.

Good advice, I will take it on board

Gone West

either your boss is taking the piss or you are a very poor software developer.

LegacyUser

Fuzzy wrote: »

either your boss is taking the piss or you are a very poor software developer.

I can assure you it's the former. It's a start-up company that I joined at the beginning. There is myself and two others. One is someone from jobbridge (so is not getting paid a salary); he has a cert in software dev from ten years ago and hasn't worked for two years before this.
The other has no software dev experience whatsoever. I took the job on a low salary because I thought in a year's time we would be turning a profit but mainly due to the wildly optimistic predictions of my boss (not to mention his failure to employ more staff) we have failed to do so. Hence no revenue, no money for salary increase or to take on more people.
I have had a few calls from agencies and the like but not anything in the location where I am now (don't want to say to preserve anonymity).

Firetrap

I hope it works out for the best for you. Stop comparing yourself to your friends and beat your own path.

I dunno if this is going against the charter here but there was an article in this morning's Irish Indo that caught my eye. New figures show average home has lost €145,000 in value since 2007 peak

AROUND €145,000 has been wiped off the price of an average house in Ireland since the peak of the property boom, latest figures suggest

.

Etc. etc.

I don't want to turn this into a thread about the housing market but maybe you should be looking at this and thanking your lucky stars you didn't have the money to go looking for a mortgage. If you play your cards right and get a better job, you'll yet make it and get what you want.