Concerns about hair loss getting me down

LegacyUser

Probably a common enough issue for many here but this is seriously taking its toll on me

I'm a male, in my early thirties, and up until recently enough, had what I considered to be a fairly decent head of hair. But over the past two years, I've become increasingly obsessed with my hairline, and what I perceive to be hair loss. I say perceive mainly for two reasons;
- my own girlfriend,who has become very exasperated with my obsessing over this, doesn't think it's receding at all
- compared to many of my peers, and plenty of younger males, my hairline isn't really that bad

I genuinely want to believe it's all in my head, but deep down I know it's not. When I look at pictures of me a few years back, my hair looks fuller, different. The thought of losing it sickens me to the stomach. I've never really been confident in my looks and don't consider myself to be particularly good looking. I've worn glasses since I was thirteen, and was delighted to get rid of them thanks to laser surgery a few years back. Then my eyesight reverted and it was back to wearing the specs. This was another blow to my confidence, and I felt sorry for myself and hard done by. Others I knew had got the same done, and it lasted. Why not me?
I'm at a stage now where I can't pass a reflective surface without checking my hairline. It's the first thing I do in the morning. A few minutes later, on the way to work, I'm checking it in the mirror in the car. It's something that preoccupies far too high a percentage of my day, and I wish I could stop it.
The worst thing is, and I know this probably sounds like a ridiculous statement, but baldness is something that really wouldn't suit me. I'm 6ft, and quite thin in body and face. I honestly think that were I stocky or muscular, it wouldn't matter as much. But with my build, and the glasses, I worry that I'll end up looking like Larry David or something similar!! I realize how ridiculous this all sounds, but I'm really at my wits end about this. What also concerns me is that due to my very limited finances, I'm not in any position to take any remedial steps should I wish to do so. Surgery is out of the question, nor could I afford any haircare products.
Sorry if I come across as a self-obsessed idiot. I'm just really, really down as a result of all of this and I don't know what to do.

TwoShedsJackson

Can you shave your head, or at least cut it reasonably close if that wasn't an option? Then keep it short. Looks good on a lot of men, and it is great not to have to worry about maintaining a hairstyle etc Buy a clippers for €40 odd and get your girlfriend to cut it, that'll save you money too.

I started shaving my head about 12 years ago, even before I pretty much went bald anyway, but it's great, and seeing as my Dad is bald as a coot I was expecting it to happen anyway.

Try not to let it affect your self-confidence too much, especially if, as you say, your girlfriend thinks it's fine and it's really fine compared to others. Adapt to what's happening, rather than trying to fight it.

Oryx

You wont remain looking how you do now, you are going to age. You cant help that. You may be affected by baldness, but changing body shape and the dreaded wrinkles will arrive at some stage too. You have to learn to accept this. Right now your hairline is just a symptom of your insecurity. You need to begin talking up your good points in your own mind rather than focussing on something as insignificant as your hairline, which I guarantee you most people wont give two hoots about.

Taltos

OP - I am going to suggest something abit left field here.

Would you consider going to your GP and bring along your post with you?
The reason - I think they need to see how much you appearance or your perception of your appearance is impacting your wellbeing.

Believe it or not how you look really does not define who you are - it is more your perception of yourself. Even that actor you mentioned - I would hazard that quite a few women would be attracted to him - not because of his lack of hair - but maybe more due to his apparent self-confidence, his comfort in his own skin and just how he presents himself.

I could go on more and as a shaven headed individual really the best advice I can give you right now is to reach out for help in learning how to cope with your ever changing body. So speak with your GP and ask (demand) some help here.

fungun

Im probably further down that line than you and in mid 30s. Keep your hair short, 1-2 blade and it doesnt look too bad.
Does it make you look older? Yes. Does it make you less attractive? Not necessarily at all....might just make you a bit out of reach of the young wans but thats no great loss. Hair loss by itself does not make you look weird.....if worried about your looks from what you have stated, the first thing I would do is get yourself a nice pair of glasses, thats much more 'upfront' than your hair.

And y'know what. I have to say I actually *like* the perspective it gives me. I am mid 30s, not 25, so why should I be pissed off I don look 25. And the reminder that I am ageing is a great reminder to get out and do the things I want to do and not be arsing around thinking that I have forever, just because I still look young. To have that in the mirror every morning is a great perspective.

A lot is in how you choose to see the positives and negatives.

Unregistered39

fungun wrote: »

the first thing I would do is get yourself a nice pair of glasses, thats much more 'upfront' than your hair.


+1 A great pair of glasses is very attractive*, particularly so when hair isn't detracting from them.



*Avoid the Justin Bieber-ish big frames if at all possible.

Beruthiel

hairtoday wrote: »

I'm just really, really down as a result of all of this and I don't know what to do.

Jean Luc Picard always looked hot with a bald head.

I know looks are import to us all OP.
How we perceive ourselves is important.
However, at some point, we all have to come to terms with what age does to us.
For instance, I started getting my first grey hairs at age 12!
I'll never forget it, a bint of a nun thought it would be amusing to point it out to everyone in my 6th class. She upset me enough at the time to still remember that.

Coming to terms with how you look takes time.
You need to point out to yourself on a regular basis that this is life.
That we will not be a god/goddess for ever.
That while your arms and legs still work count yourself damn lucky.
The outside may change, but if you can be proud of who you are as a person, that is what is important at the end of the day.

It's probably not what you want to hear, but it is an inevitability that we will all age.
It is something that we all must come to terms with.
Celebrate the fact you are alive and healthy.

foxyboxer

OP I started to go thin when I was 18. I was in denial about it until I was 22 until I got it all buzzed off and try to keep it trim with a mach 3 blade each week.

You're not the first to start going bald and won't be the last. It's a reality and you have to accept it. If money was no option you might be tempted by a transplant a la Wayne Rooney but to me doing that would make you feel more insecure about it as it's a pathetically vain attempt at clinging on to youth. Go bald with grace and dignity because bald can be cool too.