Crimbo meanderings

eternal

Ok,so I am going to be alone this Christmas.I would like some feedback as to how I will manage.Any ideas appreciated.

Stheno

moved from tll

ElleEm

What do you mean, 'how you will manage'? How do you think you will manage? Is it not by choice or somethin? Fill your days with indulgent things you love to do. Dvds, baths, lovely food, go for a walk,read a book. Just do normal stuff you would do when alone!

eternal

ElleEm wrote: »

What do you mean, 'how you will manage'? How do you think you will manage? Is it not by choice or somethin? Fill your days with indulgent things you love to do. Dvds, baths, lovely food, go for a walk,read a book. Just do normal stuff you would do when alone!

No it is not by chance.I spend all my time alone when I would prefer not to.That is why I asked how I will manage.

Neyite

If you dont want to do a pampering christmas, would you consider volunteering at a charity like a homeless shelter or others that appeal to you like childline /samaritans? Even if you are just making tea for the staff there in case you cant get trained up to be hands on in time for the day itself, its still worthwhile to help whatever way you can.

Or even an old folks home, or old folks in your area that may not have anyone to share a cuppa with for the day. An old folks home might have some lonely lady who would love a visit.

Chinafoot

eternal wrote: »

No it is not by chance.I spend all my time alone when I would prefer not to.That is why I asked how I will manage.

You have to remember, it's just a day.

I'm going to be alone this Christmas due to an unworkable family situation and I'm viewing it as just another day. I don't place any major value on Christmas as to me it's always been a boring day where you eat too much and just feel sleepy. But thats just me.

Spend your day watching your favourite films, reading a book, watching tv, whatever.

I know I'm probably not being too helpful but I enjoy time alone and I guess I can't understand those that don't.

eternal

Neyite wrote: »

If you dont want to do a pampering christmas, would you consider volunteering at a charity like a homeless shelter or others that appeal to you like childline /samaritans? Even if you are just making tea for the staff there in case you cant get trained up to be hands on in time for the day itself, its still worthwhile to help whatever way you can.

Or even an old folks home, or old folks in your area that may not have anyone to share a cuppa with for the day. An old folks home might have some lonely lady who would love a visit.

I was thinking that myself.I am a trained chef but am pretty ill.I applied to cook for the homeless but they did not accept me which was surprising to say the least.Yeah,I need to chin up.

TwoShedsJackson

Christmas has been blown out of all proportion by the media and society in general. It is just another day, particularly if you are not religious, and though it is nice to spend the day with family etc. there are times when this is not possible.

Do what sunflower suggests and treat yourself to a day in, make yourself some nice food and have a couple of glasses of wine, stay warm and comfy and relax.

December 26th will arrive soon enough.

Wompa1

eternal wrote: »

No it is not by chance.I spend all my time alone when I would prefer not to.That is why I asked how I will manage.

Where is home? If you don't mind me asking? Is it that you can't afford to go home?

neuro-praxis

There are some lovely suggestions here.

Do you have any friends? Perhaps you could spend the day minding yourself - eating your favourite foods, watching your favourite films and reading a good book. Then in the evening you could call round to a friend with a bottle of wine for a few hours? We are always glad of guests at our house - don't imagine that everyone has a "family only" policy on Christmas day. We don't.

I don't know if you've got faith of any kind but perhaps in the morning you could go to a service somewhere? That would allow you to connect with some other human beings. In my church we have breakfast together on Christmas morning and the place is always packed with both regulars and strangers. There might be something like that happening near you?

Above all else, take a positive attitude towards the day. Your outlook will make things ten times easier. Best of luck.

eternal

There are some great ideas here.Thanks guys!

LegacyUser

What is different about christmas to any other day?

eternal

resaga wrote: »

What is different about christmas to any other day?

Because Christmas is the time to come home and be with family.To be honest,I can not believe someone would ask such an obvious question.It is why it is called Christmas,i.e the birth of jesus.Goodwill to al men and that.

Chinafoot

eternal wrote: »

Because Christmas is the time to come home and be with family.To be honest,I can not believe someone would ask such an obvious question.It is why it is called Christmas,i.e the birth of jesus.Goodwill to al men and that.

With all due respect OP, not everyone places the same value on Christmas as you do and given that not everyone believes in christianity/catholicism/whatever, chances are you will encounter people who don't place any importance on the day that celebrates the birth of jesus.

Ultimately, it is just another day. There will still be 24 hours, there will still be another day after it, and your family will still be there at the end of it. If you can't spend the day the way you want to then, in the nicest way possible, suck it up. There is no point in having a meltdown over something you can't change. Instead you should do whatever you can to make the day a nice one for yourself. Only you know what that will be.

curlzy

Hey OP,

It's really hard that you'll be alone when you don't want to be I'm not going to tell you "it's just another day" because that view is the exception, the vast majority of people don't view it like that and I doubt it's helpful to you to try to get you to see it that way if you don't. There's no point saying you don't feel upset/lonely etc if you do, it's bad for mental health to bottle feelings up so it's good that you recognise that you're a bit down about this.

Now with that in mind, the suggestions here really are brilliant. I know you said you offered to cook for the homeless and didn't get accepted but maybe try the simon community? They are always doing great things and I'm sure they could use a hand. Or as someone says an old folks home may have people that won't be getting a visit. Check out http://www.volunteeringireland.ie/ for more ideas.

Remember OP, there will be other people in your position too so don't feel bad, it's not just you. So yeah I think by helping out others less fortunate you'll meet up with people, feel really good about how you've spent your day and will also have helped someone else. I really think this is the best way to go if you want to finish the day with a warm christmassy glow.

Big hugs and Merry Christmas OP!

neuro-praxis

Chinafoot wrote: »

Ultimately, it is just another day. There will still be 24 hours, there will still be another day after it, and your family will still be there at the end of it. If you can't spend the day the way you want to then, in the nicest way possible, suck it up. There is no point in having a meltdown over something you can't change. Instead you should do whatever you can to make the day a nice one for yourself. Only you know what that will be.

No need to be so harsh, Chinafoot. Seems unnecessary. Also, not all of us have a family before, during, or after Christmas.

curlzy

neuro-praxis wrote: »

No need to be so harsh, Chinafoot. Seems unnecessary. Also, not all of us have a family before, during, or after Christmas.

Have to agree with this. Christmas can be an extremely distressing time for people who feel isolated. Telling someone to "suck it up" isn't useful, in fact it could have serious consequences if that person is already feeling very down. Remember that Christmas can be a very troubling and lonely time for alot of people.

Chinafoot

neuro-praxis wrote: »

No need to be so harsh, Chinafoot. Seems unnecessary. Also, not all of us have a family before, during, or after Christmas.

Where did I say we all have family? Oh thats right, I didn't.

curlzy wrote: »

Have to agree with this. Christmas can be an extremely distressing time for people who feel isolated. Telling someone to "suck it up" isn't useful, in fact it could have serious consequences if that person is already feeling very down. Remember that Christmas can be a very troubling and lonely time for alot of people.

Well I disgaree. I don't see what the OP will gain from wallowing in something he/she can't change. I'm not telling the OP that s/he absolutely must agree with me that it is just another day nor am I telling him/her not to feel down, merely suggesting that it is one way to look at it when there doesn't appear to be another option. Also, curlzy, I find your insinuation that I could be damaging the OPs mental to be rather insulting.

How about this then:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

Better? :rolleyes:

Billy7878

eternal wrote: »

Ok,so I am going to be alone this Christmas.I would like some feedback as to how I will manage.Any ideas appreciated.

:pac:

eternal

Chinafoot wrote: »

eternal wrote: »

Because Christmas is the time to come home and be with family.To be honest,I can not believe someone would ask such an obvious question.It is why it is called Christmas,i.e the birth of jesus.Goodwill to al men and that.

With all due respect OP, not everyone places the same value on Christmas as you do and given that not everyone believes in christianity/catholicism/whatever, chances are you will encounter people who don't place any importance on the day that celebrates the birth of jesus.

Ultimately, it is just another day. There will still be 24 hours, there will still be another day after it, and your family will still be there at the end of it. If you can't spend the day the way you want to then, in the nicest way possible, suck it up. There is no point in having a meltdown over something you can't change. Instead you should do whatever you can to make the day a nice one for yourself. Only you know what that will be.

Who said I was wallowing?? I have a serious illness and am holding down Full time university.I am not feeling sorry for myself,nor at any point did I say I was.

Taltos

Billy7878 banned for a week.

Taltos

Taltos

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Taltos

Taltos

OP - as well as some of the really good ideas above you could try some of the following.

1. Not sure if your family have access to the internet or an iphone - but if you do arrange for a call so that while you are not there physically you can see them all and they can see you - share a toast even.

2. I really liked the idea above of a day of pure indulgence, getting in your favourite moving, best comfort food and just wrapping up in a duvet and spoiling yourself.

3. Volunteering - I know you got one rejection - but besides cooking as a chef do they need any other help or are there other groups?

4. If you were not ill I would have suggested maybe seeing if there was a Christmas day hike and joining in or starting off your own new Christmas day routine...

5. Ultimately though as Chinafoot pointed out - if you cannot find something to do then the best way to really get past the feelings of being alone or sadness is to keep reminding yourself that yes it is Christmas day but it is just another day and the day after will still roll around before you know it.

Do what you can to plan out a few different things to do and keep busy or spoil yourself. If you end up sitting idly watching the useless telly then I think we both know that you will get dragged down by the day.

Wompa1

I'd asked before where your home is? I'm just wondering how difficult it would be for you to get home. Maybe there's a way we could think of ways to help you get home rather than get over not going home...

eternal

Wompa1 wrote: »

I'd asked before where your home is? I'm just wondering how difficult it would be for you to get home. Maybe there's a way we could think of ways to help you get home rather than get over not going home...

It is not the getting home.its the fact i havent been asked by any of my family home.I suppose I am not really wanted.

cafecolour

eternal wrote: »

It is not the getting home.its the fact i havent been asked by any of my family home.I suppose I am not really wanted.

Uh? Maybe they just assume you're coming? If you want to be with them, why not ask?

I haven't been home for Christmas in several years, so I normally end up 'celebrating' with other 'orphans' - even if it just means watching movies together - and skyping my folks.

Firetrap

eternal wrote: »

It is not the getting home.its the fact i havent been asked by any of my family home.I suppose I am not really wanted.

That's horrible if it's true. That's what I dislike about Christmas. Because it's supposedly a great time for families to get together, to be happy etc., it really kicks people who are on their own in the teeth. Even though it's just another day in some ways, it isn't really. Most places are closed, it's not really a day for visiting friends and the TV's rubbish.

I'm lucky that I have family but because of things that have happened this year, Christmas chez Firetrap is going to be a very quiet, low-key affair. I plan to sleep for as much of it as I can, go for a long walk after dinner and have a job of work set aside to keep me occupied until the day is over. I'm going to sort through my books and CDs and ship a load of them out to a charity shop. If you don't have loads of family milling around, it is a long boring day.

Whatever you choose to do - volunteering/indulging yourself/sleeping, I hope you get through the day OK.

eternal

cafecolour wrote: »

eternal wrote: »

It is not the getting home.its the fact i havent been asked by any of my family home.I suppose I am not really wanted.

Uh? Maybe they just assume you're coming? If you want to be with them, why not ask?

I haven't been home for Christmas in several years, so I normally end up 'celebrating' with other 'orphans' - even if it just means watching movies together - and skyping my folks.

I do not think you understand.I have nobody to spend time with.Which is why I resorting to coming here.I have already spent a week of my holidays completely alone watching films and drinking wine.It is getting to me.

Starokan

being alone can be tough when its not by choice. Christmas time makes things a lot more difficult. Still you can make the best of it, there have been some great ideas here. Set your days out in the run in to xmas, there is nothing wrong with films and wine but if its the same thing day after day of course it will get to you.

I appreciate you are ill so getting out and about may be difficult but if you can try getting up early in the mornings and taking a short walk, the cold fresh air is beautiful and you will feel invigorated after it. If you can, pop into a cafe for a coffee, read the paper, perhaps instead of drinking at home, have a pint in a local or city pub. Plonk yourself at the bar and chat to the barperson. In fact chat away to anyone you come in contact with at all. The lack of social contact is what makes the loneliness bad and you would be surprised what even a small conversation can do.

If you are religious visit a church or service, i would say do this on xmas day regardless. Eat well, no doubt as a chef you do this anyway but even when catering for ones self there is a lot of joy to be found in preparing good food.

Re-establish contact with your family, it doesnt have to be anything major, just drop them a text or a phone call. You may find they will be happy to hear from you.

Firetrap

eternal wrote: »

I do not think you understand.I have nobody to spend time with.Which is why I resorting to coming here.I have already spent a week of my holidays completely alone watching films and drinking wine.It is getting to me.

Have you no friends you can talk to? I can understand why you're going stir crazy. Perhaps this Christmas issue might be the catalyst for you to try and make changes in your life so that you can meet more people. I appreciate that it's harder if you're not in good health but still... There is no pill to cure loneliness.