Feel taken for granted in new relationship

texthimornot

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for the last 6 months. Previous to that I was engaged which I think has had a bigger effect on me than I think – I broke up with my fiancée of the time. It just felt like we had fallen out of love and there wasn’t anything between us.


Not too long after my engagement ended i met my current boyfriend- we weren’t dating or anything and he knew my history and for months kept texting me asking to meet up, give him a chance etc.
Eventually I did and things moved quickly. We get on really well he told me he loves me and I love him too He says he hopes for us to get married in the future and to be honest I can really see myself marrying him. He lives at home and so do I (we both have our own houses but cant live in them for financial reasons etc). To be honest I am finding it extremely straining and difficult to maintain a relationship with us both living at home – we are both in our thirties!


As well as that, lately it just seems that he has relaxed in the relationship way too much. Little things like I don’t hear from him all day where as in the beginning I could get ten or more texts (when he was chasing me). He doesn’t send anything romantic in his messages like he used to, if I send a nice message its lately followed by something purely conversational. He doesn’t ring or text when he says he will.


Granted he is under pressure with a big exam for work coming up but he doesn’t have to act so cold with me cos he is stressed out. Last week he sent me a whole load of romantic messages and I thought “oh this is lovely” but he was only buttering me up so as I wouldn’t get mad cos he was about to cancel our plans.
I know I sound very needy but coming out of a ten year engagement and even tho I try not to I think I need reassurance from him.
Simply he is not doing or saying the things I need him to. I just don’t feel loved or wanted or persued by him anymore. I feel taken for granted to be honest – the “Ah she is there anyway...”



This is my first Christmas not being with my fiancée boyfriend and I am a lot more upset than i thought with all the old memories. I am feeling really low lately and to be honest drinking a lot more than I used to too. All my friends and workmates are married and having kids – talking about their families and I have none of this. Granted I could have had it with my fiancée but I couldn’t have married him just for the sake of it.



I long for this more than ever I thought I would and I just feel I need to know my current boyfriend wants the same. He says he does but he spends all his money on his hobbies (which he is entitled to) but seems to be making no plans for the future or any plans towards moving out of his home (not even to live with me but just to have space).

I am upset and getting no reassurance from my boyfriend. I feel trapped cos if I say anthing the whole thing could blow up in my face with his exam being next week. Once I asked him were we ok cos he went through a patch of being funny and he said I was crazy and must have been treated badly in my relationship (which I wasn’t). He was blaming himself for him being an ass. I feel I deserve more and need more than his recent casualness. i feel ignored and taken for granted not to mention where I stand with him long term. Right now I am just feeling that If I tried to patch things up with my old fiancée that at least I might feel wanted again and might have a family some day.

I want for things to work out with this guy and long term I think they will but I do feel taken for granted lately and feel I deserve a bit more respect and that he should still “want “ to be sending nice messages and be romantic. My best mate says not to say anything cos he is stressed but I feel deserve more to be honest.

I would really appreciate your thoughts.... thanks so much in advanvce

John Mason

wow - you are only with this guy for 6 months and you want him to give up his hobbies and start saving for your wedding!!

that doesnt sound needy - IT IS needy.

also the needing of 10 romantic text messages a day is very tennage'ry

seems to me you want this new boy and to take up exactly where you left off with your ex. that i never going to happen.

you need to finish with this guy and stay single for a few years and have some fun

Miss Fluff

texthimornot wrote: »

Right now I am just feeling that If I tried to patch things up with my old fiancée that at least I might feel wanted again and might have a family some day.

This is a really unhealthy attitude to have OP. In fact it merely suggests that you are trying to shoe-horn the next man who came along into the fiance role which is not a good idea. Seems like in your rush to sprint up the aisle at high-speed you're going to jeopardise a fledgling relationship in your panic to do so.

What's the rush? Why the pressure?

I personally don't think you're at all ready for any relationship right now, seems like you need to work on yourself and build on that self-confidence. Don't for goodness sake say anything to this poor bloke when he has an important exam coming up, that would be selfish in the extreme. Let him get on with his study for now and you should also take the time out to figure out why it is you're being so needy.

ElleEm

Take a break from men, and get back in touch with YOU. The single you without feeling the pressure of settling down. You had obviously gotten to a point with your ex where you were planning a future. It sounds like now that your ex has left the picture, you're just looking to fit your new bloke in to your old plans.