Stay or go?

Newfie III

Thanks for advice.

D1stant

This kind of crap happens in every job. Its better to learn to deal with it than avoid it.

Why dont you confront them. Seems to me you are being way too passive about this

Going on the beer with work mates is not a good idea unless you have established a firm friendship. Go for 1/2 at a social hour with a planned exit to get to know them

Gareth2011

D1stant is right, It does happen at every job but now that your no longer working together why still suffer? If they are at a function avoid them like the plague. Just because its a work function doesnt mean you have to be friendly with everyone. The fact that this happened a while back im guessing I think you let it play too much on your mind. You need to get into the mindset of you are there to work not to make friends.

As for looking for a new job unless you have a good reason for your new employer as to why you left the previous job I wouldnt bother. If you say you fell out with people that shows your not a good team player regardless of the circumstances. Best thing to do is avoid them. If they keep hassling you at these functions then you need to make it be seen and heard what they are doing so if you do report it its not just your word against theirs altho the fact that its a work function doesnt really fall under company policy regarding bullying I doubt.

tenchi-fan

Op, I think you might be the one with the problems.

You are blaming a lot on the other two girls but it seems you went out drinking with them and participated in a drunken conversation which made your work-life extremely difficult.

You've already said you have been very emotional at work. From your long opening post, it seems you're still being emotional. Learn to keep a professional distance from your work colleagues and concentrate on improving your performance at work.

mikemac1

No matter where you go you take yourself with you
You need to sit down and analyze everything that happened as I don't think the grass will be greener in a new company

You say your work performance is poor, well that's a concern.
Ok I've been there, my appraisals weren't great at one stage so I understand getting withdrawn and getting defensive. I mean how do you relax and chat with people who don't consider you any good.

You don't have to get on with everyone you work with. Throw a group of random people together into a workplace, apply stress and pressure and there will always be clashes.
If you are going on the next work night then ignore them, just blank them.

Unfortunately bad things happen to nice people and some people in the world will dislike you even if you've given them no reason to.

Maybe you are being a bit too emotional and putting far too much importance on what other people think of you and if they like you. Any issues with self confidence?
Just remember, these people are your colleagues, not your friends.

Gareth2011 wrote: »

the fact that its a work function doesnt really fall under company policy regarding bullying I doubt.

It might. Hard to say though

Newfie III

Thanks all, for the adivce yesterday.

Just to say tenchi-fan - I couldn't agree more with you, that I do need to keep a professional distance from work people. I should not have engaged in a conversation with a drunken work collegaue but that does not give those individuals carte blanche to go out of their way to make my life difficult - their actions are not just contained in the workplace and I have to deal with their crap outside of work sometimes too - and that is simply not on.

My opening note was emotional - bullying in the workplace is an emotional topic and I was trying to present my problems as I saw them.

I appreciate everyone's feedback.

Thanks.

tenchi-fan

Newfie III wrote: »

My opening note was emotional - bullying in the workplace is an emotional topic and I was trying to present my problems as I saw them.

Don't worry, I can relate to that!

Newfie III

Thanks tenchi-fan.

And in reply to your opening comment - yes, I have problems- lots of problems - just like everyone else in here who uses this forum to look for advice for work related issues.

tenchi-fan

Newfie III wrote: »

Thanks tenchi-fan.

And in reply to your opening comment - yes, I have problems- lots of problems - just like everyone else in here who uses this forum to look for advice for work related issues.

I wasn't having a go at you if that's what you're afraid of.

I just mean, sometime it's easier to change your own behaviour than to change the behaviour of others.

Your problem is you are upset by the behaviour of these people.
Which do you reckon would be easier:
1. Let these people know how their behaviour is affecting you in the hopes they will act differently
or
2. Ignore it and don't let it upset you.

I know it's not as easy as it sounds and sometimes you do need to stand up for yourself. However, emotions seem to be high all round and the best thing you can do is to avoid these people wherever possible and if they're rude don't let it get to you too much.