Out of control and need to change

LegacyUser

Hi all. So here I am on yet another Monday morning at work, absolutely shattered from a weekend of booze. I got hammered on Friday night and don’t remember coming home, and the same on Saturday night. Yesterday I was in bits and had to drink 3 pints and a bottle of wine just so I could relax and breath properly.
This is a normal weekend for me, but it’s been worse in the last 5 months or so since my ex left me, not for booze related reasons just she wasn’t into me that much and I took it pretty hard. I was really shook up about it, and these days I just can’t seem to find much to be happy about. The only time I seem to be enjoying myself is when I’m talking sh*te down the pub. I’m 31. I live in London now, I have a few friends here, but I’m just unable to stay in at weekends, and even if I do stay in I usually end up drinking myself to sleep. I’ve been getting better at staying off it during the week but once Friday comes I get this giddiness that makes me want to drink as much as possible. I’ve been drinking a lot since I was a teenager probably but it just seems to be getting worse these days. I am not happy with my life and the post booze effects make me very depressed Monday Tuesday Wednesday usually until the hangover is gone from my system. But then it all starts again on Friday.
I go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week and I eat well mostly so I’ve managed to stay in good shape. I haven’t been with a woman in any way since my ex, and I can’t see that changing. I just don’t know where to meet women, I don’t meet them in bars anyway. I can’t go on like this, I’m a total mess these days from booze, and I’m just not sure if I’m an alcoholic or not. I am gaining nothing from it anyway but I am so lonely these days that it’s hard for me to be alone at weekends so I have to get out and talk to people in the bars at the weekends. I think I want to stop drinking. I just don’t know how and I don’t seem to be recovering from being dumped by my ex. I’m a good looking smart guy, but socially things are not improving for me, otherwise things have been great, I got a good new job recently and from the outside everyone would think I’m in a great place, but I feel empty on the inside and have a void that I fill with alcohol whenever I can. I need help I think.

P.S. I also take whatever drugs I can get my hands on when I'm drinking, e.g. cocaine, mdma etc, this needs to stop too I think.

gmac102

Im pretty much the same as you, only Im female and 30. Something happened 6 months ago that led me to go mental aswell even the drugs, black outs the lot.

The last few weeks its kinda come to a head, Im still going mad but not as much.

What brought it on for me was I just kept saying to myself I had to let the pain go because it was destroying me.

Let her go maybe it'll help, I hope for you it does.

LegacyUser

hey OP,

I know how you feel too. i am also late 20s living abroad. last weekend got hammered in a social situation where my friends were drinking moderately, pissed people off, and nearly wrecked my laptop for good measure.

I know what you mean about the giddiness. The whole work week is usually pretty stressful with not many people to talk with openly, and then comes the weekend and you just want to go out and connect with as many people as possible. You need drink to feel that way, and of course, one forgets or does not realize how much one is drinking, and then its too late and you stumble home in a state. the following day is then spent feeling like **** and you are depressed again at the start of the week.

I think the key though is to try and get the "giddiness" feeling under control. Explicitly remind oneself that you are drinking to be more social and open, -NOT- to get wasted.

Often I find myself drinking more just because I want *something* to drink, and I feel anxiety that if I don't *keep* drinking I will become sober and depressed. Of course, this is a false idea because alcohol does not work instantaneously but rather cumulatively and takes some time to wear off. But when one is out on the piss, these rational considerations seem far away or you become "insulated" from them.

And when you are depressed, there is a certain desire to "annihilate the self", because deep down, you believe that you are somehow a bad person and your ego must be destroyed. With too much drink though, there is nothing *but* an out of control ego left, stumbling around incoherently. So it is a false solution. Other drugs like MDMA have different effects, of course.

I think it is a good idea to set an absolute limit on alcohol consumption in future. you don't have to condemn yourself as an alcoholic, you just need to take a RATIONAL attitude towards drinking. You know yourself how many glasses of beer/wine you need to be "happily" drunk. Stick to that, and when you want something else to drink, remind yourself that - no, I can just drink a mineral water, or a cola, or whatever. And that you would rather a nice Sunday/Monday rather than groaning in bed all day!

Stay positive! When I have acted in this way, things usually turn out pretty well. It's just getting into a good habit and taking care that you stay that way on the night. Mindfulness, I think they call it...

Mighty_Mouse

Don't be too hard on yourself. The break-up has just sent you off the deep-end. Booze-blues combined with Class A skagging is no fun though.
It clearly doesn't suit you & could possibly be compounding some self-worth issues you have from the break-up.

You need a system.
Say 5-7 pints over the course of a long night.
Stay out of rounds & stick to the number.
You'll its possible to be a drinker & not live in hell 50% of the time.
Plus, no girls likes a drunk.

I go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week and I eat well mostly so I’ve managed to stay in good shape.

Finally, it sounds like you may need to change/break your routine a little to keep life interesting

Try a new hobby, new sport - set some goals & get better at it.
ie. yoga, cycle to work, swim in the mornings, group running, charity runs, music gigs, volunteering.....................etc etc

You won't like everythign you try but if you keep putting yourself out there, life will begin to work again for you.

emmabrighton

Hey op you need to get help now. Please do it before its too late. Your negative thoughts are made worse from your drinking and drug taking. If you are unhappy now you recognise you have a problem. Also, you know there are people who can help. Can you go to a gp and explain your problems? They can give you advice. Take it from me. You don't want this problem to persist. Good luck and you should proud of yourself for posting here.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies. Another messy weekend. No recollection coming home Friday or Saturday night. I tried my best to stay in on Friday night but as soon as I got a text from friends who were in the pub I was out the door. It's not easy being on my own these days and the only time I get to socialise is when I go out drinking really. What else can I do? I play squash socially, I go to a language class during the week, I have tried all these things but I still find life incredibly boring most of the time unless I'm out with my friends getting on it. Last night I got no sleep at all, just the horrors and sweats, so I'm a mess here at work. I don't know how to get out of this rut, I have been so unhappy since being dumped, nothing good going on for me at all. Sorry for the self pity it's just been a bad night and morning.

Morag

Go talk to your dr, get them to asses the damage you are doing to yourself and have a think about why life if boring with out a stream of chemicals in your system?

You do need help but you have to want to live a more sober life.

frag420

Hey OP,

WHile I was never in that bad a situation I was sick of having my saturdays(pre sat night) and sundays ruined by a hangover, lost memory etc.

Perhaps look at your hobbies or thnigs you like to do outside of the pub/club and see if you can do them on a Sat morning (5 aside footy maybe). I love surfing and if i knew I was getting up early Sunday morning to travel for a surf I made sure I did not go overboard the night before. I still had a few drinks but I didnt get pissed.

just an idea.............

Mate, I was similar to you and I gave up a year and a half ago. Best thing I ever did. Life today seems incomprehensibly disconnected from the constant darkness and negativity that my massive binges brought. You need a change of lifestyle - once you're out of the drinking "mode", the idea of drinking an intoxicant until you're falling over in the street seems a wee bit less appealing

I have set up a site www.soberireland.com if you wanna talk about it.

Firetrap

Have you thought about going for professional help?