Need help

LegacyUser

I'm 22 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. When we started going out, we used to have a great sex life, having sex 2-3 times a day on the days we did see each other.
For the last year, sex hasnt been as often. At the moment, we proberly have sex about once a week and usually because i've asked for it. I feel that for me, this is very little. We are both under a lot of stress from college etc but personally, i always make time and i'm always up for it if he's wants it. My boyfriend however, is rarely in the mood. He says he doesnt even want it once a week.
I personally feel a lot of rejection in terms of sex. I feel like I'm not attractive enough for him. I feel like he's bored of me and I really do put in so much effort to try and excite him.
He says he has a low sex drive and that this is hormone based. I've encouraged him to go and see a doctor but he outright refuses. The few times when he did agree to go, he didnt show up for the appointment. He says this is because when the appointment comes around, he already feels like he's fixed. He is very sensitive about all of this and so I try to keep my feelings to myself.
Today however, I tried to speak to him about it. I did bring it up in a wrong way, I tried to start the conversation by joking about the way he told me to go away this morning when I was trying to interest him. I know this was a wrong move, and i apologised immediately and told him what i was actually trying to say, which was that I felt like i wasnt good enough for him and I thought we should both talk about it as a couple.
Basically, he went mad. He told me he never enjoys sex with me and never wants sex with me. He said that the way i acted (by looking to talk about it) was disgusting and that I am selfish to be looking for sex and that i should be grateful for what i get. He told me to go find someone else to have sex with. I explained that it wasnt about "sex" so to speak, but it was about being with HIM and sharing with him to which he continued to mock me. He also said he felt like killing himself. I told him that if he felt that way, we needed to call a doctor and he called me a bully for doing so. He also claimed that I only say nice things to him when i want something. This really hurt and I did not think for one second that he believed that either... but he's sticking by it.
I feel awful because i know he's in pain about this. I dont think i'm being unreasonable though. I'm tired of keeping the shame to myself and i thought we could share as a couple. I dont want to be putting pressure on him, and i've tried to help. I really feel like there's nothing i can do or say to help either of us. I believe I am supportive, but when i said that he laughed at me. I dont know what to do. No matter how gentle i am about this, he flies off the rail at me. I just feel like noones happy at the moment and both of us are suffering seperately. Maybe i am over-reacting but it would just feel so amazing to be with someone who isnt just having sex with you out of obligation. I wish that he just had some level of desire for me at some stage. Maybe I am selfish. Am i being selfish?

floorpie

If he used to have sex 3 times a day with you, then you know that he's not being correct when saying he 'never enjoys sex' with you, and you know that it's not correct to say that you aren't attractive enough for him.

It probably is stress, like you're saying, no? You're able to cope with it and make time, he isn't. Knowing that you're disappointed about it is probably stressing him out more, hence the lashing out. I don't know what advice to give, though, aside from putting agreed-upn time aside for it however many times a week, until college stress has passed.

Sleepy

Differences in sex drive are a common reason for problems in a relationship, when one party throws a tantrum when the other tries to discuss a problem, however the relationship isn't worth saving imho.

Kick him to the kerb.

cafecolour

Honestly, it sounds like the relationship may have run it's course, and it might be time to end it.

He certainly was into you initially, and 'college stress' doesn't really account for a year of lack of interest. Sorry to say it, but I'd actually guess that he has lost interest in you, and being in the relationship, but is too chickensh*t to break it off himself.