Do ye think I'm being led on?

LegacyUser

So basically the gist of the story is that I have been going out with this guy for nearly 2 years. I've posted before on all our problems- his lack of desire to get a job, go anywhere, sleeps all day, over interest in gaming etc. Anyway last month I had reached the end of my tether and broke up with him. I didnt want to but I felt he needed a shock to the system and no amount of talking to him would work.

Anyway since the breakup it had been discussed that we would meet and discuss things/possibly try and work things out. He has (apparently) been sick for the last month. Every suggestion of a day to meet up is met with an excuse mostly centered around him being sick. He has said that he is not stringing me along but my friends think otherwise. He has turned me down to meet up on about six occasions so far, even when I suggested calling to his house so he didnt have to go out in the cold. I have wondered is he just delaying the process because he doesn't wanna be the bad guy. I'd prefer to be told if he doesn't want to rekindle things, I could move on then and not feel like I'm in limbo and can't move on for fear of losing him. Thoughts?

A0

2 years? You've been very patient... That's was an excellent idea to break up. Don't come back into this. Ask yourself "Do I like to see a lazy ass, sleeping all day in the house?", I couldn't cope with a relationship as you describe it, it'd have lasted a week with me.

floorpie

Well i mean...breaking up was one way to go. But you can't do 'breaking up' as a game. Forgive the tautology here but if you broke up with him, he's been broken up with, so he has no obligation to even acknowledge you if he doesn't feel like it. This doesn't make him 'the bad guy', by the way.

If you purely broke up with him to provide an impetus to his job searching, and he knew this, but doesn't now have a job and misses you, then why would he be rushing to meet up again? He'd have to improve his situation first, as was clear from the breakup, right? If you broke up with him to provide an impetus and he *didn't* know this, then what you're doing is basically cruel.

If you want to move on, stop playing games with him and just do it.

(P.S. Who cares what your friends think, the situation has nothing to do with them, and not only will they not understand it, i often find that the suggestions of friends aren't as pure and innocent as you'd think; decide yourself what to do)

Miss Fluff

Unregistered wrote: »

Anyway last month I had reached the end of my tether and broke up with him. I didnt want to but I felt he needed a shock to the system and no amount of talking to him would work.

Forget him, seriously. As you said yourself, you've posted on here a lot re the various issues you guys have and it was evidently a very toxic set up. You broke up with him and he's ran with it by the sounds of things - while you're ego is evidently dented that he didn't disolve in tears and wants you back you should probably be very glad that he's not - just typical of the inertia he has always demonstrated really isn't it? Cut your losses and move on.

dellas1979

The thing with calling a break on a relationship is that if you are the one that called it, you must follow through, otherwise it is pointless.

A break is to provide someone with space to clarify what they want, not to teach them a lesson. Sounds like he doesnt know what he wants. You want to force him to change (he needs to change himself-not you forcing him).

LegacyUser

I know what ye all are saying. He still texts me every day and puts x's at the end of every message, he's just confusing me at this stage. I wasn't being unreasonable, I waited long enough for a change and paid for enough in my opinion.

coolcat63

With every suggestion of meeting up (and every rebuff) you are demeaning yourself. Delete his number and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

It sounds like you want this relationship more than him.

Bad move to break up as a test of him. He's not bothered. About everything in general.. not specifically YOU, but you are just on the list of things he's not that bothered with.

I know your ego wants him to want you.. but its not in him. It's not the sort of person he is. 6 attempts to meet up to sort out your relationship, and none of them materialized? Time to chalk this one down to experience I think.

Firetrap

No, I don't think you are. He sounds like he can't be arsed, really. Lukewarm is the word I'm looking for. It is never a good sign when one person's doing all of the chasing and that is precisely what you're doing here.

aidan24326

He isn't sick. He just doesn't really want to meet you. It's over.

And why would you want otherwise? If he's a lazy, bone-idle good-for-nothing why why would you want to be with him in the first place? You're probably over-glorifying and romanticising the good parts of your relationship, such as they were. But it sounds like you're better off out of this one. I think women often fall into that trap of thinking they can change a guy. If I just give him a nudge (or a kick) in the right direction he'll be that guy that I want him to be. Doesn't work. You won't change him and it doesn't sound like he wants to be changed.

LegacyUser

Eh i dont know why everyone thinks he's just not bothered, yous can't really know why he doesn't want to. I was in the exact same position as the OP's boyfriend, and the only single reason that i didnt want to meet up was because i didnt have work yet, and that was the main reason we broke up in the first place. I wanted to at least try rectify things first.

LegacyUser

Because he just is not bothered. I'm writing this as I sit in bed after spending the last two hours trying to get to sleep. I'm feeding his ego by sticking around when he is so quick to show or not show how little he cares. From tomorrow I'm going cold turkey, no contact. I dont need another friend, I have enough already.

curlzy

Unregistered wrote: »

Because he just is not bothered. I'm writing this as I sit in bed after spending the last two hours trying to get to sleep. I'm feeding his ego by sticking around when he is so quick to show or not show how little he cares. From tomorrow I'm going cold turkey, no contact. I dont need another friend, I have enough already.

Good woman, he's made a gobsh*te of you for long enough. I'm sure once you start healing you'll realise that you are way way way way way way way way better off without him. He sounds like he's a lazy good for nothing and that fact that you jumped through hoops for him will sicken you down the line, when it does remember that you were smart enough to stop it.