My Gran...

itac

I posted about my Gran on the first page of the Tell Us About Them post, and am just having a really horrible day missing her today. I found some old video of her in her house, and have spent most of the day in tears. She's talking to my brother in it, and now and again she gives her little cough, and says "alright love" at one point. I want to watch it again, but I've been bawling most of today, and don't think I could face it again right now.

We lost my Uncle on the other side of the family very suddenly at the end of October, he was my Dad's only brother. It was just before my friend's first anniversary, and suddenly, everything feels that bit harder, even though my Uncle and I weren't that close. It's just brought back so much grief, and I've found the last month and bit so much harder than I thought they'd be.

My Mum wore my Gran's old jacket to the months mind recently, and it just made me miss Gran even more. She'll be six years gone from us this New Years Day, and so much has happened, she has more great-grand-children, her kids and grandkids have bought houses, got married, and yet, at every family get-together, all I can seem to see is the empty space where she'd be. When someone else prays grace as gaeilge at the start of dinner, I find I'm still waiting for her voice to chime in with Beannaigh sinn a Dhia. When something happens, I want to tell her. This morning I was thinking of making a family photo album kinda calendar for Mum & Dad for Christmas and I immediately thought "I should make one for Gran too..." That hurt.

I know that time's a healer, and one of her favourite sayings was "accept, accept, accept, and this too, shall pass". But some days are harder than others, and today is one of the hardest for a long time. I'd give anything for a hug from her, to be back in her house, which was so full of love and laughter, despite some of the sad memories it held for her-she buried her husband, son & grandson within a decade of moving there. She understood grief and life, and how to balance the two, and I know she'd be the first to console me today if she was around.

I know the sun will rise tomorrow, and I'll feel somewhat better, but right now, I just miss her so much, and just really needed to get that out...

Deki

Hugs to you. I know how hard it can be. Time is a healer it is true, but there are those I don't want to forget. Some thing or someone says or does something that remind me of them and I'm off. It's a bittersweet sort of day torn between fond memories and lonesome moments, but for now it's all I have - my memory and I would fight to keep them alive in my heart. I think we are entitled to our tears...

eyeball kid

itac wrote: »

She'll be six years gone from us this New Years Day, and so much has happened, she has more great-grand-children, her kids and grandkids have bought houses, got married, and yet, at every family get-together, all I can seem to see is the empty space where she'd be.

To me, thats a good measure of a person. To be remembered and missed six
years later can only show what she meant to you. Just try to remember the
good times you had with her.