Gay guy - Trouble making male friends?

WatchOut

I'm a gay guy and I've always (although I only really started to notice it in the last few months) have had trouble making guy friends. I have one really good male friend but that's about it, the others are more acquaintances that I could just chat to. I find it really hard relating to straight guys and don't know that many gay guys. (I joined the LGBT soc in college and ended up not going to many events this semester, my fault I know - but it sucks going places on your own :eek:) Part of it is because I gravitate more towards girls because in my experience from school (I just left in June), they tend to be more friendly and easier to talk to. I'm starting to worry that this will end up being a permanent thing in my life, I'm really glad of the female friends I have, but I'd like to be able to make male ones too. Any advice?

Caiseoipe19

I find my self in a similar situation. I find I can talk to girls a lot easier than other guys in college and most of the guys I do talk to it'd be just aquaintances. Girls just seem to be sounder and easier to talk to I find. I'd consider myself to have 2 or 3 real guy friends although I'm not out to any of them yet. Are you out yourself? Would you find it easier to become friends with girls because you think they might be less likely to have a problem with you being gay when you tell them?

Coeurdepirate

Don't be afraid to come out to any of your current male friends (if you haven't already), in my experience at least they've been even more accepting than the girls!

WatchOut

Cygnus wrote: »

I find my self in a similar situation. I find I can talk to girls a lot easier than other guys in college and most of the guys I do talk to it'd be just aquaintances. Girls just seem to be sounder and easier to talk to I find. I'd consider myself to have 2 or 3 real guy friends although I'm not out to any of them yet. Are you out yourself? Would you find it easier to become friends with girls because you think they might be less likely to have a problem with you being gay when you tell them?

Yeah I am out to all my friends and my family know aswell. When I was thinking about why I get along better with girls, I definetly think it's because I think they would have less of a problem with me being gay. And in my past experience, that has proven to be very true. I'm more standoff-ish around guys, I don't mean to be, it's a completely subconscious thing, I just wish I wasn't.

fluffybiscuits

Just saw this thread while browsing! I have mostly straight male friends and a mix then of female and gay male friends I think there is a perception among gay and straight males that we cant be friends , some of us in the gay world find the straight world off putting with its faux butchness and some of them perhaps may think we are all fairylights and sparkle! Instead of seeing friends in a gay/straight way , just meet people with similar interest, sexuality is not an interest unless its S&M and other things you are into! There is a lot of football teams, rugby teams, chess clubs, classes etc etc. Loads of things to suit your interest. List your interests here and maybe myself or some of the other users may be able to help. To add there is the gay diners group as well, they seem pretty good, they are called D.I.G.S.

I met most of my friends through college, work, travel, football, gaydar or bear sites, other friends, events, gumtree or even facebook! I sincerely wish you all the best and happy xmas watch out!

pauliebdub

Ive always found it difficult to make gay male friends too, i have made a few now but it has taken a long time. Gay friendships in my experience tend to be based on attraction so if you do become friendly with a gay guy chances are they will be into you sexually too and try it on......thats my experience.

fluffybiscuits

pauliebdub wrote: »

Ive always found it difficult to make gay male friends too, i have made a few now but it has taken a long time. Gay friendships in my experience tend to be based on attraction so if you do become friendly with a gay guy chances are they will be into you sexually too and try it on......thats my experience.

I dont agree with you on that one Paul. Sexual attraction can add a spark but if you view your friends as a piece of meat or an object then your friendships are built on lies....

waterglass305

I find that I make friends with girls a lot easier than guys. Even in the LGBT society I talk better with girls. If I was honest I have only one real close guy friend but more girl friends.
Even random Erasmus students I just seem to, as you said, gravitate to girls.

My theory is that I can't talk to guys as well because I'm gay and it makes me a bit nervous because
a) they're gay and I'm wondering if they're single or something :rolleyes:
or
b) they're straight and I feel a little awkward with them. Especially if they talk about girls and to a lesser extent sport (which I know nothing about)

But with girls its like 'I don't have to worry about what I say' because we're not going to date, we're not going to be friends with benefits. We will either be friends or acquaintances.
That may or may not be true, but I find I am more comfortable around girls, and it might be that there's no pressure for anything to happen. We don't have to explain our sexuality (if they are straight they'll understand why we like guys and if they're lesbian then they'll understand) and we can be ourselves.

Maybe?

Having said that I have had a few male friends in the past and I am working on talking to other guys to build up some contacts. Its hard to break old habits but worth it.

fluffybiscuits

waterglass305 wrote: »

I find that I make friends with girls a lot easier than guys. Even in the LGBT society I talk better with girls. If I was honest I have only one real close guy friend but more girl friends.
Even random Erasmus students I just seem to, as you said, gravitate to girls.

My theory is that I can't talk to guys as well because I'm gay and it makes me a bit nervous because
a) they're gay and I'm wondering if they're single or something :rolleyes:
or
b) they're straight and I feel a little awkward with them. Especially if they talk about girls and to a lesser extent sport (which I know nothing about)

But with girls its like 'I don't have to worry about what I say' because we're not going to date, we're not going to be friends with benefits. We will either be friends or acquaintances.
That may or may not be true, but I find I am more comfortable around girls, and it might be that there's no pressure for anything to happen. We don't have to explain our sexuality (if they are straight they'll understand why we like guys and if they're lesbian then they'll understand) and we can be ourselves.

Maybe?

Having said that I have had a few male friends in the past and I am working on talking to other guys to build up some contacts. Its hard to break old habits but worth it.

Fair play mate It can be tough but I would say persevere. Drop the assumptions that gay men will want to date you and straight men wont have anything in common and focus on meeting people with similar interests . In fact if we are to go on stereotypes, we can advise the blokes on their love lives as we are meant to have a better understanding of women folk (who baffle me somewhat still!). Meet people with similar interests and go from there

waterglass305

Thanks fluffybiscuits I'm trying to change, it is not easy but so worth it.
As for the stereotype about giving advice, it both the funniest and dumbest one ever. How the frak should I know how to give advice on dating girls?

fluffybiscuits

waterglass305 wrote: »

Thanks fluffybiscuits I'm trying to change, it is not easy but so worth it.
As for the stereotype about giving advice, it both the funniest and dumbest one ever. How the frak should I know how to give advice on dating girls?

+1! We apparently think like them ! I am just an average bloke , dont fit into the stereotypes at all and I cant work them out!

waterglass305

I have girls friends (but not fag hags, just normal friends ) and they don't know much about girls! :rolleyes:
So if girls don't know.....whoa straight guys are ****ed.....;)