Jibe from co-worker at party

LegacyUser

Hi, i'm looking for opinions.

I attended my work Christmas party last night. A large group attended, we have Irish and Polish workers.

There is 15 Polish lads working with us, i get on with 14 of the lads but there is one who has directed stuff at me, now for the last two years at the last two parties (couple of other co-workers remembered this and reminded me).

I'm male in my late 20's and single, the lad in question has for some unknown reason latched onto the fact that in his words 'you-don't-have-a-wife' and 'why-are-you-single?'

Now to clarify, i'm a big boy and thick-skinned, i'm posting here to try and get opinions as to what people would consider his 'reasoning'?

Also, there is no vice-versa issues in work, and he has said this at the start of the night to me while sober and obviously later during the night this is continuiously repeated to me, so drink isn't the initial issue.

What did peeve me off last night was that another girl who was a previous worker in my company turned up, she happens to be overweight, i gave her a good-natured hug and he said to me 'why-don't-you-try-her', big problem was that she overheard and was furious with him, so it nearly kicked off with him and her but i diffused it.

I'm considering just ignoring this guy and getting on with it, as he's obviously looking for some reaction from me- which he's not getting.

I would be considered highly in work so i don't know if this is jealousy/green-eyed monster on his behalf?

I'm intrigued to hear what people think?

cafecolour

Ignoring it is the right way to go.

He could just be looking for a fight - and not even necessarily that he dislikes you, but he just might fancy you a 'worthy' opponent.

It could be a (misdirected) attempt to be friendly (Why don't you have a wife? I know women - here try this one, or how about this one.)

Or maybe he's trying to hit on you. Who knows

A0

Next time he asks you this, ask him back "have you got one?". If he says "yes", you tell him "good for you, why don't you join her now?" or "where is she?", then you move away and chat with your friends. If he says "no", just answer "sad life isn't it?" and move again with your friends.

matt-dublin

Report him
To your hr dept for bullying. He's not going to stop if you ignore him you've proven that already. He obviously has something against you and it's obviously affecting you.

Down to hr and explains the whole thing. It's an unprofessional attitude from him

Miss Fluff

I'd wait until there is a big crowd of you gathered and then if he says anything ask him why he is OBSESSED with your love life and is it something to do with the fact that he's actually got a soft spot for you himself?! Such an affront to his sexuality will probably have him baulking!

As an aside, and I get that it's extremely irritating, I don't think he's coming from a bad or malicious place so another option is to say it directly to him.

matt-dublin

matt-dublin wrote: »

Report him
To your hr dept for bullying. He's not going to stop if you ignore him you've proven that already. He obviously has something against you and it's obviously affecting you.

Down to hr and explains the whole thing. It's an unprofessional attitude from him

Could the HR department do anything though? The OP hasn't said whether these things happen at work though, merely at these parties. If it were me, I would confront him about it in work, ask him why he does it and why it matters to him whether you're single or not.

matt-dublin

boneyarsebogman wrote: »

matt-dublin wrote: »

Report him
To your hr dept for bullying. He's not going to stop if you ignore him you've proven that already. He obviously has something against you and it's obviously affecting you.

Down to hr and explains the whole thing. It's an unprofessional attitude from him

Could the HR department do anything though? The OP hasn't said whether these things happen at work though, merely at these parties. If it were me, I would confront him about it in work, ask him why he does it and why it matters to him whether you're single or not.

He's a work colleague and shouldn't be doing that in or out of the office. It could be also classified as a mild form or harassment.

HR is the best path here, they can provide an informal talkin to and if necessary a formal warning.

Chinafoot

John34567 wrote: »

I'm male in my late 20's and single

In Poland, the average age for men to get married is around 27 and I think for women it's around 25. He might find it unusual that, as you are in your late 20s, you are not only unmarried but single.

It doesn't sound like there is anything malicious in what he is doing, rather that he is unable to get his head around the different attitude here towards marriage.


Have you actually asked him why he is so focused on your relationship status? I wouldn't recommend going to HR if this is not happening regularly in work and if you have not made any attempt to discuss it with him on in informal level.

mikemac1

Ignore him.

Talk to the hand, if it's not a work related issue I don't want to hear it

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies.

Just on the suggestion relating to the fact that he may think Polish guys marry younger etc, from talking to colleagues who were talking to the rest of the Polish lads this doesn't come into the equation.

I agree with those of you who are saying ignore the guy.

I will be civil to him in work when i come across him but that's it, i'm not going to be feeling the need to discuss my private life or anything else really with him.

I will interact with him when i have to do so work-wise, after that i'm going to ignore him.

I've enough on my plate trying to hold on to my job and he's certainly not going to undermine my employment.

sasser

Deleted User wrote: »

Could the HR department do anything though? The OP hasn't said whether these things happen at work though, merely at these parties. If it were me, I would confront him about it in work, ask him why he does it and why it matters to him whether you're single or not.

If work paid for the party, it is seen legally as an extension of the work day, the same rules and laws apply re bullying, sexual harrassment etc., not a lot of people realise this. Would get some informal advice from hr anyway

fatherted1969

Yuor workmate is a tool and is trying to provoke a reaction out of you to gain the higher ground. A reaction will show weaknes Don't rise to this bait, you seem to be clever enough to see this so don't give him the satisfaction of rising to this. Be the better man

SWL

Chinafoot wrote: »

In Poland, the average age for men to get married is around 27 and I think for women it's around 25. He might find it unusual that, as you are in your late 20s, you are not only unmarried but single.

It doesn't sound like there is anything malicious in what he is doing, rather that he is unable to get his head around the different attitude here towards marriage.


Have you actually asked him why he is so focused on your relationship status? I wouldn't recommend going to HR if this is not happening regularly in work and if you have not made any attempt to discuss it with him on in informal level.

He is not living in Poland he is living in Ireland; different countries have different social norms. In Ireland it is not unusual to be single in your late thirties. I would rather that than married and settled in your mid-twenties. Personally I think it is nobody business whether somebody is single, married or in a relationship with either sex.

OP who knows what this guy’s problem is, I would guess he is jealous of you, he probably married his first girlfriend and regrets not playing the field or maybe he is single and Irish women show no interest in him. I can see why you are annoyed only my closest friends I believe have the right to ask very personnel questions about my private life, not my work colleagues.

From your post you are well liked by your female colleagues and that may be giving him the green eyed monster or he may believe you are gay and in Poland they are a bit backward and many east Europeans are very homophobic and he may be trying to flush you out.

Either way he sounds like a fool and best
1. Ignore him, or
2. If he asks you again why you are single tell him you are too busy shagging different women every weekend, that’s what is getting to him probably not getting any.

Rich11

John34567 wrote: »

What did peeve me off last night was that another girl who was a previous worker in my company turned up, she happens to be overweight, i gave her a good-natured hug and he said to me 'why-don't-you-try-her', big problem was that she overheard and was furious with him, so it nearly kicked off with him and her but i diffused it.

:mad::mad::mad: F**K the job, i would have punched him to the ground, not just for that put what he said before, and THE YEAR BEFORE :eek:

Beruthiel

Rich11 wrote: »

:mad::mad::mad: F**K the job, i would have punched him to the ground, not just for that put what he said before, and THE YEAR BEFORE :eek:

Banned for advocating violence.

_Kaiser_

At the risk being unpopular, I have to say that from reading the OP it sounds fairly tame to me considering some of the horror stories and scandal that normally come out of Christmas parties.

Guy (in a social session with drink involved) asks why the OP is single then makes a (admittedly poor taste) jibe about trying his luck with the other girl, and we have people on here telling him to call in HR for bullying and "deck him" and what not?? :rolleyes:

I'm afraid my advice would have to be to move on. OP, you say you're thick-skinned so just ignore this idiot and get on with your job - (here's the unpopular part) it's the same advice I would have been given by my parents when I was in school.

mikemac1

Chinafoot wrote: »

In Poland, the average age for men to get married is around 27 and I think for women it's around 25. He might find it unusual that, as you are in your late 20s, you are not only unmarried but single.

....he is unable to get his head around the different attitude here towards marriage.

If he's finding it difficult to adjust maybe the OP could point him in the direction of the nearest airport.

Nobody asked him to come here

Taltos

mikemac1 - we are unsure if you are being serious or not - however any posts that encourage racism in any form are considered flaming.

Please review our charter before posting in PI/RI again to safeguard against earning a ban.

Taltos

Amy33

I'm a 35 year old single woman and work with several Polish men and women. The men have never commented on my single status but the women are absolutely flabergasted that I am content to remain single and shock, horror CHILDLESS. I take it all with a pinch of salt, I'm happily single and it's a subject that thankfully I'm not sensitive about. Dont' take any notice of you're colleague, I'm sure he means no harm.

Mighty_Mouse

i'm a big boy and thick-skinned,

No you're not. Its getting to you.
Thick-skinned means it doesn't

you-don't-have-a-wife' and 'why-are-you-single?'

Tame enough slagging.

'why-don't-you-try-her',

Drunk man comment....still tame enough.
Personally I would of made a quip about him not being able to hold his drink & walked the girl somewhere else.

as he's obviously looking for some reaction from me- which he's not getting.

Its the right approach.
If you need to tackly him. Point to the behaviour, not the words.
Ie.... You're drunk, You're annoying, You repeat yourself a lot, you're a little ignorant, do you always talk to people like this,

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I returned back to work today and just ignored him.

I was walking down the stairs from the first floor in our warehouse and he was on the ground floor, and he looked up at me, i walked directly to my work-station to read my e-mail and i could see him eye-balling me out of the corner of my eye, he then rambled off immediately.

I then walked towards him at our lift-area today, he just glanced at me for a second, and i strolled by without a care in the world, i ignored him completely.

He actually was doing his best to avoid me today, so i'm absoutely chuffed with myself that i didn't rise to his bait.

Maple

OP, it appears your issue has been resolved so I am locking this thread.

Maple