Very explosive anger towards brother, and I hate it.

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

I want to know whats wrong with me.

I have very explosive aggression but only when arguing with my brother. I can be very vulgar and intense and its a trait in my character that I despise.

The odd thing is I'm a very friendly and easy going guy to everyone else and have never argued with friends in my life.

Me and my brother do get on most of the time but recently over the past month or 2, whenever we've had an argument I lose the head. I never become violent and would never hit him but I can be very very quick with my tongue and I think that hurts more.

The bulk of the arguments tend to be when he is playing his XBox (he's 19) and he's in his room basically shouting at the TV and shouting with whoever he's playing online with.

This aggravates the hell out of me as there is currently a lot on my plate. Im 21 and in my final year of college, just now nearing the end of possibly the worst/most stressed semester in the last 4 years. Every day involves me sitting in my room trying to come to terms with my college work and the sheer amount of it. I find I have a very short fuse for anything these days.

However when in college I am completely happy when surrounded by my friends, I have also recently met a girl who I think we have a bit of a spark with each other ( I know, great timing) and we get on great however as is normal there is a small bit of anxiety at the start of a potential relationship.

However when I get home the sheer noise from him makes me lose my temper very easily and we end up arguing and I become very verbally abusive. I honestly hate myself after the argument for how cruel I can be

I dont know if its just a big mixture of stress/anxiety that has me a bit short fused or if I have some mental problem... but it doesn't help my situation because after the argument and all is quiet I end up just reflecting on how abusive I was and still cant get work done.


Sorry for the length but had to get it off my chest and maybe now I can get back to work, and yes we just had a whopper argument about an hour ago.

I would just like to know what peoples opinions of the situation are.

Thank you for any information.

dafunk

Be an adult, the two of you are behaving like teenagers and as the oldest you should be more mature. Talk to your brother rationally and reasonably, tell him you're under pressure with exams and are trying to study and that the noise is distracting which makes you upset and stressed. I'm sure if you broach it with him like this he will respond maturely in turn and make an effort to be quieter. If you behave like a child he will too as he will mimic your behaviour seeing as you are the older sibling, conversly if you behave like an adult he probably will too.

meoklmrk91

The fact that you will only do this with your brother means that you know its a line you can't cross with anyone else and get away with. Where as you can take your anger, frustration and stress out on him and get away with it.

You need to try to put a boundrie in place where you will not let yourself abuse him, this is difficult though as old habits die hard and it takes time. So you firstly have to find something else to do with your stress and fear, which is turning into anger as you have no healthy outlet in which to express it.

Find something that you can do everyday that might help you release some of it, hang a punching bag in the shed, go out there, turn on some loud music and go hell for leather as long as you need to. Or go for a serious run, or just lay on your bed listening music. Those are just some examples, find what works best for you.

Sit down with your brother and explain to him how much stress you are under and how you would really appriciate his co-operation.

Alternatively get yourself a good pair of ear plugs or go to the local library to study.

HerbSimpson

Could it be possible your brother reminds you of yourself and you attack him as a way to relieve frustration with certain personality traits that you don't like about yourself.

cafecolour

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

The fact that you will only do this with your brother means that you know its a line you can't cross with anyone else and get away with. Where as you can take your anger, frustration and stress out on him and get away with it.

This exactly. Years ago I was the exact same with my younger sister (when we were living together) - I'd snap at her for things that I'd never snap at anyone else I was living with (I remember once yelling at her for cleaning too much!). I eventually copped on and made a conscious effort to bite my tongue.

danslevent

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

The fact that you will only do this with your brother means that you know its a line you can't cross with anyone else and get away with. Where as you can take your anger, frustration and stress out on him and get away with it.

I have to agree with meolmrk91. Also I think you may feel some resentment towards your brother, as he can sit around playing games while you have to work.