Am i right to be annoyed?

LegacyUser

A few years ago I was going out with a girl for a few years. Its started out great. She seemed to have issues emotionally but I was very much in love with her. Things got very bad and I finally got to the bottom of why she was lashing out all the time. She told me she had been abused by a family member when she was a child and as a result she couldnt have children. I got her councilling, got her a job and bent over backwards to rebuild her life as any decent man would do for somebody he loved. As her life got better with the new job and new friends she cheated on me which i forgave putting it down to the trauma of what happened to her when she was younger all coming out in the previous months. Not long after she dumped me by email. I was so hurt but how could I be angry at someone with such a terrible upbringing and suffered such abuse... It was all very tough at the time but I moved on and I have found somebody else eventually.

Here is where this is going in case you are wondering...

A friend of my mine bumped into her the other day and she was PREGNANT! I went into shock a bit when he told, I said are you sure and he told me like 8 or 9 months pregnant. I feel really angry about this and foolish, i know it all belongs in the past but i feel like contacting her and saying was it all lies and why and how could you? I feel guilty thinking this as i love the person i am with now and have no feeling for the ex... i just dont know what to think, i always felt good about what turned into a bad relationship that i helped somebody rebuild their life after being abused even if it cost me so much heartache at the time.

I just want to know would you confront the person after such a long time?

WhyGoBald

Let me get this straight - someone you were previously in a relationship cheated on you. You felt betrayed, and rightly so. You left her and moved on to another relationship, so did she, and hopefully she gained some responsibility into the bargain, who knows.

Now you want to "confront" her because she moved on with her life? It makes you feel "angry" and "foolish"? Why so, OP?

BraziliaNZ

Wait what's the problem? Was she not allowed get on with her life? Women do have babies, you know.

tinkerbell

What's the problem here? That she moved on and is pregnant? Seriously OP, take a step back and re-read your post. People move on. There is nothing to confront her about. Your relationship ended and you both moved on.

You say in your original post that as a result of what happened, she couldn't have children. It might have been the truth, or a lie. If it was the truth, then sometimes miracles can happen and she fell pregnant. If it was a lie, then well it was a lie.

You do not need to confront her. Leave it be and move on with your life.

Taltos

guest911911 wrote: »

She told me she had been abused by a family member when she was a child and as a result she couldnt have children.

OP I get why you are angry. You feel like this person not only cheated on you but used you as a way to get their own life in order. I get that I really do.

However - nothing can be gained by you at this stage challenging her.
My advice is to put it all behind her - if you ever meet her again - just keep on walking. She clearly has issues and you did your best - you helped her.

Do what you can to put her clearly behind you - no-one needs hassle like this coming back into their lives.

Daisy M

When you met her she was a very messed up individual who had been through a lot so its possible she exaggerated parts of her story to gain sympathy/attention. However she could have been telling the truth, there are mothers out there who were told they would never have children also fertility treatments are improving all the time.

Let it go you have moved on and are happy concentrate on you current relationship and let go of the past one or it may begin to eat you up.

ElleEm

OP, I see why you're annoyed, and you may feel that if she "lied" about not being able to have children, then she may have lied about the abuse.

I know three women who were all told they couldn't have children, due to different things, and all three now have healthy children. Sometimes the doctors make mistakes.

Don't let her pregnancy make you doubt the rest of her stories. Not until you know for sure that she lied about anything.

Squiggler

It is also quite possible that she really did believe that she couldn't have children.

As others have said, there is nothing to be gained by being angry about this. It will only harm you. Let go, for your own sanity and health.

Big Bag of Chips

It is very possible that she was told she couldn't have children. My friend was told at 18 due to some "woman's problems" she was having that she wouldn't be able to have children. Her and her bf stopped "being careful" and she had a baby at 19, and had 3 more after that!

It is also possible that she has received some sort of treatment.. to help her conceive.

Don't be angry, you haven't been up to this point. Wish her well in her life and hope she is finally happy.

LegacyUser

OP here, had a bit of time to think over the weekend, it was abit of a shock to hear as it felt she lied to me (although maybe there was some change in the reproduction issue), i had noticed things that didnt seem right with her (many stories) but how do you nit pick over an issue like abuse, it just felt like that it confirmed something i had suspected deep down and in hindsight. Its hard to put a long term relationship into a post but i was treated pretty badly and cost me alot of friends who tried to 'put me wide' to her but i felt i owed it to her to help her... hence feeling a bit foolish.

Anyways i dont really care its in the past either way if was all true then i'm happy for her that she has gotten on with her life, if it wasnt well i have met someone really special so maybe that was my just reward

thanks to all who took the time to reply

Taltos

OP glad you came to a happy conclusion on how to proceed.

Closing the thread.