Not sure if I can cope!

LegacyUser

Im writing this for some advice maybe from people who have had a previous experience that was similar.

I believe that I have messed things up with the woman I love!
We've been together for 3 years, most have been great, there was talk of marraige, infact I had been saving for a ring.

Now the thing is I have become very unhappy, I haven't dealt with this well. I've been drinking way too much etc. Alot of fight have resulted. Of my making but I believe the reason is alot to do with she being the type of person that doesn't like discussing problems and i end up storing up all these issues and I have then exploded a number of times (always as a result of drink). Now I should say that I feel that she is sometimes inconsiderate, I try to do everything I can to make her happy and I feel this has become something that has been taken for granted I feel.

Due to work she has had to move away. I am unhappy in my work also so the plan has been for me to join her when I get a job there. This has proven very difficult but I visited as much as I possibly could, this weekend I was just arriving and we had a fight over the phone, communication problems being the main issue. But the long and the short was that we broke up and I was left in a big city with nowhere to turn. I ended up spending the entire weekend either drunk or asleep and there was various angry texts and calls back an forth all weekend. Alot of which I don't remember. I got home and wasn't able to go to work for three day, left constant voicemails / texts etc. with no response. Yet she was able to leave messages to friends on facebook in a very jovial tone, fully aware that I would be able to see.... I finally talked to her and she said she doesn't know what to do, and feels that we need time apart to see what she wants to do.... She does love me of that there is no doubt and i her but I don't think that she thinks it is enough anymore, maybe despite our efforts the distance has been too much, we were living together for nine months prior to all this and it has proven very hard for both of us.

I was very upset, We have agreed to speak over the phone at the weekend. There was incouraging signs via text since but I don't know. She said on the phone that her main fear is that down the line something bad happens that I won't cope and she'll be left to deal with it, i.e. omeone dying etc. I don't think this was fair but I can probably see where she is coming from.

I've been trying to control my drinking but I haven't been able too. I ve been to the doctor yesterday and he has put me on sleeping tablets and anxiety medication for a few days. I have made the decision to pack in booze indefinately and get more exercise etc. She knows this. Now if the roles were reversed I would have been on the first flight over to her, to support her if she was in that much pain, she has flights paid for this weekend but isn't bothering now, as she is angry.... tHIS I think is probably another sign that she doesn't see it working!

Dont really know what I want to know. The conversation at the weekend will tell alot I guess. But if it does end I don't know what will become of me. She is much more level headed then me and will deal with it alot better.

Thank's for reading....

BraziliaNZ

Yeah it's over. The jovial tone, it would now be a weight off her shoulders now that she's free of you. She has moved, she's in a new place, she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. People don't make these decisions overnight and it sounds like the relationship has been toxic for a long time.
I know you're at the stage where you're not thinking straight, but the only thing you can do now is not contact her (each time you do you'll come across as more of a lunatic), and try and get your act together. It'll probably take months, but sooner or later you'll see that the relationship was never going to work the way things were, and you can move on with your life and learn some lessons.

PS - You can cope, we all cope, you may realise that the whole ridiculous relationship was the cause of all your anxiety and stress in future. I bet it is. Just try and chill out, women are not the only thing to live for.

Miss Fluff

PleaseHelp!!! wrote: »

I have made the decision to pack in booze indefinately and get more exercise etc.

If you do this and stick with it your coping mechanisms will increase exponentially. To me it sounds like the relationship is over - keep your head clear, avoid looking into the end of a bottle for solace and you'll find that you will cope so much better.

MetzgerMeister

With regard to your thinking that you doing everything you can to make her happy being taken for granted, I understand exactly what you mean. I have been there myself.

It's like as though they see just how far they can go and what they can get away with. Do not let this happen. You MUST stand up for yourself each and every time. Don't let her think she can walk all over you. If you let her, she will have no respect for you.

Stand up for yourself and stick to your guns. It will be hard and you will want to say anything to make her happy again but don't. You will find that once you do this and make her apologise, things will be a lot better.

The girl that I had to stand up for myself did this. I got so sick of her sh!t that I broke up with her. A day went by and she contacted me asking if we could meet up. I said no but maybe in a few days time. Eventually we did and she was so apologetic it was as though she was a different person. I didn't get back with her because I didn't want her sh!t anymore.

Since then she has had total respect for me whenever I see her out.

I hope you get through this and you and your girl sort things out.

Ickle Magoo

Drinking way too much, fighting, she doesn't like discussing problems, you storing up issues and then exploding - I know it's all very raw at the moment but it sounds like a fairly unhealthy relationship to begin with and perhaps in the long run you'll be better off?

I don't think mind-games are going to help you, that's still not a healthy way of communicating. Well done on making the decision to come off the drink and get exercise - I think you need to get your head in a healthier place before any relationship will work...and you might be in a better place to judge whether this one is worth pursuing.

You also might have to accept that everyone has their limits regarding what they are prepared to tolerate from a partner and given the drinking and the associated fighting - she may have been considering a break for a while now and so will be able to move on quicker...regardless, don't be torturing yourself reading her facebook page or whatever - concentrate on getting yourself better.

All the best.

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.

MetzgerMeister

Apologies Magoo!