Writing a letter to become friends?

Vereena

Hi,

I'd like to ask you for some advice.
There is this woman I know. I like her very much and would really love to become friends with her. Usually I wouldn't have such a hard time to befriending someone, but this case is a bit difficult.

She used to be a rather prominent person in my country. Everybody knows who she is. I have had the luck to get to know her in person. Always when I see her she gives me the broadest smile I've ever seen. Also she makes a lot of eyecontact. A while ago I talked to her with a few other people and she opened up as if we were longtime friends while looking me deeply in my eyes.

I have the feeling she might be interested in a friendship too. Now I'm thinking about writing her a letter. Just a simple one, to be the next step to take this into a friendship. I found her address quite simply, as I know what's the name of her husband. Usually writing a letter would feel like a common thing to do. In this case, not exactly knowing where I'm standing, I think she might considder it stalking, eventhough she made me clear she really likes me.

What do you think?
Should I write the letter?
Or do you think of another effective way to become closer to her?

Thanks.

A0

She's married. Move on, find a single woman.

Vereena

I understand the replays. I'm not in love with her, nor interested in a romantic relationship. Just a friendship.

Miss Fluff

In this case, not exactly knowing where I'm standing, I think she might considder it stalking

I think she might consider it stalking too

eventhough she made me clear she really likes me.

Because she looked you in the eyes? You sound deluded.

Aside from anything else she is married and a public figure - are you sure you're not some type of super-fan?

Have you done this kind of thing before by any chance?

A0

Vereena wrote: »

I understand the replays. I'm not in love with her, nor interested in a romantic relationship. Just a friendship.

Facebook then :rolleyes:

Vereena

I understand the replays. I'm not in love with her, nor interested in another romantic way. Would just like to get closer to her as a regular person, as a friend.

fungun

Friendships happen naturally or not at all. Writing a letter to attempt to strike up a friendship just isnt going to work. Try talking to her when you see her, and maybe invite her and her husband for dinner maybe

Daisy M

Ok what I am getting from your post is this woman was/is famous/wellknown in your country. You have actually came into contact with her on a personal level through mutual aquaintances and from these meetings you have felt a personal connection with her.

Firstly the eyecontact and the broad smile will be part of her public persona to make her more appealing to the public, certain public personas have a way of making all the tens of thousands of people they meet feel special ie Bill Clinton was renowed for making people feel as if they were the only person in the room.

Your post and the approach you are suggesting sounds of the wall, sorry to be blunt but it does, writing a letter to someone asking them to be friends is beserk.

However to give you the benefit of the doubt and your not some kind of stalker the best way to approach this lady would be to give her a call or write a note saying you enjoyed meeting her and your chat and would like to meet for coffee if ever she had the time in her busy schedual. Leave it at that there is no need to confess undying love or kinsmanship or whatever and if she fails to contact you DO NOT APPROACH HER AGAIN, respect her boundaries and leave it alone.

A0

Vereena wrote: »

I understand the replays. I'm not in love with her, nor interested in another romantic way. Would just like to get closer to her as a regular person, as a friend.

Facebook then :rolleyes:

Vereena

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Have you done this kind of thing before by any chance?

No, I've never done anything like this before. I'm not a super-fan. We kinda worked together for a few weeks. As there were always alot of people around we couldn't talk privately. But we did get to know eachother quite well.

However, I think all of you are right. I felt unsure about writing the letter, that's why I posted this thread.

Vereena

Daisy M wrote: »

writing a letter to someone asking them to be friends is beserk.

Yes, I agree on that. I was thinking about writing her a letter, without asking her to become friends!

dellas1979

No letter writing - scrap that idea pronto.

If you want to be friends with someone, nothing wrong with that. Ask them for a coffee or something more direct. Letter writing in this case would be construed as romantic and slightly bonkers (although your intention isnt to scare her, this probably would).

dellas1979

Vereena wrote: »

Yes, I agree on that. I was thinking about writing her a letter, without asking her to become friends!

Crikey - what???

fungun

dellas1979 wrote: »

Crikey - what???

i think what he means is to write a letter as a way of beginning a friendship, not writing a latter saying 'will you be my friend?'

Vereena

fungun wrote: »

i think what he means is to write a letter as a way of beginning a friendship, not writing a latter saying 'will you be my friend?'

Exactly!

Miss Fluff

Vereena wrote: »

Exactly!

Still a bad (and rather bizarre) idea. Friendships should happen organically and easily and I just don't think a letter is the way to go here. Next time you see the person tell them that it's great to see them again, you enjoyed working with them and would they like to meet for a coffee when they are free. Leave it at that.

Vereena

sunflower27 wrote: »

I know this sounds blunt, but a letter is weird. Is she a celebrity or something? I am a bit confused??

Not really a celebrity, however quite known due to her former job. It's not like she has a lot of fans who are around her all the time.

I don't know when I will see her again. The stupid thing is: to me it all feels weird, writing a letter as well as asking her out for a coffee. However, doing nothing won't help either. That's why I'm thinking about ways to get in touch with her. But I definately don't want to scare her in any way.

Last time we spoke we were with 4 people in the room and she told very private things about her feelings and about something else, which I can't mention here. While telling that she looked me in the eyes all the time, as if she was telling it to me. That gave me the impression she likes me (in a non-romantic way) and even trusts me.

cat_dog

I'm not a medical professional, but this sounds like a form of erotomania / psychosis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania

Vereena

cat_dog wrote: »

I'm not a medical professional, but this sounds like a form of erotomania / psychosis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania

Haha, no way!
I guess it's hard to explain myself on a forum. What makes it harder is that she is this 'rather known' person. I would've liked her just as much if she wasn't. It would certainly have made things alot easier.

Well, I guess I should just forget about the letter.

Thanks for the replies.

Ickle Magoo

cat_dog, please leave the diagnosing for the medical professionals - proffering internet diagnoses is not permitted on this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

pragmatic1

Op keep in mind that she is just another human like you and me.

zxcvbnm1

Dude - to put it bluntly this is the wackiest thing i've seen in a while on this forum.

You are putting way too much effort into this 'friendship'.

Would you put the same effort into a potential friendship with a male? Presumably not.
Therefore it is safe to assume you have a romantic interest in her - regardless of whether you admit to it or not.

she's married - leave her alone and get her out of your mind and get on with your own life and women that are single.

A0

+ 1 to zxcvbnm1

and me to add: one more male - female "close friendship" :rolleyes:, does it work?

A0

You should probably realize that if she is a prominent figure, like you said, then it's likely she's smiling and making eye contact with you because of this. Politicians do it, celebrities do it, they make you feel special and like you matter when, in fact, you're likely just another face in the crowd.

Unfortunately, it would be best to just move on. If she wanted you as a friend, then surely she would have initiated it.

A0 wrote: »

+ 1 to zxcvbnm1

and me to add: one more male - female "close friendship" :rolleyes:, does it work?

Some of my best friends right now are female, so yes, yes it does.

A0

Deleted User wrote: »

Some of my best friends right now are female, so yes, yes it does.

Very close friendship? Are they married? Are you married? Similar age? It can work but to some extend. If both are single or in the OP case where you can feel something is going on it can be difficult to just stay friends though, and it's beyond the scope of the thread anyway...

A0

A0 wrote: »

Very close friendship? Are they married? Are you married? Similar age? It can work but to some extend. If both are single or in the OP case where you can feel something is going on it can be difficult to just stay friends though, and it's beyond the scope of the thread anyway...

Yes, we are very close friends and we can talk about pretty much everything. However, this isn't what the thread is about, so I won't talk anything more about it.

Going back on topic, like I said earlier, OP, just leave it.

A0

Deleted User wrote: »

Yes, we are very close friends and we can talk about pretty much everything. However, this isn't what the thread is about, so I won't talk anything more about it.

Going back on topic, like I said earlier, OP, just leave it.

Thanks, all good, they are married and you are married so it's not surprising that it works well

Back to the OP, yes leave it, a "close frienship" won't work. Sounds weird to send a letter to build up a friendship...

A0

A0 wrote: »

Thanks, all good, they are married and you are married so it's not surprising that it works well

Back to the OP, yes leave it, a "close frienship" won't work. Sounds weird to send a letter to build up a friendship...

Neither of us are married, just felt that I should clarify that.

But I agree, if she is a prominent figure, then it's likely that she receives many such letters so you'd be just another one in a pile. If it happens, it'll happen naturally without you forcing it.

Meller

I don't see the big issue about this. I don't see the logic behind 'friendships either happen organically or not at all' - that's simply just not true! Sometimes when you meet somebody, for example in a group, and you think you'd really get along with them, you have to push it a bit - not to a creepy extent, but you CAN make an effort to speak to them alone and get to know them. You can just hope to run into them or get talking at some other point, but you could easily miss out that way.

People pursue romantic relationships, why not friendships too? Sometimes you can just tell when you're going to get along well with someone.

I do think asking to meet her would make more sense than a letter though.

This attitude about 'natural friendships' is probably why so many people end up friends they have nothing in common with. You'd have to be very lucky to keep running into the friends who are right for you just by chance, without any effort on your part.

Selik

What's wrong with email? :pac:

Vereena

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Would you put the same effort into a potential friendship with a male?

Would it make a difference had I been woman?

tinkerbell

Vereena wrote: »

Would it make a difference had I been woman?

No it would not. You need to stop this behaviour OP. It's bordering on stalkerish. You have only met her a few times. She is married, and I'm sure she, nor her husband would be impressed by getting letters from some guy looking for a "friendship".

Ickle Magoo

Vereena wrote: »

Would it make a difference had I been woman?

I think the point zxcvbnm1 was making is would you be posting here umming and ahing over writing a letter to try to befriend a bloke?

I've never had to write to someone to ask that they become my friend, nor have I been so detached from someone's actual life that I've ever considered writing to them to try to generate a friendship and I'd find both doing so or receiving a letter from someone in those circumstances distinctly odd.

That said, what have you got to loose? It's her decision if she wants to meet or be friends, or even reply. Write to her and if you get a reply take it from there, if you don't though - I'd advise you to draw a line under it and in future look for friendships with people whom you actually interact with and can ask in person if they want to meet for coffee or whatever...

All the best.