What have I become??

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

So the story is, I'm sitting in my mates gaf with my head all over the place and thought typing here might help. I don't know where to begin but I'll try to keep it short.

I've been with my gf for just over a year and I love her. It's hard saying that right now after what's just happened but I at least thought I loved her.

We live together but for the past few weeks haven't been getting on well. We argue alot about money because neither of us has much and other stupid things but it all adds up and we've just been bickering at each other. So last weekend i suggested that I go stay in mates apartment for a while, so we could have some space. She agreed.

So on Friday I packed a few things, said goodbye to her and left. We were both calm and actually quite happy. A few minutes later as I'm walking towards the bus I get a text saying 'He's gone..you can come by anytime now..dont forget the wine:)x'.

I didn't get it at first and thought she must be texting her friend but something didn't sit right so I went back to the apartment and when I walked in she was standing in the middle of the room with a paniced look on her face. She was all flustered and said angrily what are you doing back here???

I said why, who were you expecting and she just stood there all red faced and speechless.
I called her every name under the sun and screamed at her to get out. She grabbed her coat and left.

I then proceeded to grab all her clothes and put them into bags. I got her perfume and smashed it on the bathroom wall. I ripped up her college books. I smashed up all her make up and crap on the dresser and then I left.

I ****ed her clothes over a wall, called my mates and got hammered.

As it turns out, she was cheating on me with some guy from work and she has admitted it.

I don't know what the hell to do. I don't know why I acted the way I did. I am so angry, hurt, guilty, angry, ashamed, angey and back to hurt.

Please can someone give me some advice?

I'm not usually a bad or violent person. I don't know what came over me.

Miss Fluff

You had a massive shock you poor thing and I think you probably just reacted in a fit of rage and hurt and fury at what had just occured. People react in all kinds of ways to shock. Go easy on yourself, what's done is done. They are only her "things", it'd be an entirely different issue if you'd thrown HER over the wall tbh.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You had a massive shock you poor thing and I think you probably just reacted in a fit of rage and hurt and fury at what had just occured. People react in all kinds of ways to shock. Go easy on yourself, what's done is done. They are only her "things", it'd be an entirely different issue if you'd thrown HER over the wall tbh.

Ah..you've no idea how good you've just made me feel Miss Fluff. I haven't felt in any way good since this all happened until just now.

I know what I did was wrong and haven't even admitted it to my friends. They all know about the text and about her cheating so are full of sympathy fo me but I avoided telling them that i ruined all of her things and smashed things up. I feel so ashamed about it. I would never ever hurt her, even now and I wouldn't even hurt this prick she's cheating with but something came over me and I wanted to destroy her.

I knew something was up. when we fought recently it was different, we fought differently if that makes sense. Like, she used to go mad if I went out without her but lately she didn't seem to care. If I came home drunk and had spent money she wouldn't give out like she usually would. I guess she just didn't care about me anymore but why not just end it then?

We're not kids. I'm 30 and she's 31. We are grown ups but we have both acted like children.

The weird thing is, all I'm thinking about is what I did. I'm not even thinking about her or him. How messed up is that???? It's like I'm numb..

Swampy

I don't think you did anything wrong there. She got what she deserved.

wexfordgent

good for you. I could be in a similar boat except im married with 3 kids. you are better finding out now than having years of misery and find out 10 yrs later that she was cheating all along

username123

An extreme reaction, but extreme circumstances. As Miss Fluff said, you didnt throw HER over a wall - it was only things.

Its not really any different to people smashing plates or punching walls through upset, the main thing here is that you didnt actually physically harm a person and although it was pretty nasty to break up her stuff, well, it was pretty nasty to be cheating on you so I wouldnt worry too much.

Sorry to hear you had to find out in such a way, hope you feel better soon.

Please Kill Me

Allovatheshop wrote: »

I don't know why I acted the way I did. I am so angry, hurt, guilty, angry, ashamed, angey and back to hurt.

You just answered your own question there mate. You did noting wrong. It was a normal reaction as far as I'm concerned! I'd be the same and I'm sure others would. The hurt will heal in time (I know - you hear that all the time) and you will get on with your life. It's a horrible, dispicable thing she did and you're better off out of it.

LegacyUser

You have no idea how much you're all after helping me. Here I've been all week beating myself up over her material bull**** things, not even thinking about what she did to me. I haven't given myself a moments peace. I have been in turmoil over MY actions not HER actions so thank you all beyond belief.

i really thought i'd come on here and be told i'm the worst in the world, how could i do that etc so thanks for seeing it my way and understanding.

Back to her, she is a total bitch and I will never forgive her. I think cheating is disgusting and cowardly and she knows this. I hate her to the core.

She is now telling everyone what i did and of course her friends have all deleted me on facebook (ooooooHHH like i give a ****) and i know they're all probably sitting around drinking wine 'consoling her'.

Life is so messed up sometimes but I'm glad that I now longer feel like the bad guy. She came go to hell and I don't give a f*ck.

She sent me an email saying i owe her 400 euro worth of damage and listed the things like this -

College books - 150
Perfume - 60
eyepen - 30
Blah blah blah

She can go f*ck herself. She said i need to replace her clothes. Hah!!

However, how do i stop her contacting me about this?? I'm not giving her a penny..

Miss Fluff

Allovatheshop wrote: »

The weird thing is, all I'm thinking about is what I did. I'm not even thinking about her or him. How messed up is that???? It's like I'm numb..

I think the human mind can sometimes drip-feed upsetting incidents so yours has chosen to focus on this for now as focussing on the circumstances of what happened with your GF is probably a little bit too painful. Perfectly natural and I wouldn't be giving yourself a hard time over being "messed up" or your reaction to all of this, what she did to you was awful.

Neyite

Are people really praising a guy for destroying personal property belonging to others instead of commiting assault??

Destroying her possessions is wrong. Yes, she is an absolute wagon and a cheat, and a horrible person, but you went a bit loopers there. I know you were angry, but you caused lots of damage - and you should replace them. Her cheating does not cancel out what you did. Two wrongs and all that.

Going by what those same items I have would cost to replace, I spent about €200 on college books, have about €150 worth of perfume, about €100 worth of makeup, and my clothes to replace them would cost about €750 -€1000 at least for a basic wardrobe to replace what I had.

You caused anywhere between €1000 -€2000 worth of damage. Offer to replace her stuff before she calls the gardai on you.

I am a friend

I agree with neyite - there is no excuse for this level of violence to her property and op you need to make financial amends to your ex.

Ickle Magoo

Agree with Neyite - if you find out your partner is cheating on you then you thank your lucky stars you aren't going to be strung along any longer and walk away. Destruction of someone's property - or worse - is only going to land you in serious trouble.

Regardless of what life throws at us, the way to deal with it isn't through violence of any description - be the better person and an adult about it and just walk away.

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

Are people really praising a guy for destroying personal property belonging to others instead of commiting assault??

Destroying her possessions is wrong. Yes, she is an absolute wagon and a cheat, and a horrible person, but you went a bit loopers there. I know you were angry, but you caused lots of damage - and you should replace them. Her cheating does not cancel out what you did. Two wrongs and all that.

Going by what those same items I have would cost to replace, I spent about €200 on college books, have about €150 worth of perfume, about €100 worth of makeup, and my clothes to replace them would cost about €750 -€1000 at least for a basic wardrobe to replace what I had.

You caused anywhere between €1000 -€2000 worth of damage. Offer to replace her stuff before she calls the gardai on you.

When I said all of her clothes I meant I grabbed a handful of her things from the wardrobe and threw them in a bag. It was just shirts and tops, no way it was worth 1000 euro, no chance.

I would never assault anyone. I would never physically harm anyone no matter what they did. I was in a state of shock and anger and instead of punching the wall, I tore up her books and smashed her perfume.

wrong - yes. I know this very much.
Crime of the century - no, not close to it.

Breaking somebody's heart and ripping it to pieces is way more damage, there's no price on that and it's not replaceable. She damaged me for good. At least she can buy a bottle of bloody cool water.

Call the guards? And say what? I'd simply deny it. No prove. No cameras in our flat.

greenprincess

I think its totally understandable but you probably should offer to replace at least some of her stuff. I kno how you felt though, after a blazing row with my ex i threw his phone into water. I replace it though!

Ickle Magoo

Allovatheshop wrote: »

Crime of the century - no, not close to it.

Wow, that was quick turn around - what happened to "what have I become"?

Allovatheshop wrote: »

Call the guards? And say what? I'd simply deny it. No prove. No cameras in our flat.

Do you think only people being filmed committing a crime have criminal records? I think you really need to wise up and understand that by not getting violent, you are doing yourself a much bigger favour than you are doing them.

LighterGuy

Allovatheshop wrote: »

.... So on Friday I packed a few things, said goodbye to her and left. We were both calm and actually quite happy. A few minutes later as I'm walking towards the bus I get a text saying 'He's gone..you can come by anytime now..dont forget the wine:)x'.

Dude, I actually shook my head when I read that line. Thats bloody terrible.

AngryBadger

Allovatheshop wrote: »

I don't know why I acted the way I did. I am so angry, hurt, guilty, angry, ashamed, angey and back to hurt.

Please can someone give me some advice?

I'm not usually a bad or violent person. I don't know what came over me.

You acted the way you did because you were angry and had been betrayed by a piece of garbage.

You're currently in the throes of "man-rage". You'll want o break anything you can, tables, chairs, other people. You should fight that urge, and focus all your ragew ont hat fact that your gf was a ****.

So focus all your anger on that one factoid and try to keep it containe until you feel like venting at that bitch. It'#s all she deserves right?

Chinafoot

Amazed at some of these replies.

Yes she was a cheating cow, it's terrible and all the rest. That does not justify your reaction. You destroyed her personal property and she has every right to expect you to replace it.
Yes you were hurt but its no excuse for the violent temper tantrum you reacted with. Do you want a medal because you didn't hit her?!

Funny how your all full of remorse and guilt until someone says 'well actually yeah, that was a shítty thing to do and you should replace her things.' You don't feel one iota of guilt over this. If you did you would at least be replacing her college books.

You'd want to take a good hard look at yourself OP. Such a violent reaction is not 'the norm' no matter how many people on this thread want to justify what you did.

outdoor_miner

**** her belongings. You feel bad for reacting the way you did, you aren't a monster.

King of Kings

Don't mind some of the negative comments here.

. Like you said can she can prove it? - gardai rarely look into he said / she said arguments once nobody is hurt. Furthermore if you share finances in any way you can claim part ownership of those items so they were yours to smash anyway.
Anyway should they do she'll never go to court with it as the whole story will end up in some local rag - she won't want that.
So the whole garda thing is a red herring

So brazen it out and don't pay a penny toward her.
She acted in a terrible manner and got her payback

I guarantee if the sexes were reversed nobody would bat an eyelid if you cut up all her clothes. In fact they'd probably Whoop with glee and shout "go Girl" or something similair.

Just one thing be prepared for a heap of stories floating about about what a dick you were and the incident that night to be skewed totally that you are a prick.

Taltos

OP - this is the PI/RI forum. As such we are not in a position to offer legal advice to you.
By destroying her property potentially you could be charged with criminal damage.

As a number of the posts are straying towards potential responses to the gardai we feel it is best at this time to close this thread.

Can I remind all that our charter clearly does not advocate any form of violence, we do not distiguish between violence to a person or to a person's property.

Taltos