dont know where i stand now!

LegacyUser

hi all would really appreciate advice on the following. ill try to keep it short and to the point.


-was mad about boy1 , going out with him from august- christmas last year
- ignored the warnings from friends and stayed in contact with him,till finally cut ties in june for my own sake.
- met boy 2 in july, being honest was still broken hearted over boy 1
- being honest i was in total wrong head frame to be with anyone
-looking back i am ashamed of my actions- totally used him for attention and to get other boy out of my head

- thing is i now genuinely am completely over boy 1 , he has even initiated contact again and there is nothing there on my side.
- i now really think have genuine feelings for boy 2. however i think i have spent too long moaning to him about boy 1 and that he himself feels that i was only out for one thing with him! i know how bad that sounds. he is currently working in england- we were due to meet up in 2 weeks but havent heard anything from him in over a week.
- feel ball is in his court- as i was last one to initiate contact with him on last few occasions-
-he always does reply- but feel he is pulling back from me.

too late perhaps. feel i rushed things way too much too fast with him. what to do ?

dellas1979

Why dont you simply tell him how you feel and ask him what is going on and stop playing gamey games with him? He possibly thinks you are playing games with him. Im sure being a bit more upfront/straight forward would help you more than us guessing what is going on in his head.

I am a friend

Do you just want him now because he is pulling back from you?

ElleEm

I completely agree with Dellas. Stop playing games, 'ball in his court' nonsense. Contact him, say you're lookin forward to seeing him etc. When you're with him, apologise about any impression you may have given him regarding your relationship status with the other fella,and assure him that you like him and wanna spend time with him.

LegacyUser

op here again. thanks all for the truthful advice..
think i do genuinely like him and not because he is pulling back.he is home the 20th so think i will leave it a little closer to the time and tell him im looking forward to seeing him! i know that he is especially crazy busy this time of year in his line of work . dont want come across as too needy!!contacting him the whole time. just things with boy1 and other guys ive been with / went out with were very different as in amount contact we had at beginning etc. guess him being in england doesnt help and also dont know how much me going on and on about boy 1 from the beginning helped. though it was drunk talk when i was at my worst about him. rant over.. thanks for advice

dellas1979

I dont think that telling someone you like them or asking what the story is is being needy. Its a way to get answers to your questions.

LegacyUser

How did boy1 last and drag on so long from xmas to june, and when you say you had warnings etc from friends, what do you mean??? Why did you have to stop contact for you and how he has recently started contact, does boy1 know where he stands now, I feel this is very important prior to sorting out boy2 :-)

LegacyUser

yes looking back now i dont know how boy1 dragged things out so long! basically i would be close friends with his sister and first cousin and cutting all contact was harder than usual. i genuinely did try and ignored his attempts at contact- but he still kept it up. and there was events that we both had to go to in between that time that did'nt help. i was never with him during that time or since breaking up . but he just i think likes the attention and will not stop contact even though i dont reply most of the times.


warnings from my friends were that i should have stopped contact from the beginning of the split which was so true! if i did i wouldnt be where i am now almost a year on !!!!!

re . does boy 1 know where he stands? yes i think he is in no doubt that i have moved on. he wants now what he cant have and in way think he just likes the challenge of something now thats not going to happen. i do still fancy him always probably will but i dont like him anymore if that makes sense!!

so boy 2 has made no contact- nor have i yet- just been trying to sort my head out about the whole matter with very understanding friends and all you on here!

my plan of action is ill make contact with him before xmas when he due to come home anyway and just see how meet up goes.

dellas1979

unregistered wrote: »

my plan of action is ill make contact with him before xmas when he due to come home anyway and just see how meet up goes.

Good woman. I always find that what you put out there, you get back, and it stops all this wondering and guessing milarkey. I dont see it as being needy - more straight up and forward and knowing what you want, and going for it.

LegacyUser

thanks dellas1979. yes im just going to make contact closer to the time. and he either will or wont reply!!! in meantime i think il enjoy some men free head space/ thanks all for listening and for advice