Making friends in Australian cities. A frustrating process?

Pisco Sour

Been here nearly a year and still feel like a complete ghost when walking the streets of Melbourne. Took a good while to build up a solid group of friends of about 9 or 10 that I'd go out with regularly. But in the last few months, our group has taken a severe hit with many people leaving Melbourne for various reasons. It's so very frustrating. You go to huge efforts to meet people and make friends and people innevitably move on and you end up back in the same position.

Since coming back permanently from my farm work I feel like I really don't know a whole lot of people here again. Staying in a hostel for a bit until I get settled. You meet plenty of people through it, but in the end of the day what's the point if they are just going to move on somewhere else in a few days/weeks/months. I plan on being here for the entire of 2012, so meeting backpackers who are here for one month or two seems a pointless and counterproductive.

I've joined an athletics club (mainly because of my love of the sport, but also as a way of meeting people my age). No such luck. Most people in the club seem to be over 40 and/or married, and those that are my age are absolutely no craic.

Work never seems to be very good for meeting people over here either. The culture of going for drinks after work doesnt really exist here.

How do others find the whole thing of moving to a new city and trying to get to know people?

Tigerandahalf

Join a GAA club. They will be starting up soon enough, probably in February. Even if you have absolutely no interest (or talent!) there will be lots more of the like there. Lots of social things organised around the clubs - quizzes, fundraisers, trips away, etc. Even if you have no interest, if you are willing to help out with club admin or little duties the club would welcome you. Great chance to meet people and a good share of the people will be in the same situation as yourself. Great contacts for work etc as well.

Pisco Sour

Tigerandahalf wrote: »

Join a GAA club. They will be starting up soon enough, probably in February. Even if you have absolutely no interest (or talent!) there will be lots more of the like there. Lots of social things organised around the clubs - quizzes, fundraisers, trips away, etc. Even if you have no interest, if you are willing to help out with club admin or little duties the club would welcome you. Great chance to meet people and a good share of the people will be in the same situation as yourself. Great contacts for work etc as well.

I can imagine it would be a good way of meeting people, but being honest I am not a GAA man, and I'd like to get to know people from everywhere, not just Irish people.

myflipflops

Go to local sport.

Get a Rebels season ticket, pick an AFL team (Hawks!) and get a season ticket, go to all the cricket.

manlad

The guys on here based in Oz usually arrange a boards beers meet up. Usually in different cities. Keep an eye out for their next meeting maybe.

If all else fails take out a personal ad:D....The film 'I Love You Man' may also provide some useful tips, quote - ''I need to get some fucking friends''

amybabes

It's hard OP - when i landed, my bf had been here a full year before me and had built up a huge group of friends from all over from living in a hostel for 8 months in sydney- irish, english, welsh, scottish, french, chilean, brazilian, aussie, kiwi, russian! Literally spent the first 2 years of my time here with this group of people - made a handful of my own friends outside of this group but nowhere near as many as i would have if i hadnt fallen into a big social group of people so easy.
The best friends i made over 3 years are all but gone from Australia due to many reasons - visa expiry mostly. I'm now in a pretty serious job which requires me to work long hours. I'm in the gym every morning at 7 and don't leave my desk til 7 in the evening, I don't have time to go out midweek and fri/sat/sun like i used to. Have been asleep at 8 or 9pm the past few fridays i'm so worn out for work. Selfish? Yes probably but I feel like I'm just not able to make a huge effort to make new and retain new friends. Even the small group of our original group of friends left here - we see less and less due to the fact that we may not go out for a weekend or two in a row. I feel under pressure to be in the pub, going out for everyones birthday/going away party/house warming because if you turn down one invite you won't be asked to the next event! Sad but true.

If you find the secret to making new friends that doesn't require monumental effort please let me know!

But don't be put off by the fact you think people in hostels are only in transit and it isn't worth your time and effort - hostels are the easiest way to make friends.

Pisco Sour

amybabes wrote: »

we see less and less due to the fact that we may not go out for a weekend or two in a row.

That is actually another problem that I face. Most of my remaining friends here are couples. Absolutely lovely people, and am delighted I have met them, and they are good mates. But if they decide to have a quiet weekend in, or weekend away (understandable if you are a couple) then I am kind of left with nobody to go out with.

Joe10000

Maybe stay away from the transient groups, get a local and stop trying so hard.

BossArky

04072511 wrote: »

Work never seems to be very good for meeting people over here either. The culture of going for drinks after work doesnt really exist here.

Why waste the next day dying of a hangover when you could be making the best use of the many opportunities available to you in Australia?

04072511 wrote: »

How do others find the whole thing of moving to a new city and trying to get to know people?

First step & in relation to your first point I've quoted above --> don't spend so much time in the pub. You're no use to yourself or anyone else if you're dying of a hangover for half the weekend.

Find something you are passionate about & do it. Don't go looking for the party.... bring it! If you're positive and get on with life people will gravitate towards you, instead of you trying to grab onto the tailcoats of someone else's thriving lifestyle.

Don't have a hobby or interest which you are currently passionate about? Find one. Start looking in 3 broad categories:

- Sport (physical). Join a club, do something you've never done before e.g. a basic sailing course which lasts x number of weeks and gives you a beginners cert. If you hate it, so what?... move on and try something else. The experience will stand to you. My experience with various clubs & societys includes regular BBQs, meals, etc, organized through these for members, committees, etc. This is where your new social circle will come from... not from random drunken waffling with complete strangers you'll never see again at 2am in late night bar.

- Art (intellectual). Join a book club / chess club / dance classes / learn an instrument in a group setting. Check out local libraries for this kind of info. Melbourne city library on Flinders & Perth city library on Hay street would be two places to start looking for this kind of stuff.

- Errr.. cannot remmeber the third category. If I do I'll come back and update this post. The point is .... do something. Try new things. Be open. There is no magic answer, but the only way to meet new people is to get exposed to people outside of your usual circle. Having a couple of different hobbies will give you more things to chat about with others and lead to new connections. It'll also make you appear more interesting to potential new friends. Plus, you'll be so busy that soon you'll forget how terrible life is and just get on with enjoying things :pac:

Alternatively, if you're in Perth come surfing with me at 5am! See my thread from yesterday.

Good luck!

PS - My self help book is available in all good bookstores nationwide

Pisco Sour

Thanks for the post BossArky.

With regards sport I have already joined a club. Have been part of an athletics club for a year now nearly. Run all the track meets for them, and absolutely love it, but it hasnt been good for meeting people.

For example last Saturday we had our Christmas dinner. Being honest, I found the night dreadfully boring. Obviously my main reason for joining an athletics club was the love of the sport, but I also wanted to meet people my age through it, but this hasnt really worked out. Most of the people in the club are either married, in their 40s-50s and beyond, or are kids. There are very few my age, and even less that are any craic. There is very little social aspect to the whole thing sadly. No nights out are ever arranged among the young people. We compete against 6-7 clubs each week and we never have anything with these clubs outside of athletics. It is incredibly disappointing, but it doesnt seem people are too bothered. It certainly is in stark contrast to the banter in the Irish bar in Rotterdam after I ran the marathon in 2010. Just because people run to a high (moderate) level doesnt mean they cant go on the piss from time to time. Too many people are much too serious!

Athletics is my sport though, and regardless of all that I love doing it. Just very frustrating that it hasnt led to meeting people my age. I train to a reasonable level so have no time to join any other sports club. However, I don't do the winter cross country/ road running season, so will keep an eye out for a sports club that I could join in the winter.

Sundy

04072511 wrote: »

Thanks for the post BossArky.

With regards sport I have already joined a club. Have been part of an athletics club for a year now nearly. Run all the track meets for them, and absolutely love it, but it hasnt been good for meeting people.

For example last Saturday we had our Christmas dinner. Being honest, I found the night dreadfully boring. Obviously my main reason for joining an athletics club was the love of the sport, but I also wanted to meet people my age through it, but this hasnt really worked out. Most of the people in the club are either married, in their 40s-50s and beyond, or are kids. There are very few my age, and even less that are any craic. There is very little social aspect to the whole thing sadly. No nights out are ever arranged among the young people. We compete against 6-7 clubs each week and we never have anything with these clubs outside of athletics. It is incredibly disappointing, but it doesnt seem people are too bothered. It certainly is in stark contrast to the banter in the Irish bar in Rotterdam after I ran the marathon in 2010. Just because people run to a high (moderate) level doesnt mean they cant go on the piss from time to time. Too many people are much too serious!

Athletics is my sport though, and regardless of all that I love doing it. Just very frustrating that it hasnt led to meeting people my age. I train to a reasonable level so have no time to join any other sports club. However, I don't do the winter cross country/ road running season, so will keep an eye out for a sports club that I could join in the winter.

Change Athletics club?

Sundy

Sundy wrote: »

Change Athletics club?

In two minutes on the internet i found this
http://www.gunnrunners.com.au/home

I have no idea if it is near you but it seems really social. Might be more near you or something similar.

There a whole list of clubs in Melbourne, look at their websites and see if one looks more what you are looking for.

You might not think so but voluntary work is a great way to make good friendships.

Pisco Sour

Sundy wrote: »

Change Athletics club?

I don't think I could. It would be such a disloyal thing to do, and a slap in the face to the people in the club who have been so kind over the last year with regards lifts to races, lifts home from races etc etc

Sundy

04072511 wrote: »

I don't think I could. It would be such a disloyal thing to do, and a slap in the face to the people in the club who have been so kind over the last year with regards lifts to races, lifts home from races etc etc

Yeah it might be a bit disloyal but thats life. Most important thing is doing what works for you.

Tigerandahalf

amybabes wrote: »

It's hard OP - when i landed, my bf had been here a full year before me and had built up a huge group of friends from all over from living in a hostel for 8 months in sydney- irish, english, welsh, scottish, french, chilean, brazilian, aussie, kiwi, russian! Literally spent the first 2 years of my time here with this group of people - made a handful of my own friends outside of this group but nowhere near as many as i would have if i hadnt fallen into a big social group of people so easy.
The best friends i made over 3 years are all but gone from Australia due to many reasons - visa expiry mostly. I'm now in a pretty serious job which requires me to work long hours. I'm in the gym every morning at 7 and don't leave my desk til 7 in the evening, I don't have time to go out midweek and fri/sat/sun like i used to. Have been asleep at 8 or 9pm the past few fridays i'm so worn out for work. Selfish? Yes probably but I feel like I'm just not able to make a huge effort to make new and retain new friends. Even the small group of our original group of friends left here - we see less and less due to the fact that we may not go out for a weekend or two in a row. I feel under pressure to be in the pub, going out for everyones birthday/going away party/house warming because if you turn down one invite you won't be asked to the next event! Sad but true.

If you find the secret to making new friends that doesn't require monumental effort please let me know!

But don't be put off by the fact you think people in hostels are only in transit and it isn't worth your time and effort - hostels are the easiest way to make friends.

That's a good post Amy. I suppose it shows the difference between the WHV year and actually settling down into a job. Long hours and going from weekend to weekend. It's life I suppose!

opinion guy

Take up salsa dancing. Guaranteed something on 7 nights a week in a big city like Melbourne, a common interest to discuss to make that getting to know you stuff easier, no pressure to drink and lots of nice people

Pisco Sour

opinion guy wrote: »

Take up salsa dancing. Guaranteed something on 7 nights a week in a big city like Melbourne, a common interest to discuss to make that getting to know you stuff easier, no pressure to drink and lots of nice people

Any good places in particular to do such a thing?

Cooperspale

Beside St Kilda sea baths, they have salsa on weekend evenings.
Also there's www.melbournesalsa.com.au with a couple of areas to learn.

On a completely different slant, you could try lawn bowls. Pretty much every suburb has their own club. It's social, there also is alcohol in the clubhouse and if you become a member, you will be pretty much welcomed at any bowls club in Australia. Handy for the discount meals and beer when you're on your travels sometimes. Some clubs do have many older members but in and around Richmond, St Kilda, Fitzroy, it's actually cool for the 20 something's on the weekend.
A few years ago, Mick Molloy was in quite a funny film, Crackerjack, that featured a lot of bowls, think it was filmed at the Richmond club.
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=BxYL1qxoOqk

opinion guy

04072511 wrote: »

Any good places in particular to do such a thing?

No clue man never been in Oz

coldpaw

You should try couchsurfing. www.couchsurfing.com.

If you dont know, site works 2 ways- places to crash in a foreign city (which you dont need) and various meets for all sorts of things.

Im just back in Melbourne a month and have accommodation and friends from home here, but im using it to meet up with loads of different people. So far ive met up for drinks, got my bike fixed, done Yoga, going for a hike at the weekend. There is always foootball, movie etc nights on.

PM me if you want any more details.

There is also a site called meetup.com, aint used it yet though.

dave3004

Hey OP.

I feel your pain. All my friends are heading back home but the couples are all sponsored. If you read this in time and you are a man and like football ...... there's a game going in Albert Park at 6.30pm. Meeting at astro pitch.

Its the 1st night so not sure of numbers but come and enjoy and you'll make lots of friends.

Drop me a pm if interested.



Dave

dave3004

04072511 wrote: »

Any good places in particular to do such a thing?

Many of my close friends are Salsa Dancers. PM me if you want me to source the places to dance and which nights.

I know there's a place that does free classes on Fridays in CBD but they're packed.

PM if you need any help. Dave out !

Zambia

I read that to quickly and thought you said Pole Dancers...

Then I re-read it ...sad times

Doc

I'm going home for Christmas and New Years but when I get back in January Im going to organise another Boards Beers. I’ve been here about 3 years now and have no intention of going anytime soon.
Main thing I’ve found about meeting people here is being proactive you have to keep contacting the people you like be assertive and ask for peoples contact details and when you have them use them. Its often a slow process to make real friends but if you do try you will make friends.

opinion guy

Zambia wrote: »

I read that to quickly and thought you said Pole Dancers...

Then I re-read it ...sad times

Dude.....in salsa the man serves the function of the pole....

STIG83

Im in same boat as you OP.
Before i came here i was told i would meet loads!! :rolleyes: I think that is bull tbh.
I know a few alright, but they in diff parts and hard to keep in touch.
Nothing like having friends i have at home....

markymark21

Sounds tough dude, like the guys are staying just try and be pro-active and positive.

Only advice i can give is try and find a girlfriend.. although thats way easier said then done! I dunno where I'd be without mine in Oz to be honest

skipz

All my mates that i had where all on WHV and gone in no time, and the quest went on.
Iam here a year and have 2/3 good mates, and only one is Irish ands he's family. I gave up looking for mates that are Irish, seems near impossible with WHV and location.
Both my neighbors are Irish, tried to make small talk to a couple one side and they turned out to be fuking stuck right up their own arse big time and the other side are real quite people who i rarely see.
I have found that not being on a WHV and doing WHV stuff like travel and hostels really makes it hard to make new mates in Oz.
Work is the only place i seem to make friends or people i know.

STIG83

Not having a go at our own people, but have come across some absolute assholes, don't get me wrong have met some nice Irish here.
Something I noticed here, the English, Scottish and the Welsh are the nicest to meet, really chatty and don't act stupid, im just back from a four day trip to Kalbarri and Monkey Mia in W.A.
Met some lovely people and were all people from different parts of the world.

The Aussie

STIG83 wrote: »

Not having a go at our own people, but have come across some absolute assholes, don't get me wrong have met some nice Irish here.
Something I noticed here, the English, Scottish and the Welsh are the nicest to meet, really chatty and don't act stupid.

Dont worry to much about that, all the Aussies i used to know here in Cork are long gone, but when they were here they used to get on my tits with their One Upmanship Boasting, Obnoxious Gimmicks like facial hair and tattoos, but to be honest i also miss having a catch up with them at the same time for the Tri Nations, State of Origins and just general drinking.

The people i have gotten on best while abroad for 10 years are SAFFAS and Kiwis and one Indian family that has adopted me as the stupid son they never wanted, i dont know why but its for similar reason as yours, i.e Nice people who can hold a decent conversation with out dropping their pants to moon random people.

skipz

STIG83 wrote: »

Not having a go at our own people, but have come across some absolute assholes, don't get me wrong have met some nice Irish here.
Something I noticed here, the English, Scottish and the Welsh are the nicest to meet, really chatty and don't act stupid, im just back from a four day trip to Kalbarri and Monkey Mia in W.A.
Met some lovely people and were all people from different parts of the world.

Would agree with you on that one stig.

Zambia

The Aussie wrote: »

Dont worry to much about that, all the Aussies i used to know here in Cork are long gone, but when they were here they used to get on my tits with their One Upmanship Boasting, Obnoxious Gimmicks like facial hair and tattoos, but to be honest i also miss having a catch up with them at the same time for the Tri Nations, State of Origins and just general drinking.

Yeah I Dont get the constant tattoos its ironic when you see guys in centrelink with a few grand worth of tattoos on them.

jackbhoy

Zambia wrote: »

I Dont get the constant tattoos its ironic when you see guys in centrelink with a few grand worth of tattoos on them.

There will be a fortune to made in laser tattoo removal business in about 10 years when all these try hard hipsters realise their "ink" isn't cool anymore. That's my investment tip for the new year

STIG83

Sorry I think people have taken me up wrong, when I said I wasn't having a go at our own people, I was talking about the Irish in Oz.

Zambia

True but that said a full tattooed up Aussie at least spends the Money. In Ireland the amount of skangers that defaced themselves was just stupid.

myflipflops

jackbhoy wrote: »

There will be a fortune to made in laser tattoo removal business in about 10 years when all these try hard hipsters realise their "ink" isn't cool anymore. That's my investment tip for the new year

Can it be considered a hipster trait when everyone is doing it??

I'm beginning to feel a bit hipster for not having any! I had NO tattoos before it was cool......

The point about the laser removal is not a bad idea. I have two mates who are planning on getting laser removal on inadvised tattoos they got when 20/21.

The Aussie

Zambia wrote: »

Yeah I Dont get the constant tattoos its ironic when you see guys in centrelink with a few grand worth of tattoos on them.

Or when their family is living in what is essentially abject poverty and they go and get a few grands worth of tattoos.


But back on topic, you have to go and put yourself out there, people are not going to knock on your door to see if you want to be friends, would be good if they did but sadly not, one thing ive found is that friends that you make through drinking are not the best friends you could find they are grand when your in a pub but thats about it, the friends you meet through sports or other activities tend to last longer, just my observation.