Problems with ex at work

newbie11

Hi all,
I`ve just registered on boards but have often checked up on different topics looking for information. At the moment I have a problem and need some advice so I have finally registered. Sorry this will be a long post.

I used to go out with a girl at work a few years ago, we broke up and it was a difficult break up. However we were in different departments so would rarely see each apart from a few occasions each day. We were civil to begin with but gradually over a few months it got to stage where she stopped saying hello even. I wasnt too happy about this as we have mutual friends and it made things awkward but I respected her wishes.

For around 3 years the situation stayed this way until a reshuffle occurred a few months ago. She was moved to my area of work, specifically my line where about 15 people work. Its a small line where everyone gets on. I am one of the longest serving people on this line so a lot of the new people ask me for advice on how the machine work etc. I am always happy to help out anyone and sure enough when my ex arrived she asked a few questions and I was happy to help out. We both agreed that the past was over and we could be civil. We wouldn`t chat about private or personal stuff but would always have a gossip about work or the latest rumours flying around the place.

Things stayed like that for a while until last week when as she passed my station I called her over to ask a question. She didnt stop but kept walking and said "I dont want to talk to you anymore". Needless to say I was shocked, it really knocked the wind out of me. I know the girl very well from going out with her but it shocked me totally that a human being could behave like that to someone else especially after all the help I gave her. There is some people at work who know the girl a lot longer than I do and say its typical of her, she would have a reputation as a trouble maker at work, always getting warnings.

Obviously this creates a huge problem in such a small area and I dont think I should have to ask for a move to another dept. It really upsets me and causes hassle at work now with colleagues taking sides etc. I know most people would be able to say "f*** her, just ignore her too" but I find it hard to do that. Because we used to go out she knows a lot of my weak points and is happy to play on that. She is 7 years older than me too and would have a greater experience of relationship breaks up than I do.

I am in another relationship now so had never any intention of getting back with her but it still hurts a lot that she treats me this way. I just feel used and abused and then tossed aside.

Has anyone any advice on what I should do or should I just let things be as it is? It is very very hard to go to work every day with this going on, I used to love my job, now I dread going to work. Sorry again for the long first post by the way and thanks for taking the time to read it.

MitchKoobski

Go to HR.

My old manager used to say "Leave your personal life at the door".

If she wants to ask you for help, and then ignore your requests for help or work answers then shes not fit to be working there. You've left the past behind, and you agreed to keep it professional and out of work I assume. Now shes dragging it up again and making it interfere with your work.

Let HR or a manager/team leader know whats going on. DO NOT change your position/department/work or anything at all. You've done nothing wrong.

newbie11

Thanks for that advice. At the moment i'd rather not get HR involved but I will discuss it with the line leader. Maybe he can get this woman moved out of my area with little hassle. HR in my company can do more harm than good and I dont want to get involved in a trial like situation which is what will happen if this woman is pulled in for this

mikemac1

I'd steer clear of HR. Once you involve HR a procedure and investigation could be started and it can't be stopped

An informal word to your team leader would be better I think