college life not as great as expected :/

ak4

basically i am a quiet lad who did not venture out to discos/ nightclubs until i turned 18, so i am a first year at college ( DCU ), i am a virgin still and have got no action apart from the odd shift...my room mates and other students i live with seem to be at it all the time. i basically had this fairytale dream that when id move to college id become a different man but that hasn't happened. I have lied to my room mates and told them im not a virgin but they know rightly i think as long as i have the burden of still being a virgin at 19 past me i can become more confident, but i need to become more confident to get sex ?
im in a pickle...
anyone any comments or suggestions ?
thanks

greenprincess

you just have to try meet girls. But dont worry about being a virgin, I have plenty of friends who didnt lose their virginity until they were in their 20's its really not something to be worried about. Are there any clubs/societies you'd like to join? Getting out there and meeting new people will build up your confidence.

Firetrap

When I saw the subject line of this, I thought you were going to be saying you were struggling to make friends or finding the course hard. It sounds like you're equating going to college with getting laid. I don't know why the hell it's anyone else's business whether you're a virgin or not. Sex isn't a competition. Or at least it shouldn't be. There will always be people who will be going at it like rabbits but not everyone's like that.

Try not to let your being a virgin colour everything you do. Concentrate on making friends and see how it goes from there. If you're desperate to have sex, girls will pick up on that and run a mile. Desperation is an unattractive trait to both sexes. You sound like a quiet sort of person so if nightclubs aren't your scene, find yourself other ways of socialising. Get involved in clubs/societies in college. Not necessarily the boring ones that just hold lectures occasionally but ones that meet a lot and do things that involve interacting with others. Perhaps through a less pressured environment, you'll meet someone nice and take it from there.

johnr1

Plus 1 to Sunflower's post.

As a guy, I remember those very thoughts you're having, at around the same age. As far as I knew, quite a few of my LC class fellas had gotten laid. I hadn't, and was wondering what the story was:o
Anyway, I ended up going out with a gal I met in a pool hall, -after much effort by her, and a lot of dumbness from me. Obviously we slept together after a bit, and it was only when some of the guys I had presumed were getting laid started asking questions that I realised most of them were more inexperienced than I was.
Now dont get me wrong, I'm not denying that some of my buddies, and more than likely yours too were/are getting laid occasionally, but life, and college is not like those college movies you see with 'Stiffler' and his crew. That's idealised, and tailored for an audience of young guys.
Some people do have casual sex early, but most of us end up doing it for the first time in a relationship of some sort.
Just keep doing what you're doing, join the societies, and attend the events, just practice chatting with girls whether you're interested in them or not, maybe better if youre not actually, cos it'll be easier. What you learn from doing that will serve you far better later on than any crap one night stand will at this stage of your career

LegacyUser

Don't go down the road of losing your virginity to the first woman that comes along. I lost mine in a drunken one night stand and I wish I hadn't. I was nervous, didn't know what I was supposed to do and it was crap, basically. If I was to wind the clock back, I'd have preferred to have done it with someone I knew for more than an hour and a half.

Since then, I've had sex within relationships and a handful one night stands. I am single now but have vowed never to have another one night stand. They suit some people but I've decided they're more trouble than they're worth. Not everyone can turn off the part of their brain that's screaming "I'm naked in a bed, doing intimate things with someone I barely know"

My advice to you is to concentrate on your studies, get better at talking to girls as human beings and wait until you meet someone you've got some sort of connection with before you have sex.

Kevin Duffy

ak4 wrote: »

basically i am a quiet lad who did not venture out to discos/ nightclubs until i turned 18, so i am a first year at college ( DCU ), i am a virgin still and have got no action apart from the odd shift...my room mates and other students i live with seem to be at it all the time. i basically had this fairytale dream that when id move to college id become a different man but that hasn't happened. I have lied to my room mates and told them im not a virgin but they know rightly i think as long as i have the burden of still being a virgin at 19 past me i can become more confident, but i need to become more confident to get sex ?
im in a pickle...
anyone any comments or suggestions ?
thanks

Hah, lads and their wonderful stories If they're at it a fraction as much as they let on, I'd be surprised. Some will get some action, lots will invent it or let you think it's happening, while in reality most are thinking the same as you are. Don't sweat it dude, it'll happen.

Firetrap

Losing your virginity isn't going to be a magic bullet either. Even if you lost yours in the morning, it doesn't follow that you're suddenly going to have queues of ladies flocking to your door.

SirenX

stop looking for sex/a relationship and sex/relationship will find u

psychedellic

I agree with Johnr1, this isn't some American movie, real college experiences aren't like that at all. From my experience over the last 4 years in college- I lived with guys and had a fairly even ratio of girl/guy friends- while yeh, some of them were gettin the ride a lot, a lot of them were doin an awful lot more talking. Personally, I was 19 and was in a relationship before I lost it and I know a lot of people who were the same age and one or 2 who were even older. Not only that but a good few of the ones who lost it randomly said they wished they'd waited til they were with someone they were comfortable with..

Forget about the random ride- join some societies, get to know people, get chatting to girls and you'll just naturally get more confident. Once you stop worrying about gettin sex or thinking about it thats when you're more likely to get some. Believe me.

Bigdeadlydave

Loads of people just like you and tbh if anyone in college slags you about being a virgin, well, they don't sound mature enough for college. Being a virgin is not a big deal and having sex is not some sort of silver bullet which makes everything better, first time tends to be very underwhelming.

The vast majority of people won't care and lots of guys try to live up to the stereotype of being "one of the lads" and use that stereotype as a shield, especially in a group.

I was disappointed too at first when I went to college, I go to DCU as well as a matter of fact and I had built college up in my head like you have.

Try and stop worrying about it and join some socs, theres a clubs and socs day coming up soon btw. Just try and meet new people in a situation where you are comfortable and things will fall into place.