Danger Will Robinson!!

LegacyUser

Hey All,

So, in a nutshell...I moved into a new apartment 2 weeks ago and I have a major crush on my new flatmate!

His name is Sean and we just clicked straight away. I think he fancies me too for many reasons. He is always complimenting me. He told me the other night as I was going out that i looked beautiful. He ran me a bath last week when I said I was tired and even put candles around the tub! He flirts with me alot in a playful way and I just know he likes me from how he looks at me etc

BUT...

It's wrong for many reasons too. Firstly we live together which would be very awkward and intense and also....he has a girlfriend!!

So, my question is, how do I stop myself from liking him? I would never be with someone elses boyfriend so I'm trying really hard not to think about him in a sexual way. It's hard though.

I guess I could stay in my room more. We cook and eat together alot so maybe I should stop doing that?

Also, maybe his flirting is just fun and he doesn't like me. I don't really know!

He's 32 btw.

Any advice?

This sucks...I can never just meet a nice straightforward guy...there's always something!!
grrrrrr

ElleEm

Justacrush wrote: »

I think he fancies me too for many reasons.
He is always complimenting me.
He told me the other night as I was going out that i looked beautiful.
He ran me a bath last week when I said I was tired and even put candles around the tub!
He flirts with me alot in a playful way and I just know he likes me from how he looks at me etc

Say this is all true, and he fancies you... how would you feel if he was your boyfriend and he acted this way with his flatmate??

It's wrong for many reasons too.

Justacrush wrote: »

Firstly we live together which would be very awkward and intense

Justacrush wrote: »

and also....he has a girlfriend!!

The fact that he has a girlfriend should be the "firstly" bit in this post.
He is in a relationship, that should be the biggest turn off for you.

I am a friend

He is not exactly relationship material if he is willing to cheat on his existing girlfriend, is he?

Don't buy into it - I guess he is looking for a leg over on the side.

greenprincess

I would stear clear! It just sounds like a big mess waiting to happen

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

He is not exactly relationship material if he is willing to cheat on his existing girlfriend, is he?

Don't buy into it - I guess he is looking for a leg over on the side.

We don't know that he is willing to cheat on his gf. He hasn't done anything wrong. We get along really well and are both into food so we cook alot together but he hasn't tried it on or anything! Him putting candles round the bath may be just him being a really nice person.
The compliments may also be just that...compliments but with no intent or hidden agendas!

I am a friend

Justacrush wrote: »

We don't know that he is willing to cheat on his gf. He hasn't done anything wrong. We get along really well and are both into food so we cook alot together but he hasn't tried it on or anything! Him putting candles round the bath may be just him being a really nice person.
The compliments may also be just that...compliments but with no intent or hidden agendas!

You are backtracking - you said he flirts with you, looks as you in a manner that indicates he likes you, compliments you and runs baths for you

So your question is how you stop fancying him? You stop all the above as he isn't doing all that to get no reaction from you.

johnr1

sunflower27 wrote: »

Wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!!

Stop letting him run you baths for starters. gawd, if my flatmate did that I would freak :eek:

sunflower27 wrote: »

What next, he folds your knickers and puts them away?

and :D:D

C'mon OP, you don't seriously believe he's doing the candles thing cos he's just suuuuch a niiiiiice guy do you ??

Absolutely trying to get the leg over. Nothing more.

If he were single, I'd suggest teasing him for a bit, but because he's got a gf, he needs a harsh lesson. Get yourself on a night out with the gf present, and mention to her that he's allllways doing such nice things for you, and how he's sooo thoughtful, that she's sooo lucky to have him.....

Then watch the fun.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

What next, he folds your knickers and puts them away?

Come on... candles around the bath, you are not that naive!

Ha ha....ok ok....I get what you're saying and yes, I am younger then him but only by 4 years!

The thing is, he's German and we live in Germany. They do things differently here. Nakedness is no big deal to German people in general which is why I think the bath things may really have been him just being nice...and German!!

But yeah, he does compliment me alot. He tells me he loves my Irish accent, what great style in clothes I have etc etc.

We watched a movie in his room the other night and he put a blanket on us. It was cold though and he didn't touch me or anything but I guess it all adds up.

Sigh, I would honestly never be with someone elses bf and I really hope he wouldn't cheat on his. I hate believeing someone is good only to find out they're a d*ck!!

I asked a few male friends do they think he fancies me and they all laughed and said yes too so I guess I know now..

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

You are backtracking - you said he flirts with you, looks as you in a manner that indicates he likes you, compliments you and runs baths for you

So your question is how you stop fancying him? You stop all the above as he isn't doing all that to get no reaction from you.

Yeah but he's the one doing these things not me!!!

I can't stop him from complimenting me...how do you suggest I control what he does??

I don't compliment him or flirt with him...he did the candles thing and i ended up not having the bath afterall....I found it odd!!!

Miss Fluff

Justacrush wrote: »

He ran me a bath last week when I said I was tired and even put candles around the tub! He flirts with me alot in a playful way and I just know he likes me from how he looks at me etc

He'll be offering to wash your back next. I'm grappling for some diplomacy here but I'm struggling - I think the best word to describe him is a pervert or at best a sleazeball. If I moved in somewhere and after two weeks my flatmate was doing this I'd probably be now staying with a friend until I got a new place sorted.

The bottom line is that he's got a girlfriend and he just wants to get in to your panties love. It sounds to me like you're very easily flattered and more than just a little naive to boot. In fact I can't belive that you'd be taken in by it. Most people would find this type of behaviour intrusive, very very sleazy and really quite pathetic - he's so transparent it's laughable. As for him being a "really nice person" for running you a bath (and there is no vomiting emoticon that I can add here unfortunately), he's not that nice a person if he's a girlfriend and doing his damndest to get into his flatmate's knickers.

Firetrap

sunflower27 wrote: »

What next, he folds your knickers and puts them away?

:D:D I laughed at this

Seriously though, you need to realise what's going on here, as everyone has pointed out. There's being friendly and then there's crossing the boundaries of what constitutes being nice to your flatmate. I wonder what his girlfriend would think of all this?

I am a friend

Dud you ever happen to have this problem before with a previous flatmaye? Are you the girl who has just moved cos she had a thing with her German flatmate and it all went horribly wrong?

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

He'll be offering to wash your back next. I'm grappling for some diplomacy here but I'm struggling - I think the best word to describe him is a pervert or at best a sleazeball. If I moved in somewhere and after two weeks my flatmate was doing this I'd probably be now staying with a friend until I got a new place sorted.

The bottom line is that he's got a girlfriend and he just wants to get in to your panties love. It sounds to me like you're very easily flattered and more than just a little naive to boot. In fact I can't belive that you'd be taken in by it. Most people would find this type of behaviour intrusive, very very sleazy and really quite pathetic - he's so transparent it's laughable. As for him being a "really nice person" for running you a bath (and there is no vomiting emoticon that I can add here unfortunately), he's not that nice a person if he's a girlfriend and doing his damndest to get into his flatmate's knickers.

I thought the bath thing was weird too and I didn't end up even taking the bath.

I'm not easily flattered. I'm a good looking girl and I get complimented alot so it's not that.

Look, my question was how to stop fancying him not whether or not he is into me.

He's not sleazy either. He talks about his gf and tells me things about her so it's not like he doesn't talk about her or anything. Maybe he doesn't fancy me even...he might be just being nice by complimenting me.

I am a friend

Justacrush wrote: »

.

We watched a movie in his room the other night and he put a blanket on us. QUOTE]

How do you stop fancying him??? You stop doing stuff like this and treating him like he is a future bf.

Miss Fluff

Justacrush wrote: »

He's not sleazy either. He talks about his gf and tells me things about her so it's not like he doesn't talk about her or anything.

Talk is cheap. He can talk about her until the cows come home, it means nothing if he's trying to get you into the sack behind her back.

coolcat63

Sounds dodgy BUT it takes two to tango so it's your choice. Have you met the girlfriend?

P.S. I've folded knickers for my previous lodgers before without wanting to get into them!!

shellyboo

You can't just stop fancying someone you see every single day, someone who you're snuggling up to watching movies with. Come on, OP... it's quite clear you're loving the dynamic and I don't really blame you. It's very flattering and lovely to have someone fancy you (and this guy very obviously does), but he has a girlfriend. End of story.

You need to put distance between you, both physically and emotionally. Either fabricate a long-distance boyfriend who wouldn't be comfortable with the way you two are together, tell him to his face that YOU'RE not comfortable with how he's acting given he has a girlfriend, or move out.

WindSock

What would you like to see happen with Sean the German?

Can't see how they do things much differently there, if they flirt a heavily and lot with people they live with when they are in a relationship, it's still a bit off. No matter where.

But...you know yourself, the word is in the title.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Sexy Mitbewohner eh? Knowing Berlin, I would say either

1) he is a sleazebag wants to cheat on his gf

2) they are in a poly/open relationship

I would ask him directly. If 1) then tell him to respect his gf and have some integrity. If 2) then check with her anyway for your own conscience. Or not - it's up to you...

The whole 68er thing (Kommune 1, etc) sort of passed Ireland by, I feel - therefore you have a sort of black/white moralistic mentality manifesting itself in some comments.

People are less "traditional" in their relationship types here though, especially amongst a certain milieu (i.e. young people who don't vote CDU and live in big cities).

That's not to discount the possibility that he is a sleaze bag, natürlich.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Would you want a bf hopping into another girl's bed to watch a movie.

You know what you are doing is wrong - he is chasing and you are entertaining it.

Seriously, do the right thing. Set out some boundaries to him. You are not a couple and what he is doing with you is coupley things - you know it, we all know it.

Be flattered by all means, but don't encourage him.

He has a sofa in his room so we didn't hop into bed. Also whoever said we snuggled up is wrong too. We sat on his sofa with a blanket over us but we weren't touching at all. Even our legs weren't touching. It's winter and it's cold hence the blanket.

But yes...I think we are acting inappropriatley, both of us, so I will spend more time away from him.

Thanks for the replies!

mikemac1

Candles around the bath of his good looking flatmate is more then just being a nice person

And I thought you were a lot younger then late twenties

Sound a bit naive realy

silly

Sean the German! Give me strength!

You want to know how not to fancy him?

Think of his girlfriend...Poor girl hasnt a clue.
If this "flirting" continues and you feel it's getting too much, then tell him or move out.