boyfriend in a strop

LegacyUser

hi all, this is one of many fights me and my OH have been having.. we're together 4 years, engaged and have an 11 month old little boy. About 2 months ago my friend invited me to Dublin for a shopping trip and to stay overnight in her sisters house as it's her sisters 40th.. this is supposed to take place tomorrow, i had told my OH about it 2 months ago and he seemed fine with it & was staying home with our son.i don't get out very often so i was really looking forward to this... Then the other day he asked me what i'd like for my 30th birthday, i said i didn't know so he told me he would give me money to go shopping in Dub & buy something for myself..
about 1 hour later, he has started a huge fight, telling me i shouldn't be going, that i'm always out (i'm not!) and that i'm spending his money etc. etc.
first of all i work fulltime, and have my own money saved for this...
Also, now our baby has come down with a temperature so he's making me feel twice as bad... obviously i won't be going anywhere if my son is sick but can i have your opinions please!
he's like jekyl & hyde at the moment and i don't know how to deal with it!!

also, this isn't the first time he's done this.

Please Kill Me

Well obviously it's coming from somewhere, did you just not ask him straight out what the problem is? Also, if your baby has a temp, you really shouldn't even think of going anyway.

I am a friend

He is bring a controlling Pratt.

Why does it take 2 parents to mind one child with a temperature? He doesn't want you to go cos he is controlling.

Tigger99

+1 you dont need 2 people for a child that has a temp.

I've learnt my lesson on this one. Please don't pander to his sulks and tell him that you will speak to him only when he is calm. Put the guilt back where it belongs - at his feet.

If you don't go, you will just show him that his bad behavior will get him what he wants.

Btw do you really want to marry him before you have this sorted? Think about it for the sake of your future happiness.

deisemum

As this is one of many fights that ye have and if this is typical behaviour from him then he does come across as a controlling sort and this is typical passive aggressive behaviour which is a form of abuse.

As already said it doesn't take 2 to mind a child with a temperature, if ye think it does then would both of ye take time off work every time your child has a temperature?

LegacyUser

Is it likely he might be afraid of something happening when your out with the girls? Not knowing your relationship I can only say that with him loosing the plot like that and getting angry with you he is feeling perhaps a bit vulnerable??
I had a situation where I was with a person I couldn't totally trust, not their fault, I have trust issues. Anyway They would tell me about nights out planned and the like and I would be OK with it until the night in question and I'd end up causing a huge argument because I was feeling scared of what might happen.
I suppose what I'm saying is men have feelings too, take a step back look at it from his point of view. Not saying he's right or ever that it's an acceptable way to act but emotions can make us act in unexpected ways.
Sitting him down for two minutes when he's calm, telling him you love him and that you wouldn't risk ruining what you have built together might put his head at ease somewhat. Silly to have to do with an adult I'll agree but sometimes us man have to go kill a baby spider for you women, no offence iintended. Sometimes we all need a little TLC and someone to tell us it's all going to be ok.

johnr1

unregd wrote: »

Is it likely he might be afraid of something happening when your out with the girls? Not knowing your relationship I can only say that with him loosing the plot like that and getting angry with you he is feeling perhaps a bit vulnerable??
I had a situation where I was with a person I couldn't totally trust, not their fault, I have trust issues. Anyway They would tell me about nights out planned and the like and I would be OK with it until the night in question and I'd end up causing a huge argument because I was feeling scared of what might happen.
I suppose what I'm saying is men have feelings too, take a step back look at it from his point of view. Not saying he's right or ever that it's an acceptable way to act but emotions can make us act in unexpected ways.
Sitting him down for two minutes when he's calm, telling him you love him and that you wouldn't risk ruining what you have built together might put his head at ease somewhat. Silly to have to do with an adult I'll agree but sometimes us man have to go kill a baby spider for you women, no offence iintended. Sometimes we all need a little TLC and someone to tell us it's all going to be ok.

While I agree with some of this post, the OP mentioned that he accused her of "always being out" and of "wasting his money", neither being true. She was clear that this was a much needed break from mundane life, and the fact that she is going with her sister,- shopping, should have given him enough comfort that he could damm well have let her enjoy her break without this crap. She also said it wasn't his first time to pull this stunt.
If she is that unworthy of trust, does he put a camera on her all day when he's at work? does he follow her to the shops? does he monitor her every move? I mean, where does it stop?
This type of behaviour is fairly common in insecure, usually young guys, and they often grow out of it before they have a family or are in a live-in situation with someone. That doesent make it ok or acceptable though, and that goes double for this case, where the OP badly needs a day out, away from the pressures of a young child and family, including him.

I am aware of two guys who spent last weekend in bed with two married women they met in a pub in a well known weekend-away town, about a hundred miles from where these two womens husbands were, I assume, minding their young children. It slightly shocked me for a moment tbh, but it wouldn't make me trust a partner less, I'd have more faith in my ability to choose someone who wouldnt do that.
Bottom line, Some people cheat, some people are bas**rds, but it's up to us all not to end up with someone like that.

OP, I think the solution here is a little of what the poster I have quoted reccomends, but definitely dont change your plans over this as that will just teach him that throwing a strop like this gets results.