Pocket Money

terryduff12

Looking for some advice, recently moved in with girlfriend and her 9 year old we have a 3 month together. So she used to give him 5 euro a week for so called housework which wasnt a hole lot with everything thats happened recession new baby both of us recently unemployed and on family dole which has left us about 70 euro less. so he`s been on to herself about getting his pocket money again so he can be saving up to buy games for his xbox and ds have had discussions about it with her saying i have something against him from my point of view he`s a child never got anything when i was his age out on a farm nevermind sweeping a floor so don`t see why he should get it am i wrong? money is tight enough he also wants xbox live she doesnt mind because her nephew has it so why should`nt he, he plays 18 games and would want to play them online also nothing wrong with that she thinks i do tho because he`s 9 and well is simple enough when older kids tell him to do something and he`ll do it not giving it a second thought. Some advice please?

January

Well, on the games part, my advice is sit down NOW and talk about it with your partner and work out what games he's allowed to play, because if you don't want him to play them and she does it can become a source of irritation for both of you.

On the pocket money, maybe start making him do the jobs and give him 50c for each one he does. Making his bed, cleaning his room, putting on the dishwasher etc... teaches him that nothing comes for free and if he doesn't do it then he gets nothing. He can save it until he has enough for a new game.

qwertytlk

Tbh that was quite difficult roo read but from what i can gather the kid wants poet money, mum wants to give it, you dont?
Well id say yes, give it to him but not for nothing. If he gets it 'just because' imo he will not understand the value of money. Especially when it is tight with you both out of work.
As for the xbox live...well is this not a bit much if the kid already has two of the latest consoles? Why would he need another one? The other two, which no doubt cost a few hundred each, will just be tossed to the side then. Maybe sell the other two if he is getting the new one? No point him having 3! And defo should not be playing over 18's games. My oh plays them so i have seen how violent etc they are. Defo not appropriate for a 9 yr old. The kid should be playing age appropriate games and if getting the new console is going to cause him not to be or if it will be to difficult to police what he is playing with it then i would not get it...
Just because his cousin has these things its ok for your partners kid to have them?! Thats silly. She should not be parenting her child in accordance to what the cousin is/isn't allowed do. Thats my view anyway.

January

Xbox live is not another console, it's a subscription for the Xbox 360 so they can play online

cynder

2 different backgrounds 2 different parenting techniques. You have recently moved in and now are becoming the boss, your now saying 'you cant do this', 'you cant have that'. Its going to be a recipe for disaster. The young lad has had his way for what 8 or so years and you come along and disrupt it all. Tread carefully.

Im not looking at the right or wrong with the situation (young fella playing 18 games, that's of no concernof mine, its his moms choice what games she allowed him to play, just as it was her choice what films she let him watch), now you come along and want to change it all.

Just because you grew up with nothing does not mean this child should. Ds is also an old model its the dsi or the new 3ds and to be honest a lot of kids have both.

The child is question is being just that a child, children want everything, you have to find a happy medium talk with mommy and sort it out. But dont alienate the boy, if he thinks your the bad guy he might start acting up.

*This is coming from a child who grew up with an elder brother who was not her dads son. I saw how my dad was with my brother compared to how his was with us.

nesf

Pay him for work, start teaching him the value of money etc. But be extremely wary of dictating what should happen because he's not your son and it could lead to some very nasty fights with the mother and the child resenting you.

When it comes down to it, it's the mother's call here not your's as to how the boy should be raised. You can give your opinion but you shouldn't push the point at this stage if you've just moved in.

BostonB

+1 on nesf.

Good lesson to learn about about work=money. But its probably not up to you to teach it.

nesf

BostonB wrote: »

Good lesson to learn about about work=money. But its probably not up to you to teach it.

Yeah but you can offer it as extra pocket money which should make it less of an issue with the girlfriend. If he unilaterally tried to change his present €5 a week into worked for money then yes there'd be an issue.

BostonB

I'd assume extra money when cash is tight wouldn't be ideal. I likewise assume the OP was hoping to get the kid to actually earn the money like hes meant to, doing useful things rather than paying lip service to it. Which is just a bad example and teaches them nothing.

terryduff12 wrote: »

..she used to give him 5 euro a week for so called housework...

I might be better to change it from a lump some to smaller amounts per job. Easier to relate work to money then.

terryduff12

A lot of good points made, have been going out for about 4 years so i had been spending 4 out of 7 nights before i moved i moved in so i was no stranger to him. as for being the boss far from it, and just because i grew up with nothing i still grew up. herself wants to get these things for him and i dont be saying can`t i just say he`s 9 wait till he`s older as for xbox live i play on it myself so when im not being called a black n work by some yank to getting a message telling me im an irsih so and so i can`t see it be an ideal place for a kid. Quick question also if the child is off sick from school is it good idea to let them lounge around watching telly playing video all day, my view is if your to sick for school then ya should be in bed resting?

qwertytlk

January wrote: »

Xbox live is not another console, it's a subscription for the Xbox 360 so they can play online

thanks January:)

sorry i genuinely didn't realise that. My fiancee plays the playstation so i dont know much about xbox. I thought it was a new version of xbox, like playstation 2 and 3. Anyway
I still stand by what i said in regard to the over 18s games and if the subscription to xbox will make it too difficult to keep note of what type of games he is playing (age appropriate etc) then personally i wouldn't get it...

nesf

terryduff12 wrote: »

Quick question also if the child is off sick from school is it good idea to let them lounge around watching telly playing video all day, my view is if your to sick for school then ya should be in bed resting?

Not that simple. Bed rest is only really needed with some illnesses not all of them. Generally if they need bed rest they won't want to or be able to get out of bed. If they're capable of sitting on the couch under a duvet or whatever and watch TV then they should be left do that for the day.

Rest is rest, the TV or video games are just a way of killing the time while resting and should be allowed in my opinion.

cynder

terryduff12 wrote: »

A lot of good points made, have been going out for about 4 years so i had been spending 4 out of 7 nights before i moved i moved in so i was no stranger to him. as for being the boss far from it, and just because i grew up with nothing i still grew up. herself wants to get these things for him and i dont be saying can`t i just say he`s 9 wait till he`s older as for xbox live i play on it myself so when im not being called a black n work by some yank to getting a message telling me im an irsih so and so i can`t see it be an ideal place for a kid. Quick question also if the child is off sick from school is it good idea to let them lounge around watching telly playing video all day, my view is if your to sick for school then ya should be in bed resting?

Seems to me like you havent had much experience with kids or sick kids. Ive spent enough time in hospital with my eldest to know kids get bored even when they are sick, the hospitals have entertainment rooms and games, tvs at every child's bed along with ps3's and other consoles. Yet you want to deny a sick kid at home the same?

The best place to be when your sick it to be resting either in bed wathcing tv or playing the xbox or on the sofa with a duvet watching tv or playing the xbox, being pamperd by mommy or gaurdian (bringing in the vomit bowl or wetting the head with a damp face cloth, making soup, giving the medicine and so on).

The best thing not to be doing is chores or going to school, if a child is that sick they cant get out of bed then they should be in hospital.

BostonB

Reading between the lines I wonder is the issue suspicion that the kid is pulling a sticky because he knows he'll get to play games all day.

Moonbeam

I was going to ask the same.

Is he actually sick or do you think that he is pulling sickies to stay at home?

Moonbeam

terryduff12 wrote: »

so when im not being called a black n work by some yank to getting a message telling me im an irsih so and so i can`t see it be an ideal place for a kid. Quick question also if the child is off sick from school is it good idea to let them lounge around watching telly playing video all day, my view is if your to sick for school then ya should be in bed resting?

I don't understand this bit?

cynder

Moonbeam wrote: »

I don't understand this bit?

I recon his on about the language used on Xbox live, he doesnt want the kid subjected to verbal abuse over the Xbox live.

terryduff12

most of the time he will vomit and go to bed not a peep out of him other times he`s ready to go to school and then he`s not feeling well so herself tells him to go back to bed, ten minutes later he`s down saying he`s bored and wants to watch telly half an hour later he wants to play his xbox. girlfriends nephew is class he`ll come ours before his mother comes he deserves an oscar for some of his performances that he puts on for a day off school the next day and many he`s had he`s 13 he`ll litterly start crying if he`s over visiting and the mother says she is going somewhere else he doesnt want to go and she has to stop everthing to drop him at home first just don`t want it to get to that stage. and to moonbean ya the language is bad and ya can`t stand listening over his shoulder all day.

Morag

If a kid is pretending to be sick to not go to school I would be finding out if he's being bullied or if there is another issue in school.