I need help

LegacyUser

Hey everybody, I would like to hear people's views on my particular situation because it has come to a head today.

I'm not entirely certain how to lay everything out so please bear with me and apologies if this is a rather long post.

I am 23yr old guy and I currently live with my family, I am from a muslim background however I do not practice and my family do not force it down my throat, my family is quite liberal. I work go to the gym and have friends, For all intents and purposes, I would come across as a relatively normal guy (whatever that means).

Going back to when I was in school and college so between 1999 - 2006, I had very few friends and I was a social outcast, I never seemed to fit in with any of the groups and used to hang around with the atypical "lads crowd" I would conform to there views and act the way the acted i.e. if they were nasty to someone about liking a certain type of music I would do the same despite secretly liking that music myself.

I found it impossible to get a girlfriend and in that entire time the only 2 girls I ever liked and thought there was a chance of something developing rather quickly dismissed me. I was continuously humiliated constantly during school and looking back I dont know how I'm not more screwed up. I had friends outside of school which is probably why I'm not actually. I still however felt alone.

It was during this time that I created an imaginary friend called "Angel" after the character from Buffy (Yes I know sad), I created him to help me escape from reality. As I grew up the imagination grew with me my mind adapted "Angel" to suit every scenario I was in. He was a demonic traveller across different realities attempting to return to his own reality, I had invented other realities that he had been to already each had different backgrounds in some I was rich in some I wasnt, In some I was married in others I was gay. In others I had comic book esque abilities.

I also created an alter-ego "Cole" which manifested around 2003, "Angel" was the protector and "Cole" was originally who I wanted to be however over time he became a polar opposite of what I am. He was originally created to get attention from women for gratification, however over time "Cole" realised that it was easier and equally gratifying to get the attention from men. I talk about "Cole" in the third person because I genuinely feel like he is someone else. "Cole" is bisexual and will basically screw anything that moves. I'm straight.

In 2006 I went off to uni and fell into things quite well I had friends and an active social life became more confident in myself and became my own person, however I still felt alone and "Angel" and "Cole" still existed. "Cole" had already created online profiles and was frequenting different chat sites. Mid-way through uni my mother who had looking back manipulated me my entire life had an affair with another man and attempted to have my father arrested for rape and had me under suspicion for conspiracy to murder subsequently my parents got divorced and I've rarely spoken or seen my mother since.

During uni I never got into a relationship with a girl and never even had a one night stand with a girl. I managed to get a girl to come home with me and we kissed and fondled and slept in the same bed but that was it. After this night "Cole" didnt appear for about 3 weeks, this was the longest it had been.

Up until recently I was a virgin, I'm not an unattractive guy I just had no confidence going up to girls, I since started looking at the works of "pick-up artists" after reading the book by Neil Strauss and have developed with respect to approaching girls, I am yet to actually pull however I'm much better than I was.

Whilst at uni I was never really myself around my friends, I was always held back and I know this affected my relationships with my friends, I am much more socially at ease now however all of my friends are in different cities and I rarely if ever see them.

Since finishing Uni which was summer 2010 I moved back home, this was when I came across the works of pick-up artists and started to develop socially. However "Cole" and "Angel" still exist. "Angel" is not as present as he was, however "Cole" is there more frequently. Back in April of this year I was in a hotel through work and "Cole" met a guy off the internet and had sex, The disturbing thing is that after it happened "Cole" didnt resurface for about a month. This happened again today although I snapped back much quicker than the time it happened in the hotel.

The only girl I've had sex with is a prostitute, who I hired because I wanted to develop my sexual confidence with women, which didnt happen.

I am hetrosexual albeit incredibly sexually frustrated. If I was gay or bi then I know I would have the confidence to admit it I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It seems like no matter what I do and who I am with I feel isolated at all times.

I have sought medical help with respect to "Angel" and "Cole" in 2010 because I originally thought it was schizophrenia or psychosis both of which were dismissed by counsellors.

I want to know what the hell is wrong with me. I am 23 and I shouldnt have an imaginary friend that still exists nor should I have an alter-ego that takes full control of me.

Thank you for reading this incredibly long post which might as well be my life story, however I feel as though context is needed.

Any opinions thoughts are welcome. I will be going to a GP about this again because there is obviously something that isnt right.

Thank you

Taltos

OP - we cannot give medical advice here.
All we can do is point you towards your GP, and if they cannot help get a second opinion.

Taltos