In love but worried

LegacyUser

Hi ladies

Ok so i have a great boyfriend who i love alot and he loves me too. But sometimes I worry that I'm a bit, I dunno, obsessed with him and it might scare him away.

At the moment i'm taking a year out of college and I have no job (been trying REALLY hard to get one but no luck, but hopefully i'm gonna be starting an internship in the new year) so i don't really have alot going on in my life right now. Especially during the week. All my friends are in college all day and my boyfriend works 9-5 and then has a college course two nights a week. So the only time I really get to do something fun and the only thing I really have to look forward to short term is hanging out with my bf on the evenings he's not in college. The days I know I'll be seeing him are a bit better cos I have something to look forward to, and stuff to do, like tidy my room, make dinner for us maybe, stuff like that. And I know he loves me and loves hanging out with me too, but he just doesn't have as much free time, and he has a lot more going on in his life. And then today, which is a day I get to see him, he told me he has to work on an assignment for a couple of hours but he'd see if he could call up after. Then at like 9.30 he texted saying he'd just finished up now and that he's wrecked so he won't be up. Which I know is completely fair enough, but still I got really upset. I didn't give out to him or anything because he didn't do anything remotely mean or bad or wrong, but I had a little cry to myself (I know, I'm such a sap haha)

Then a while later he rang me just for a chat or whatever and he sensed I was off and asked kinda jokingly was I grumpy and I just told him no I'm not I'm just bored and stuff. We'd kinda been talking a few days ago how soul-destroyingly boring it can be to not have a job or college to be doing and he's been in the same boat and understands. So he said sorry for not being able to come up again and I reassured him its fine I'm not at all pissed off with him for it, and I apologised for being clingy, and he said not to worry about it.

The thing is I hate clingyness! I've really lost interest in boys before for getting too clingy. And I'm worried I'm gonna make him lose interest in me. And as well as that I've never been the clingy type before. And I don't think its because I love him more than I've ever liked anyone. Because I was in college and stuff when we were still together and I wasnt as obsessed with him because I had other stuff to do and to occupy my mind.

I try to tone it down and I try not to let on how obsessed I am. Even though, as I said, the days I know I'm gonna see him are better, I don't tell him that really. Even though I kinda plan the whole day around seeing him later, not even in a sappy way, just cos it gives me stuff to do and a bit of a plan and all. Like if I knew he'd be coming up at 6 I'd plan my day towards that, and include things to do with him to it, like go out for a walk to the shop and get stuff to make a nice dinner etc. And then, every now and then, like today for example he'd tell me in the evening that he has college stuff to do or something and he can't come up and it makes me sad.

I dont wanna scare him away! I just have nothing better to do than think about him and hang out with him, haha.....

sorry, long and weird post. Any opinions or whatever would be muchly appreciated though x

Wibbs

You'll get better answers here OP.

Miss Fluff

You seem to be basing your entire life around his visits, that's so terribly unhealthy and will put enormous pressure on the relationship too. I can understand you were disappointed that he didn't visit the other night, that's only natural, but the fact that you revolve your entire day around just that is not good at all.

Why have you taken the year out of college? And what exactly do you spend your days at bar getting ready for him to visit? I know it's hard to find work etc but there are still plenty of things that could keep you really busy and occupied. The likes of St. Vincent de Paul are always looking for volunteers at this time of year to help with their Christmas hampers. Getting involved with Meals on Wheels is another option. Or how about using the next few months to learn a language, 8-weeks courses on the likes of GroupOn and CityDeal are being sold for a fraction of the price.

For most people, they'd like that their partner is independent and busy with lots to keep them occupied. You will make yourself even more attractive to your partner by having a full and busy life, you'll have so much more to talk about too.

Pebbles68

I really don't have anything to add to what the others have said, only to reitterate it. He hasn't given you a reason to worry, has he? You have too much time on your hands and too much time to think.

Make yourself busy, fill your time. Just because you have taken a year off college it doesn't mean you have to stop learning. I'm sure there's reading or research you can do that will help when you start an internship or when you go back to college next year.

And take some advice from someone who's probably twice your age, it's up to you to make you happy. It's nice to have a man to share your happiness with but you're asking for a whole lot of pain if you rely on finding the right man to make you happy.