Feel broken by unemployment - support groups out there?

LegacyUser

I think I really need to talk to people in the same situation as me. Are there unemployment/job bereavement support groups out there?

Let me explain.

I chose a potentially life-fulfulling but intensely difficult career path following my degree. For nearly seven years, I've gone from over-working as an intern and poorly paid contract worker to good contract positions including overseas work which shows good career progression. I work in the charity sector. I came home from a good job with buckets of experience and for over nine months, I've managed to get two interviews.

For seven of those months, I would say I've done really well to stay positive and do the right things: in lieu of work I volunteer, I get involved in various projects to keep me occupied, I took a job-seeking skills course, etc. I would say I was frustrated but content. I could feel the joy and excitement of life, the comfort of friends.

Now I feel nothing but a deep sense of loss, impotence, sadness, anger. I feel I no longer have control over my life. I no longer feel any sense of joy in things I used to, not even when I was lucky enough to get a job interview. Before, I would be ecstatically confident, buoyed by the honour and feeling someone has confidence in me. Volunteering where I am, I have contributed work and introduced the charity to very valuable services for free that would otherwise cost a fortune. But all these successes only remind me that I am broke and that nobody today trusts me enough to pay me for that.

I am truly in despair. Worst of all, this sense of a loss of self-worth, dignity, is deeply affecting my relationship, which is the one solid thing I have. I feel as if I'm physically being pulled deeper into this abyss and I'm loosing sight of what it takes to keep me out of it.

I feel I have nobody in my life who can truly empathise with these feelings which are taking me over. I don't feel too much that I need to interrogate my whole life - I've done a lot of that before. I feel I need real support from people who understand what all this means. This isn't something I have managed to get from my partner, family or friends who more or less advise I 'keep trying', 'pull myself together', 'it's not your fault, it's the bloody world's the problem', 'I know how you feel' ... I feel either people are themselves unwilling to talk about their situation, or I'm just really pushing them away. Most say 'you're not the only one, stop feeling sorry for yourself' - yes, I know, this is a situation in many people's lives, but this is MY LIFE. I haven't lost the wider perspective but saying this doesn't help ME get on my feet. It's so frustrating.

I wonder if there are unemployment support groups out there.

I don't know if this makes sense to any of you. I try so hard every day not to feel like this, and I just feel I need to get my feelings out in a constructive way with others who understand. Can anyone offer advice?

username123

lost dignity wrote: »

I wonder if there are unemployment support groups out there.

Ive not heard of one, but heres an idea - why dont you start one? All youd need to do would be stick up a few posters in your local social welfare office and post office and get a room somewhere organised. Im quite sure youre not the only one feeling like this. If you spoke to your local CWO or FAS person you might even get a room for free, alternatively contact the local AA or Alanon groups and find out how they pay for rooms (usually theres a collection at the end of a couple of euro a head - presume that pays for it).

On the more practical side of getting out of this hole, what about going abroad - is that an option for you? It doesnt have to be forever, for a few years til this country turns around a bit.

Of course its very demoralising to have worked yourself silly to get somewhere only to end up in this stasis - but its not you, it IS the situation in the country.

Maybe you could speak to your GP as well as you could be suffering depression from this situation.

Eve_Dublin

I was going to post a similar response to the poster above. I think it's a fantastic idea to get started on one of these groups yourself and it would be so easy to organise. I know it's a totally different kind of group but I moved country a few years ago and wanted to meet people so I started my own book club here in Madrid. It's ridiculously easy to get like-minded people together and judging from the amount of posters who feel very similar to yourself, you'd have no problems.

I used Meetup.com when I lived in Dublin to join a group to practice my Spanish and as far as I know, you can arrange a group if you have an idea and they approve it. Have a little look at the website to see.

As username said, stick posters up in unemployment centres and maybe even try to use Boards as a way of getting a group together (perhaps approach one of the mods for this and ask them how to go about it).

This might even give your life a purpose right now. People are really suffering all around the country because of this...you could even be saving lives if you organised this group. I can't think of anything more meaningful than that.

I don't want to repeat what your family and friends have told you but just to say, I admire people with drive like you and with the desire to help others. You should feel very proud for all you have done, what you're doing now and what you WILL do in the future once things improve (and they will).

Give this group a shot anyway. All you need is a place to meet (a quiet bar, for example) and to get the word out.

Good luck with everything OP.

LegacyUser

I'm unemployed too. Have been for couple of years. Like you I've kept busy and had goals that I'm trying to achieve. In the last 6 months an opportunity came about in the line of work that I've been aiming to get into (for years), that rarely comes about and when it does thousands apply. I've gotten through to the final rounds. If I don't get it I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest... Part of me in so nervous because of my unemployment and how it might appear to the employer. I really, really, really hope they understand the situation at the moment regards gaining employment out there. It's as good an opportunity as I'm ever going to get. I tell you this in the hope it might inspire you to keep going... Even the unemployed get through to the final rounds of top jobs if I'm anything to go by...

Just remember:
*Historians will see this era as a depression, not a recession (as politicans call it).
*Getting down about it will damage you. It's a vicious cycle in the long run. Stay strong.
*Be happy with the smaller things. Aim high by all means but be content with what you have and make the most of it all.
*Keep up a good routine I find helps. Get up at 8/9 and try be productive. I know it can be hard to do...

Good luck!

LegacyUser

OP, this a brief post as I'm short on time.

I've been where you are. There seems to come a point where you almost just give up and slide in the hole of feeling trapped and broken that you try so hard to avoid for the first few months of unemployment. Rejection letter after rejection letter after rejection letter just beats you down, as does hunting job sites all day every day and finding ads for jobs that you'd want to be a feckin genius and have lived 100 years to qualify for, with what they're looking for in experience and qualifications. (sorry, long sentence!)

The harder you try to get out, the worse it is. I felt like I was trapped inside a very highly fenced box, screaming with nobody listening. I felt like I was looking through that fence everyday, watching "everyone else" (as it appeared to me) going to work, getting on with life, earning money and being useful, while I stood on the sidelines, unable to get through the fence.

First - take it easy on yourself. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. People DO trust you. There's just so many out there unemployed right now. All scrambling and pushing and climbing on each other to get something. Employers have their pick of whoever they want, and that is very hard to contend with as a job hunter. This is the hardest thing to do - to try and be easy on yourself.

Second - make sure your CV and your cover letter (whether it's required or not) are as good and as brazen as you can make them. Big yourself up. Everyone else is doing it. Don't be unrealistic, but put yourself out there, sound stupid and tell them you're great.

Third - go easy on your other half. They're as helpless as you. Nearly moreso, because they want to solve the trouble for you, and can't. It's too easy to get sucked into the spiral of feeling sorry for yourself.

Fourth - get out in the air EVERY DAY. I cannot emphasise that enough. Switch off your computer, get out. Meet a friend for coffee even just once a week (assuming you can afford the 2eur it costs). Walk to the shop on Thursdays and Fridays to pick up your paper with the job ads in it (Times and the Indo do jobs on those days). Just get out and be as active as you can because believe me, it will save your sanity. Fresh air and exercise are nature's anti-depressants, especially in Winter.

People don't really know how to react to unemployment, especially if you're at a certain - shall we say - level, in society (ie well educated, tonnes of previous experience, literally a victim of this chaos). They kind of get embarassed. Change the subject. Tell you there's loads of people out there the same. Sure isn't it tough on everyone - and move on. Or else they go silent. They're better at it now, but they still don't really know what to say. I just stopped saying it, to be honest. It's bad enough dealing with it yourself, without trying to make yourself out as NOT a victim to someone else, that you know is feeling sorry for you. Your family and partner are just trying to keep your spirits up, because they can't help in any other way. It's ****, let's face it.

I think the support group idea is a fantastic one. Try it in your local area. You have no idea of what kind of people come out of the woodwork, who really empathise with you. I found a few along the way, and it always surprised me. Politicians and news reels quote statistics, live register numbers, ESRI forecasts, Eurozone predictions, growth predictions; commentators talk about high dole payments and scroungers. Nobody really mentions or thinks about those on the dole who would give anything to work, and more importantly, how they are coping with the whole situation. It's an enormous shock to the system, and there is nothing in place. If you could even put a notice in your local shop about a meeting for unemployed people for one hour in your local library/hall/house, whatever, see what kind of response you get. It will give you an indicator, and I'd imagine it will surprise you.

I will say that failing that, many counsellors are waiving and reducing fees now (they don't advertise it) to try and help those who are unemployed. Just even to provide a sympathetic ear, and teach a few coping mechanisms...to help re-adjust your vision. I ended up with one, just for 4 sessions and I have to say it did me the world of good. It was an outside perspective on the situation and teaches you things you never thought about. But try the group thing first.

(Whatdoya know, bit longer than I intended...oops!!)

Irishabroad123

hi just saw this thread and would be interested in getting something going
who is interested?
i am recently in this boat, and want to stop any leaks springing so a group like this would be great

LegacyUser

OP I know how you feel. I have coped for months and kept my spirits up but once Christmas hit I am finding it extremely hard. Unfortunately I've been here before so it looks bad on my cv and in my line of work there are a lot of short term contracts which again looks bad for me.

All I can say is think how luck you are to have friends, family and a partner around. A lot of my friends moved away and have lost touch over the years. I have my family (but not near by). But I have no partner and find it hard to meet guys - I am very shy and quite at first and no guy seems to want to get to know the real me. One area of your life is not going well. Only one.

(I don't mean to be patronising but it is extremely had to be unemployed and eternally single).

pastorbarrett

Yep, another who's somewhat cast adrift. I think establishing a group could be a fantastic idea.

Personally, it's not the loss of a sense of purpose that's affecting me (was lacking in my job anyways), but it's more so the social isolation that unemployment imparts. If you couple that with a sense of foreboding regarding your future prospects or lack thereof, things can look a bit scary. I do well not to entertain these thoughts most of time though.

Far from wanting to pontificate or go on about silver linings, but having no job has led me to appreciate my lot minus the artifice that a career lent to my life. It's cliche and contrary and the rest of it, but I've realized it's possible to have some sense of contentment irrespective of my outward circumstances.

Probably not very helpful or insightful OP, but perhaps there's comfort in knowing you're not alone. Stay strong

LegacyUser

Tonight I just feel like I would do anything for this kind of support group.
I don't think I have the confidence to set one up myself. I feel due to experience of things not working out, anything I try to initiate would just somehow not work out.

I feel it is beyond words to even try to convey to people who lead 'normal' lives, ie have jobs and/or partners, family and circle of friends, or even long term housing, what it is like to try to even wake up each day trying to live with this and somehow garner the courage to have hope and keep going.

Usually through fear of losing whatever the sparse contact with other people there is, I feel there is no alternative other to put on the brave, positive face and reassure them that
"sure it will all work out in the end, just got to stay positive, nothing is impossible etc."

However it not ok.
It really isn't and nearly every day I feel I can barely breathe anymore let alone carry on.

Unfortunately there are some areas of the voluntary sector, OP, that you need to be very cautious of in terms of your willingness to get work.
Like all sectors of society the charity sector has plenty of bad eggs too; when you are desperate for work, you can become like prey for these.

This is another area that would be really useful for unemployed people to get together and share their experiences of, rather than us all living in isolation and having an experience that becomes the last straw-it would be so great to meet other people who are doing their best and can share their experiences.

Merkin

Wow, what an amazing idea to start a support group.You sound like you have lots of skills and could really empathise with people as well.Go for it OP!

kjl

To be honest, companies are taking the piss a bit in terms of employing people.

I went for a job about 2 years ago. 1300 people applied. There were 8 rounds to the interview with the final round being an intensive multi-interview day where the final 4 candidates including myself were interview by 6 different people.

I was flawless, it was a competency based interview and they tasks they were asking me to do were very simple to me. for each of the final interviews they asked me question after question and each one I answered correctly without any issue.

I was contacted the following week and told that none of the final 4 candidate were offered a job with the company. When I asked them why they didn't chose me, they said I was too prepared for the interview. If that isn't the stupidest thing you ever heard I don't know what is.

When I didn't get this job I felt just like you, really down about myself, thought I was never going to find work again, but things picked up, about a month later I interviewed for another job, a dream job, which I got. The new job paid about 10k more and I was absolutely perfect for me. If I had gotten the other job I would be stuck in an office all day.

I guess what I am saying is there is hope, if you are really a good worker the right company will see it and you will get hired. When I interviewed for my current job I knew I had it from the moment I reached the final interview. When it's right it's right.

Stay strong.

LegacyUser

I forgot to say I'm not sure if a support group would help me but I'm sure it would depend on how it is ran.

I find being around other unemployed people brings me down (as does anyone very stresses/depresses the last while). It is all people talk about and it's very negative. I prefer to be around positive people at the moment. Although a lot of people with jobs have no idea what you are going through at least they tend to be more upbeat with I find great.

OP what would you like a support group to offer?

stop animal cruelty

In case anyone didn't notice the OP was written in 2011...

I'm in the same boat. Did 9months WPP in 2011 & didn't get a job out of it. Have only managed to get 2 interviews in May 2012, still no job.

I'm losing more confidence & self esteem isn't too high atm. I'm willing to hang on for another few months but things are just so tough. I'm not entitled to any social welfare as l live at home, all of my friends are in college (l never went). Having no money, no friends around, can't talk to my family about things & having social anixety on top of it all makes so f*king s#ite.


This bloody recession

mood

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

In case anyone didn't notice the OP was written in 2011...

I'm in the same boat. Did 9months WPP in 2011 & didn't get a job out of it. Have only managed to get 2 interviews in May 2012, still no job.

I'm losing more confidence & self esteem isn't too high atm. I'm willing to hang on for another few months but things are just so tough. I'm not entitled to any social welfare as l live at home, all of my friends are in college (l never went). Having no money, no friends around, can't talk to my family about things & having social anixety on top of it all makes so f*king s#ite.


This bloody recession

It is terrible that you can be good enough to work for a company for 9 months but God forbid you want to actually hired by them and paid!

Why don't you go to college. You seem very young.

stop animal cruelty

^^^

I worked there 5 days a week, 9 to 5. worked my ass off. I was offered a job but it was only 2 days a week, doing all the crap jobs(& don't regret not taking it). I know some people thought, & on here might think I was stupid for not taking it but for after a while I became unhappy there & I wasn't getting on well with 1 woman who I had to work most of the day with. I was pissed off that thats all they could offer me, it wasn't as if most of the time I was sitting on my ass all day, I kept myself busy & I was a great help to them. Towards the end I wasn't treated fairly.

The boss there wasn't the kind of person I wanted to stay working for, very 2 faced, didn't know where I stood with her, judgemental, sneaky & only interested in making a name & loads of money for herself, & considering the profession she is in, its highly unprofessional & imo, should not be what she is. I came home too many days upset & stressed. Anyway I got my reference, so thats that. (sorry for the big spiel I just wanted to explain why I didn't take the job)

Yes, I'm 21, didn't go to college because I don't know what I want to do & was never great in school. I'v always had veterinary nursing in my head but I dunno if I'm able for it, & with that my parents are not going to support me.

mood

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

^^^

I worked there 5 days a week, 9 to 5. worked my ass off. I was offered a job but it was only 2 days a week, doing all the crap jobs(& don't regret not taking it). I know some people thought, & on here might think I was stupid for not taking it but for after a while I became unhappy there & I wasn't getting on well with 1 woman who I had to work most of the day with. I was pissed off that thats all they could offer me, it wasn't as if most of the time I was sitting on my ass all day, I kept myself busy & I was a great help to them. Towards the end I wasn't treated fairly.

The boss there wasn't the kind of person I wanted to stay working for, very 2 faced, didn't know where I stood with her, judgemental, sneaky & only interested in making a name & loads of money for herself, & considering the profession she is in, its highly unprofessional & imo, should not be what she is. I came home too many days upset & stressed. Anyway I got my reference, so thats that. (sorry for the big spiel I just wanted to explain why I didn't take the job)

Yes, I'm 21, didn't go to college because I don't know what I want to do & was never great in school. I'v always had veterinary nursing in my head but I dunno if I'm able for it, & with that my parents are not going to support me.

Did you take to FAS or some other body with regard to returning to education? I could be possible that they would fund it. Have you talked to your parents about it? Surely at this stage they would prefer to see you study than be unemployed.

And remember when you take a job it's not a job for life. It's a step towards another job.

stop animal cruelty

Ya I did a course in FÁS. Sorry but what do you mean they would fund it? fund what?

My parents just want me to wait around until a job comes up. And my mom thinks I won't make it through college (not smart enough :rolleyes: she means)

I know a jobs not for life but I had to get out of there.

mood

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Ya I did a course in FÁS. Sorry but what do you mean they would fund it? fund what?

My parents just want me to wait around until a job comes up. And my mom thinks I won't make it through college (not smart enough :rolleyes: she means)

I know a jobs not for life but I had to get out of there.

It could be possible to get funded to go to college. I'm not saying it will definitely happen but it's worth looking into. At this point you need to look at every opportunity. It all could depend on how long you are unemployed.

stop animal cruelty

mood wrote: »

It could be possible to get funded to go to college. I'm not saying it will definitely happen but it's worth looking into. At this point you need to look at every opportunity. It all could depend on how long you are unemployed.

Where or who can I ask about funding? Il definitely look into that...

mood

Not sure but try FAS first.

ennis81

Hey there good information on the citizens advice website about college and back to education allowance, my friend has just about finished a 4 year degree while on the dole. Don't put yourself down I'm sure with hard graft you'll be well able for college just make sure to do a course in something that a) you really have an interest in and b) there are jobs available in that area unless you plan leaving the country,
Good luck