Really need to improve social skills

Mismatch

I'm not very good socially. I'm a girl, 23, and I've started to notice it a lot now I've started my first proper job. I'm intuitive and empathetic, that's not the problem- but I'm just kind of shy and struggle to find enough to say in social situations. I get nervous and a bit tense as well and I think that makes things harder.

I think as I grow older it's starting to become a real handicap. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and find a way of changing this. I just want to be like most people and be reasonably socially successful with my own peers, and make friends more easily.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I could do, actions you've taken or books you've read? Or if you managed to improve your own iffy social skills it would be great to hear how you did it. I'm just not sure what to do!

Roselm

I was probably similar to you when younger...now? I was always unsure what to say. Bit of a breakthrough when I realised: basically say anything (within reason!). I just mean I was always worried about being interesting but I ended up saying nothing because could think of nothing to say. If you just start chatting about whatever comes to mind you will either end up having a
perfectly ok conversation or if you click with the person something interesting usually comes up.
Maybe that's obvious but that was the start of what helped me anyway!

Roselm

And remember many people who appear very confident are often really just putting a brave face on it and are making themselves get out there and talk to people. This was also a revelation for me! And the fact that you can do this too.
Believe that your conversation will be successful and it is more likely to be. Don't assume the other person will be bored etc. If it's someone new remember that they know nothing about you so for all they know you are super confident and happy in yourself.
Most people are nice and will respond to someone who wants to talk to them because people like company and like to have a chat!

LegacyUser

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
It's not what you say, or even how you say it.
It's how people perceive you.

Become more conscious and aware of your sexuality and how others perceive this facet of yourself, and the rest falls into place and becomes very natural.

Remember that sexuality is the most powerful attractive force in nature, so without it's correct application, relationships and relating, can become very difficult.
Much of what we say or talk about is actually just an overtone to the sexual vibe that is exchanged between us.
This is true for same genders as well as opposing.

If that makes any sense to you and you'd like me to expound a little further, feel free to ask.

PS - if you do this correctly, you should notice instantaneous results.

LegacyUser

im deffo interested in hearing more!!

Mismatch

interested101 wrote: »

im deffo interested in hearing more!!

Me too! I'm not sure how that could be applied to daytime work social situations, or to people of the same gender, so I would be interested to hear. Thanks for your advice Roselm. I have tried the 'say anything' thing before but feel I end up coming out with pointless stuff when I do that. Maybe I'm just not a very good conversationalist

SNAKEDOC

WozzleWazzle wrote: »

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
It's not what you say, or even how you say it.
It's how people perceive you.

Become more conscious and aware of your sexuality and how others perceive this facet of yourself, and the rest falls into place and becomes very natural.

Remember that sexuality is the most powerful attractive force in nature, so without it's correct application, relationships and relating, can become very difficult.
Much of what we say or talk about is actually just an overtone to the sexual vibe that is exchanged between us.
This is true for same genders as well as opposing.

If that makes any sense to you and you'd like me to expound a little further, feel free to ask.

PS - if you do this correctly, you should notice instantaneous results.

are you talking about normal every day chit chat or going out to get laid cus their is a big difference. first of if a girl is like that people sometimes think the wrong thing if she is using her sexuality as a conversation piece and i don't mean telling others your gay or straight but by been more sexual than normal thats how not to go about it.

If your lacking confidence in generating some good holsome conversation just try this. relax if you can't think of anythng then ask a question. the most common mistake in starting a conversation is talking about something boring. ie the weather current afairs news paper articles and tv. its not all about chemistry and flirting. life is not an episode of sex and the city. try and find a common ground or a shared interest. it could be the most obscure thing such as admiring a passing car or sharing a love for good food or wine, anything could be an ice breaker just use your imagination

Ickle Magoo

Just a heads-up OP.

WozzleWazzle is a site-banned poster trying to circumvent their ban by posting as an unregistered poster. As such their latest posts will be deleted and no more of their posts will be approved.