Anyone here got an elderly relative in a care home?

Tiocfaidh Armani

My da unfortunately had a severe stroke that's severely brain damaged him, he can't speak and won't walk again. It's been nearly six month now in hospital and they've found a home for him to be cared for. Now we live near Liffey Valley and it's out in Rathcoole, which over bus (we have to use buses, no car) will take us ages to get to and really isn't suitable.

My mother doesn't want it but is on the way to view it. Can she refuse that one and wait until one more suitable for us to visit becomes available? They say the funding is only there for 10 days so if she refuses we have to reapply and that takes over a month so we feel we have no choice, but that home really is gonna take ages to get to via buses.:(

orourkeda

Are the bus routes really the priority here?

Tiocfaidh Armani

orourkeda wrote: »

Are the bus routes really the priority here?

He is perfectly fine where he is in Tallaght just now there's no rush. It does come into it because it's gonna severely restrict our visits. He's there maybe until he passes away and it's two buses away and the way to get there is every hour and every two hours on a sunday. It's not suitable for us and him.

chin_grin

Sorry about your situation, but maybe one of yee should learn to drive. Or ask a friend to drop you over?

Biggins

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

Anyone here got an elderly relative in a care home(

Yes, older brother.
Physically and mentally effected.

coolx

Sorry to hear about your da OP:(

_feedback_

Very sorry to hear that OP. Hope it works out.

Tiocfaidh Armani

chin_grin wrote: »

Sorry about your situation, but maybe one of yee should learn to drive. Or ask a friend to drop you over?

Every day do that? It's really not suitable, we like being around him all the time and take turns to be there for different feeding times because we know he hates strangers feeding him. On Sundays the buses are every two hours and you know how crap the buses are. It could take hours to get home.

Just wondering if anyone else had this with a relative where you basically took what you were given and that's that. My ma is 66 now and had a heart attack two years ago so it's gonna be so hard on her, finding this whole process really upsetting now:(

She said to the social worker in Tallaght what if we get snow like last year, we're dependant in public transport we wouldn't be able to get out that way on buses if we have the same winter again. She just says "so what, you won't be able to see him for a week or so". I mean ffs we don't know how long he has left every day if a gift imo:mad:

mikom

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

Every day do that? It's really not suitable, we like being around him all the time and take turns to be there for different feeding times because we know he hates strangers feeding him. On Sundays the buses are every two hours and you know how crap the buses are. It could take hours to get home.

Count yourself lucky.
People with folks in care institutions out the country would be lucky to have one bus a day.

Cú Giobach

Sorry to hear about that Tiocfaidh.
If your father is concious and aware I would strongly advise you, based on personal experience, to make your judgement based on the quality of the home instead of ease of transport.
I know all too well how hard it can be visiting someone in that situation, but they have to be there 24/7 and quality of care can vary quite a bit.
Put it this way (and please excuse me) which is worse, waiting too long for a bed pan or resultant clean up every day, or waiting in the rain for a bus every day.
I am not slating the workers/nurses in homes here, I just understand sometimes things can get busy.

I've been in that situation and basically the daily routine for 8 months revolved around travelling, it wasn't easy and to be honest sometimes my thoughts were quite negative but you just do what has to be done.
You will also remember what you do or don't do over the times ahead for the rest of your life, and regret that something could have been done differently is hard.
Sincere best wishes Cú.

RichieC

my nana, it's a very nice place. Brand new.

TLC in saggart.

Slunk

My folks have to get two buses across Dublin to see my grandad. My aunt from the country needs a train and a bus. If it snow's it snow's. That's life. Its tough but you just have to get through it as best you can. He understands we all do our best to see him but sometimes its just not possible.

biko

From After Hours. Hope it works out for your family OP.

mattjack

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

My da unfortunately had a severe stroke that's severely brain damaged him, he can't speak and won't walk again. It's been nearly six month now in hospital and they've found a home for him to be cared for. Now we live near Liffey Valley and it's out in Rathcoole, which over bus (we have to use buses, no car) will take us ages to get to and really isn't suitable.

My mother doesn't want it but is on the way to view it. Can she refuse that one and wait until one more suitable for us to visit becomes available? They say the funding is only there for 10 days so if she refuses we have to reapply and that takes over a month so we feel we have no choice, but that home really is gonna take ages to get to via buses.:(

Hi ,I have a parent in a care home too, initially we were offered a place in a home miles from where my mother lives.We said no and eventually got a place under the fair deal scheme,my father spent a year in hospital,before moving to a home ten minutes from where he lived.Stand your ground with the social worker,make a note of everything she says,your father may have a reference number ...I dealt with the HSE administration myself and I can honestly tell you my goldfish are more capable and organised .PM me if you need any more info.

Tiocfaidh Armani

mattjack wrote: »

Hi ,I have a parent in a care home too, initially we were offered a place in a home miles from where my mother lives.We said no and eventually got a place under the fair deal scheme,my father spent a year in hospital,before moving to a home ten minutes from where he lived.Stand your ground with the social worker,make a note of everything she says,your father may have a reference number ...I dealt with the HSE administration myself and I can honestly tell you my goldfish are more capable and organised .PM me if you need any more info.

Thanks for the reply. That's very helpful. Someone from the HSE told my ma not to accept it. He's fine where he is so there's no rush for him to go to a home as well, so we wanna wait until something a little easier to get to comes along.

Some people can say consider yourself lucky blah, blah, but when I see my once healthy da brain damaged unable to talk or walk and my elderly mother not long had a heart attack potentially facing a poxsy journey every day to see her husband I don't feel very lucky:(

But thanks for that, if I think of any questions I'll definitely PM. I'm really glad you stuck your ground. It's your parent after all, you only have one setof them you wanna see them as often as possible when they're not well, you never know what the end is coming.

Tiocfaidh Armani

Slunk wrote: »

My folks have to get two buses across Dublin to see my grandad. My aunt from the country needs a train and a bus. If it snow's it snow's. That's life. Its tough but you just have to get through it as best you can. He understands we all do our best to see him but sometimes its just not possible.

It is possible though. We had a place near the home and the HSE took so long organising the funding it was gone. It is beyond words how useless they are. So sorry I don't feel my mother who isn't well herself should have a two hour journey there and a two hour journey back every day because they're fecking useless. That's the problem with the Irish we just accept the sh*t we're given due to the states incompetence.

Little Acorn

Hi, Sorry I don't have much advice to give you, just want to say that I think you are justified in feeling annoyed over the mess ups that your HSE made, and that it is totally understandable that you would wish for somewhere closer.
I don't want to go into too much detail myself, but a close family member of mine is in very poor health, and talks of a (temporary) care home have started being bandied about this week, depending on what the doctor advises us at the end of this week. Even the thought of it is tearing me apart, as I am hoping that my family member will get stronger quicker and that it won't be necessary. There have been several mess ups in our situation too regarding different matters.
Your father's case is much , much worse than my own family member's and my heart goes out to you and your family. Hope ye are able to achieve a better place closer by.

mattjack

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. That's very helpful. Someone from the HSE told my ma not to accept it. He's fine where he is so there's no rush for him to go to a home as well, so we wanna wait until something a little easier to get to comes along.

Some people can say consider yourself lucky blah, blah, but when I see my once healthy da brain damaged unable to talk or walk and my elderly mother not long had a heart attack potentially facing a poxsy journey every day to see her husband I don't feel very lucky:(

But thanks for that, if I think of any questions I'll definitely PM. I'm really glad you stuck your ground. It's your parent after all, you only have one setof them you wanna see them as often as possible when they're not well, you never know what the end is coming.

And when you do finally get a home for your father,make sure to find out exactly what service is provided..do they provide incontinence pads,who provides a wheelchair for him,even little things like haircuts and nail cutting....his medical card should be still in use too...

Tiocfaidh Armani

Hi, just to say if they're saying they wanna move your relative to somewhere that might be very hard for you to get to but will move your relative to somewhere more easily accessible once it becomes available, the advise given to my mother yesterday, by an actual HSE employee, was don't don't do it, they'll not care once they have him in a home and you'll be screwed and they don't care.

If that's what you mean in your own situation by "temporary care home" I really should let you know what was said to my mother in the QT by a HSE person.

Good luck with your situation, none are worse than others really, they all tear the heart out of you just the same:(

mattjack

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

Hi, just to say if they're saying they wanna move your relative to somewhere that might be very hard for you to get to but will move your relative to somewhere more easily accessible once it becomes available, the advise given to my mother yesterday, by an actual HSE employee, was don't don't do it, they'll not care once they have him in a home and you'll be screwed and they don't care.

If that's what you mean in your own situation by "temporary care home" I really should let you know what was said to my mother in the QT by a HSE person.

Good luck with your situation, none are worse than others really, they all tear the heart out of you just the same:(

don,t let them move him, we had similar situation when they asked could they move my father to a home before Christmas ,just to ease pressure during the holidays...its a way of removing your father from the hospital.

To get him readmitted to the hospital would mean bringing him back in via A E.

Little Acorn

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

Hi, just to say if they're saying they wanna move your relative to somewhere that might be very hard for you to get to but will move your relative to somewhere more easily accessible once it becomes available, the advise given to my mother yesterday, by an actual HSE employee, was don't don't do it, they'll not care once they have him in a home and you'll be screwed and they don't care.

If that's what you mean in your own situation by "temporary care home" I really should let you know what was said to my mother in the QT by a HSE person.

Good luck with your situation, none are worse than others really, they all tear the heart out of you just the same:(

Thanks. I meant temporary in that she may eventually be able to return home after a number of months if her condition improves. I am still hoping that she might not have to go at all, although so far I am been told by my family that I am not trained to look after her by myself as she is extremely weak right now, and is under medical supervision in hospital. I agree with them that I'm not, but am hoping that she improves enough for it not to be necessary. We have a meeting with the head doctor in the hospital this week. She has improved a little bit so I'm still fingers crossed. We've had problems regarding other things with the HSE though, it's so frustrating!
If it comes to it that she will definitely have to go somewhere I will be following your advice, thanks again, and I sincerely hope that things work out the best for you and your family.