Puzzle me this

LegacyUser

I recently started a new job not so long ago. I encouraged my best friend/ on off boyfriend to go for the interview too as he had no experience in interviews at all.

Well we both got the job and herein lys the problem.

We now live together (we were sent away for work) and I'm just not myself at all the last week. I was all happy a few weeks ago when his place became free and I moved in but now I find myself sleeping in a separate room away from him. I'm enjoying my own company more so than his.

I also feel that he tries to out do me in work. We had a meeting today with our manager from Ireland and he had found all these errors and never informed me and I was like wtf?! I felt like an idiot, its not the first time this has happened either.

I'm just confused about everything, we were on off when we starte dthe job now we're bf and gf. I just don't know if I can contunue working with him.

This is going to sound mean but I never thought he would get the job, I just encouraged him for the experience of interviewing.

The job/relationship is just running around in my mind.

I also have lost any sex drive aswell... which is annoying him. He's annoyed that I sleep in another room too, tbh I don't blame him.

Virgil°

This is a relationship dynamic that will never work. You can't be with each other all day in work and then at home too. You need space from each other sometime during the day, preferably in work.
It was a poor idea getting him to interview for the same job as you, the chance was always there that he'd get it too.
One of you is going to have to move jobs if the relationship is going to work I reckon.

token56

The problem with this is all aspects of your life are becoming muddled into one. In general its always good to keep some distance between your work and personal life. But its very hard to keep this separation in this sort of scenario. Everyone is naturally going to want to have some "me" time or just time away from work. For a lot of people time away from work could be just with their partner relaxing but because you are working together time with your partner at home is probably feeling too much like work. Or at least the stresses from work are still there. I can imagine this is why you prefer sleeping in another room etc because this is probably the only little time you have where you can get away from those stresses.

Obviously the dynamics of a the relationship aren't what they were and its an issue which is understandable. But its a difficult situation, unless some significant effort can be made by both of you to try separate your work and personal life's the friction will only increase. The problem is if it all became too much and things ended you are then working with your ex which is not a nice situation either.

Out of interest, how long are the two of you officially going out?

LittleBook

Puzzle me this wrote: »

I'm just confused about everything.

No doubt! Within a short period of time you

- started a new job
- got back together with your best friend/on off boyfriend
- moved in with him
- AND started working closely with him

And, let's face it, he's a bit of a dick of a colleague.

Sometimes relationships with colleagues can work out but very rarely (in my experience) if you are working so closely together and your partner is (as appears to be the case here) competing with you!

And that's even aside from the rollercoaster of the recent past. You guys seem to have been all over the place even before you started working together!

I'm sorry but I can't see this working out, something's got to give.

LegacyUser

Officially we have been going out a few months, but been on and off for 2 years or so.

I know it was a poor decision on my behalf but at the time I thought it would be good for him to get experience. His background is not relevant at all... or so I thought.

We don't seem to be working at home and we don't communicate in work all that much. Go for lunch is all.

He's wondering why and asking me where am I sleeping tonight...

My sex drive is kaputt aswell, I can't even entertain the idea at all!

I would have much preferred if this job and being here was my thing and not have to share it.

I probably sound really selfish.

Chinafoot

Ah OP, you don't sound selfish at all.

I adore my boyfriend, we've been together over 6 years and living together over 4 but there is absolutely no way in hell I would work in the same place as him. He feels exactly the same. It would be way too much.

I don't think its a sustainable situation. If you've only been 'officially' a couple for a few months then living together seems like an extremely rushed move. Would you consider finding somewhere else to live? This way you both have your own space outside of work. Go on dates, things like that. You'll be far more likely to bring the spark back (and your sex drive) if you're not living in each others pockets.

If you still want to have a relationship with him I'd suggest you (or him) start apartment hunting.