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Trust issues

  • 29-11-2011 1:44pm
    #1
    Hersheys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I've got issues in trusting people.

    Recently enough a friend of mine committed suicide. We were friends and had formed a bond over our shared mental health issues. We went through a bad spell previously at the same time and together we got out of it.

    Since she died things have spiralled out of control for me. I'm in a dark place. I'm not suicidal, but I do have an urge to hurt myself.

    I don't trust anyone enough to tell them - not even a counsellor. If I tell someone I'm in danger of hurting myself the first thing they'll do is contact my next of kin.

    Any ideas?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, sorry to hear about your friend.
    Would you consider a phoneline service where you could talk about how you feel with somebody?
    This is a link with a few numbers. : http://www.nosp.ie/html/help.html

    I notice Console is for people who have been bereaved by suicide. They could help you deal with the emotions you are feeling.

    Some of those other numbers might be able to talk about preventing self harm with you too.

    You say you don't want your next of kin to know, but maybe they are the people you should speak to first?
    I think if you have caring people in your life, then you should talk to your family and friends.
    If you don't get along with family or don't have many friends, then seek outside help.

    My own father committed suicide, and all these years later, I just still wish with all my heart that he had spoke to us or even somebody outside the family.
    It's never too late to open up, and no situation is ever completely unsalvageable.

    Hope you feel well soon, and get the help or advice you need.


  • #3
    Hersheys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    I don't want my family to know what's going on. It's a tough time for the family - I have to stay strong for them. I don't want to worry them unnescessarily, hence being concerned that if I talk to a counsellor they may feel they have to contact my family (next of kin).

    I would like to talk to someone "in real life" about it - I feel like I need a hug. If that makes sense. I want someone to be there for me the way that I've been there for people before. But I don't want to worry anyone.

    Am thinking of talking to my GP about it. Hopefully he'll respect confidentiality.


  • #4
    fiendoncheese
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭fiendoncheese


    Hi, I reccommend you get in contact with aware. They have weekly group support meetings all over the country. It's all anonymous, so no need to worry about your family finding out before you're ready to tell them. You can find info about where your local meeting is held on their website, sorry I can't give a link as I'm on my mobile but it's aware.ie someone very close to me attends them and they've helped him so much! I know they'll do everything they can to help you too.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I don't think you would be worrying them "unnecessarily". As you said yourself, you are in a very dark place and feel like harming yourself. If this is left unchecked, your thoughts could spiral to even darker places. You need to get this sorted now before things worsen. I know you want to be strong for your family, but I think nomatter what they are going through, they would prefer to have an opportunity to help you NOW rather than for you to a few weeks down the line do something to harm yourself, and leave them wondering why you didn't just speak to them. This would hurt and worry them a hell of a lot more than you just asking them for some help and support.

    I do understand where you are coming from though, and I know that it is only through your kindness that you don't want to burden your family. I personally think that this is a mistake, but I understand your reasons behind it.

    I wish I could be of more help regarding the confidentiality issues, but I am not sure of the laws or rules regarding this matter.
    I know that you can definitely speak in privacy about feeling depressed, and could definitely go to your doctor and tell him you are having an extremely tough time dealing with your friend's death.

    I know that some of those groups also hold meetings for dealing with depression or for dealing with suicide. You would get to speak with lots of people in these.
    You already know of one on one counselling, which I think can also be got for free depending on your circumstances.

    Again though, I'm not sure what obligation counsellors or doctors have if you tell them out rightly that you feel like harming yourself.
    I don't know if they would necessary tell your family.
    I would have thought it might be more along the lines of first trying to dissuade you, and working through why you feel this, and if this doesn't work, then maybe advising you to have a very short stay in a hospital.
    I would have thought it would only be as a last resort if you told them you were DEFINITELY going to do something bad, that they would have to maybe inform somebody, although I don't know if this would be your family that they would inform.

    I don't know for sure though.
    I hope somebody else who has more knowledge about the procedures would respond to this thread, because I tried looking for you but find it hard to find any definitive answer online.
    I really hope things improve for you soon.


  • #6
    Payton
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,693 ✭✭✭Payton


    Hersheys wrote: »
    I don't want my family to know what's going on. It's a tough time for the family - I have to stay strong for them. I don't want to worry them unnescessarily, hence being concerned that if I talk to a counsellor they may feel they have to contact my family (next of kin).

    I would like to talk to someone "in real life" about it - I feel like I need a hug. If that makes sense. I want someone to be there for me the way that I've been there for people before. But I don't want to worry anyone.

    Am thinking of talking to my GP about it. Hopefully he'll respect confidentiality.

    Hi OP It must be hard for you, but your doing the right thing by opening up and looking for help.
    A counsellor will deal with you on a confidential basis, and will your local GP. You need to reach out and let go with someone on how you feel, we all go through very very tough times in our lives and sometimes we all need a little push and chatting to someone like a counsellor is what's needed. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed they are trained professionals. Your GP will point you in the right direction.
    Take Care.


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  • #7
    Hersheys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    I've previously gone through counselling during college but I had no difficulty trusting the counsellor. I was 100% open and honest and she knew my family circumstances so knew the consequences that'd happen if my family were to find out. When I hurt myself it's scratching and little cuts - not anything too serious. It's a method of coping more than anything. But I haven't in a while and I don't want to. I moved away from where I used to see the counsellor - so I can't go back there. When my friend never came back from her dark place, I saw a counsellor where I live now, but when I mentioned thoughts of self-harm he said if I was serious he'd have to contact next of kin. That puts me off talking.

    I've been to my GP previously for anxiety and depression. I also have other health problems and am currently having a flare-up of my illness which doesn't help my thoughts.

    I know its hypocritical that I can tell my family about my other health problems but not about my mental health, I just don't feel comfortable telling people. I've got some great friends - I really do - but I just don't want to worry them. Some of them have had to deal with our friend dying recently; others have their own stuff going on and I don't want to worry them either.

    I've thought of going to meetings, but I'm not sure the group approach would work for me. I'm a very private person and it takes me ages to open up. There's every chance I could sit in silence.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hersheys wrote: »
    I've previously gone through counselling during college but I had no difficulty trusting the counsellor. I was 100% open and honest and she knew my family circumstances so knew the consequences that'd happen if my family were to find out. When I hurt myself it's scratching and little cuts - not anything too serious. It's a method of coping more than anything. But I haven't in a while and I don't want to. I moved away from where I used to see the counsellor - so I can't go back there. When my friend never came back from her dark place, I saw a counsellor where I live now, but when I mentioned thoughts of self-harm he said if I was serious he'd have to contact next of kin. That puts me off talking.

    I've been to my GP previously for anxiety and depression. I also have other health problems and am currently having a flare-up of my illness which doesn't help my thoughts.

    I know its hypocritical that I can tell my family about my other health problems but not about my mental health, I just don't feel comfortable telling people. I've got some great friends - I really do - but I just don't want to worry them. Some of them have had to deal with our friend dying recently; others have their own stuff going on and I don't want to worry them either.

    I've thought of going to meetings, but I'm not sure the group approach would work for me. I'm a very private person and it takes me ages to open up. There's every chance I could sit in silence.

    Hi again,
    I don't think it's hypocritical that you don't feel comfortable talking to your family about this. I hope I didn't sound like I was giving out to you in last post for not speaking to them, I just thought it would be a good idea to, but I do understand your wish for privacy and that you want to keep this away from your family and friends.

    I looked up a place called Pieta House. They have one on one counsellors especially trained for discussing self harming. It is in Dublin though so I don't know if it is nearby you.
    From reading it it seems that they like to work and speak with both you and your family, and you have weekly one on one sessions with them for a few months, although I don't know if the speaking with your family part is compulsory or not?

    Their telephone number is: 01-601 00 00 (for daytime hours)

    and if it is the middle of the night you can email: mary@pieta.ie

    This is a link to their page: http://www.pieta.ie/I've_been_self_harming.html

    They are completely free of charge, but accept donations if you can afford it.

    As they specialise in self harming counselling, I think if you rang that number they would be able to let you know for sure the laws regarding patient confidentiality in this country.
    If you are not nearby their centre, I would be very optimistic that they could at least recommend a counsellor in your area who has experience with self harming clients.

    Another option might be to ring FLAC which is a free legal aid number for Ireland.
    http://www.flac.ie/gethelp/

    Their number for general queries is 1890 350 250.
    http://www.flac.ie/gethelp/infoline.html

    They have volunteer solicitors and barristers and can link your call to an agency specialised in your query either. You wouldn't have to tell them your personal story , but maybe could just ask what the general patient confidentiality laws are.

    I would try Pieta House first though, as I think they would have the most information and helpful advice.

    All the best and take care.


  • #9
    Hersheys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    Nope, I didn't think you were giving out to me for not talking to them, I just wanted to explain a little better.

    Thanks for the info. Unfortunately I'm no t in Dublin much but will give Pieta house a call and see what they say.

    Sorry to hear about your dad by the way :(


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