How to put this...

DanMC2005

Hello everyone.
I am not sure if this should be posted here, and if it is I apologize in advance.

Well, I'm not really sure where to begin... I think I'll try going from the beginning...

I am a portuguese 22 year old boy. Ever since I was a kid, I've always reached every single goal I aimed to reach, overcome any obstacle, and after I was done with high school, my marks allowed me to pick any single college degree I wanted. The thing is, well, call it arrogance, but I always looked for more. I want to take my own attempt at making this world a better place, but unlike many, I know it is not, at all, an easy "flower path". This world has seen its own share of evil, in every sort, and it has digged so deep in society, only an innovative way of seeing things will do. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself correctly, but... anyway...
I never knew what I wanted as a "profession". I like 2 things more than anything in this world: writing and acting. I can be "fairly good" at pretty much everything, but what I really like are those two. However, none of them has the "profession" signature, and as such my parents never saw those two as options for my future.
So after I finished high school, I decided to take the only "realistic" path I could take: medicine. I find it to be interesting, and quite a noble profession, but not one I can see myself into. Besides, being a doctor would seriously limit me in where I can go. To actually make something "worldwide big", influence is a key word, and a doctor would have a much harder time getting it.
Moving on, like I said before, I was approved for Medicine in the university in my home city. I failed that year, and I was too ashamed to tell my parents. Besides, I knew I was not failing because I couldn't do it, but I did not know exactly why it was that I failed. My parents found out almost at the end of the year, and let's just say things werent pretty. I applied again that year, but I didn't want to apply for Medicine. I applied for a different course, and my parents, even though they didn't like it, accepted. They told me that chances of finding a job on that course were low, and that I should seriously consider changing the option. They did leave it to me, however. Back then I thought maybe going to university away from home was the answer, so I changed the application to Medicine, in a different city. Again I was approved.
Now, at the 4th year, I have failed once more, and have been lying to my parents about it ever since I got here. I know my mom would collapse on her knees if she found out, and I just can't do it to her. She has been through a lot in her life, to deserve something like this.
I have asked my friends for advice on what to do. Some say I should find a job and write a book while at it, just so I can be self-providing, easening the impact. None of them says I should be just plain honest, and to be honest, neither do I.
Also, I have been fading more and more with each passing day. I seem to have lost all reasons to fight, and I was the exact opposite 5 years ago, I just don't know how this happened... two friends of mine, when I told them, said that "the reason is you". I just don't understand, I think...

I'm sorry if the text is confusing, it's hard to put it all right when everything in my head is twirling.

Well, I would appreciate any thoughts you might have about this...
Thank you in advance.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from the bereavement forum to PI as there is no mention of bereavement in your post. :cool:

Pebbles68

As I see it you have two issues;
1. You are studying a subject that you are intelligent enought to succeed in but simply don't have the passion for, nor are you interested in as a career.
2. You are afraid to tell your parents.

Well eventually your parents are going to find out. How long do you think you can keep a secret? The longer you avoid the truth the bigger you make the problem.

As for your career, if you are gunuinely passionate and talented at something I believe that's where the path will eventually take you. You may struggle financially but if you are good you'll make it in the end. Take a part time drama or writing course, see how you get on, see if you are passionate.

Hopefully you will be working for 40 years or so. You don't want to be doing something you hate.

nyarlothothep

Ah, the eternal dilemma of choosing a responsible path over what one wants more than anything else in the world but which has a remarkably high barrier to entry or success. I'd give you advice except I'm similarly confused with regards music. On the one hand choosing to pursue a dangerous career like acting might yield no dividends at all, and you end up with nothing to show for it and financially uncomfortable. On the other hand can you look back at your life and say I don't regret not pursuing it? At the end of the day all things material are transient but they do have an effect on the experience of this fleeting thing we call life. Is it that important to pursue your dreams at all or even to be recognized by others as being brilliant in whatever career you choose when you believe in yourself to begin with? To what degree does the concept of social approval emanate from what society tells you to think or what you feel yourself? Conversely you may want everyone to know about you as an actor as you might think you have something to contribute to acting and that's the only way to do it.

Fyi Sacah Baron Cohen gave himself a 5 year plan to become successful or he'd just jack it in. Perhaps this is an option, give it your best shot for 5 years and see how it goes, you can always go back to medicine or you might have a better idea of what you want to do outside of acting. There are consequences probably attached to this, you'll hear about starting your career late and not earning as much as your peers from others but its up to you to determine whether these things are as important as priorities in relation to what you want out of this life.