Gut instinct and a guy

LegacyUser

I had been been casually seeing a guy I like for a few months. From the very start, my gut instinct was "this is supposed to happen" In short, turns out I think, actually no, I know he doesnt have anymore interest in me. He is "confused" so Ill take that as a bugger off. I cant contact him again as he thinks am being pushy - ok maybe I have been in some people/men opinions- but only to try find out what was going on (seems like wanting to know where we might be going pushed it over the edge, but I had to ask for my own sake). Ive been in a few relationships - I know what it is like to be involved in the sordid heartache of loosing someone/stopping contact with someone you care about, and it hurts and you move on. But this has really gotton to me. Its a different kind of hurt/loss feeling I cant describe.

This guy was heart and gut instinct for me - something I hadnt ever felt before with a guy. My gut/instinct says dont give up hope, my heart/head says youll get over it. Damn gut. I have to move on, but it wont let me. I have never experienced this before. I have even taken off the rose-tinted glasses (you know - remember what you didnt like about them-usually works) but thats not working either. I have been with partners of 5 years plus and it was always my heart that hurt. I dont even know if anyone will understand me. It is not a nice feeling. Why is the instinct so strong? I usually get strong gut instincts about things (this is probably another topic in itself, but I am very intuitive person and have even predicted things and just "know" things I shouldnt-I cant explain-I rarely tell people these things, let alone explain to him). But am human and have the same feelings as everyone else, and need to get over this.

Eve_Dublin

Hi OP. I'll be as tactful as possible here but you were only seeing this guy a few months and you were already asking him where it was going? Sure no one can tell you that after such a short time and no one can guarantee anything. I know you're probably disappointed because previous relationships haven't worked out and you probably don't want to waste your time on another one but to expect someone to know how they feel about you and where you'll be 5 years down the line after a few months is unreasonable. Other people, including this guy, has told you so.

If you don't mind me saying, you sound quite full on. You're talking about intuition and being able to predict stuff and you see this relationship as fate perhaps (I don't believe in fate, by the way) If a guy talked like that so early on in a relationship then I'd be confused too. I'd feel preasured and I'd probably lose interest fairly quickly. It's not fair on him. You can't build a template in your mind and try and squeeze someone into it and force someone to make decisions about something as important as total commitment so early on.

I completely understand your feelings though. I've had that feeling at the beginning of relationships before and hoping that it wasn't another potential break up. It's tough. There's no guarantee in any relationship. Even if he promised you that he'd marry and have kids with you, they're only words.

If all is lost with this guy and he's moved on, then give it time to get over it. Any break up is horrible to go through but you will get through it and you'll eventually meet someone who wants to be with you too.

If there's still a chance with this guy, back off and give him some space. Don't put so much pressure on him at this stage. Let things unfold and see how it progesses naturally. Just enjoy the moment and remember nothing is guaranteed. Give him time to fall in love with you and want to commit. You can't force those kinds of feelings, even if your gut instinct is saying it's right. He has a gut too, don't forget.

LegacyUser

You are right. I think I needed to read what you wrote.

Yesterday a guy I met a few weeks ago text me out of the blue and asked me on a date, and I accepted. Although I dont get the same feelings towards him, I will give it a go and back off from the guy that I actually like.

Yes I was being pushy with the guy I like - I felt like I needed to push him. But it was the wrong thing to do, obviously as yes, I believe I have scared him off and it feels awful. Is there anything I can do? Seems the more you try to explain yourself sometimes, you come away looking worse.

I am a friend

Unless you did some really mad stuff, he shouldnt be so easily scared if he were interested enough...

Just let him off and go out with the new guy.... I think sometimes we think someone is ideal and try to convince our gut that he fits cos we want him to. If he was right he would not be scared away.

Miss Fluff

ohigohg wrote: »

From the very start, my gut instinct was "this is supposed to happen"

That's enormous pressure to put on yourself, on him and on a fledgling relationship.

I am pretty intuitive too but with some things you have to go with the flow rather than go with your gut. Seems like you have been far too full on with this bloke. As for asking what you can do? Nothing bar try and learn from it and move on. Also don't be as quick in future to try and mould the next lad into something that's "supposed to happen"....see where it leads. Your gut has proved itself not to have a 100% hit rate.....