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Family Issues - Respect and more

  • 27-11-2011 5:36pm
    #1
    beatendown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭


    I'm in a family of four, me, my mum, dad and sister.

    About four years ago I told them I was gay, I didn't know much at the time and was confused thinking they would at least accept me or help me. Instead I was kicked out. I eventually got back in, said I was confused and honestly tried to 'go straight'. That failed after 2 years and started to feel better about myself, accepted who I was and started to rebuild myself.

    I still haven't told my family to this day that I'm gay because they fund my education, something I can't afford to lose. I'm ok with that at the moment because its just something you have to live with.

    My problem (apart from the above) is that there is a complete lack of respect and a total difference in how I'm treated against my sister. A perfect example is the upcoming christmas holidays. For no apparent reason my family want me down for new years eve. I was going to spend it with my friends and my partner as its his birthday and I had spent months planning it. I also have to do work for my thesis as its the only free time I have, its better for me to do it at university as there is no distractions. My sister is free to go for new years eve but my family in my view begrudge me going down to enjoy mine.

    Do I go home for christmas, knowing my family only want me there as an act of power (I was reminded of the fact who was paying for my education countless times today), or stay up at uni. Its one in a long line of hits from my parents, I feel belittled in every way, and after every achievement I have made to date its been met with complete distain.


Comments

  • #2
    doyle61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 442 ✭✭doyle61


    Well if they harped on about it being them who's paying for your education you could always remind them that without a finished thesis you won't be completing the education their paying for.


  • #3
    tinkerbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    You're doing a thesis so presumably you're in your mid-late 20s. Your old enough now to stand up to your parents and stop letting them walk all over you. They walk all over you because you let them.

    I'm a little confused about the Christmas / New Years thing .... are you going down for Christmas anyway and they expect you to stay for Christmas AND New Years?

    Regardless, you've made plans for New Years Eve, tell them you won't be staying for it, you'll be at university.


  • #4
    Helgele
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10 ✭Helgele


    I agree with doyle61, plus try to keep communication cool and confident with them as bending backwards will show you're afraid of "consequences" and will open the door for further string pulling. You have an excellent excuse to stay away, study hard, get your education and GTFO. Read about dysfunctional families and you get the picture.


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