My niece is being bullied

Lorrs33

Long story short, my family and I only see my niece on Saturdays, other than that we're not really involved in her life. Her mother married someone else and has been popping out babies left, right and centre until she has a girl. She has three boys after my niece and is pregnant again. My niece is eight going on nine and is my brother's daughter. My brother is not parent material but he's really picked up in the last couple of years.

Anyway, my niece is in primary school and she says she's being bullied. I brought her shopping last week so she could buy a new pair of runners for school with her pocket money. She got a gorgeous pair of Hello Kitty ones in Dunnes. Today she told me that her bully/bullies keep(s) laughing at them. And my mam learned from her that they break her pencils and throw them back at her. Supposedly her mother and stepdad went to the school about it and nothing was done. I don't think much of either of them and I presume they've given up.

I was bullied in school and it's killing me that this is happening to her. I want to do something, nothing violent or illegal of course, but what can I do? I've never once seen her school, we only communicate with her mam and stepdad when we pick her up and drop her off on Saturdays. I was thinking maybe I could suggest to them that I go down to the school and have a word with this child's mother, even though I absolutely hate confrontation. I doubt the mother is going to take what I say lightly.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

byhookorbycrook

Tell parents to go back to school. Something may have been done on the quiet, but more needs to be done.

I am a friend

Time for your brother to step up up the plate and look after his own kid. You seem very quick to slag the mother off - it takes 2 to tango. How often does he see her? Can he not go to the school?

Lorrs33

I am a friend wrote: »

Time for your brother to step up up the plate and look after his own kid. You seem very quick to slag the mother off - it takes 2 to tango. How often does he see her? Can he not go to the school?

I know it takes two and I'm the first to admit my brother isn't the best father, but I don't like the mother because she has emotionally blackmailed my family one too many times by threatening to stop us seeing my niece unless she gets her way. We were only ever nice to her, so this was all quite a shock. So yeah, I think I have every right to slag her off. That's not the issue here though.

I'm going to say it to my brother, but is that really the only option? Like I said, we ALL only see her every Saturday.

thefeatheredcat

How extensively does the bullying run, that you're aware of so far? Are these just once off relatively recently, or is there more to it? And is it a case that she's volunteering this information either by speaking up through being upset or a kind of by the way sort of thing, or is it probed out of her?

Is she very open and able to talk about it with her parents? And if not, are you in a position to offer yourself or other family members that she is comfortable talking about it with?

I think the best approach is that she gets it out in the open with whoever she feels comfortable with, and then tells her parents everything, and this should be encouraged and you have the fortunate position to give her that encouragement to be really honest about it and how it affects her.

That actually worked for me with my nephew when he was in primary school to encourage him to talk about it openly and honesty with his parents for it to be addressed....he actually ended up changing schools and turned into a happier kid and knew he could talk about stuff like that openly too.

The parents should go to the school again.... and if no satisfaction there or they don't take it seriously, then it has to be pushed further, with the school in the full knowledge that it will be taken further.

Is there anything like a parents' council or something like that that it could be raised with, or where there are stipulated disciplinary guidelines within the school policy tackling this issue?

username123

Lorrs33 wrote: »

I'm going to say it to my brother, but is that really the only option? Like I said, we ALL only see her every Saturday.

I think youre better discussing it with the primary caregivers, in this case the mother and stepfather. They are (presumably) the people involved with the school (in terms of parent teacher meetings etc...) as opposed to a father who only sees the girl once a week? Im not really clear on how he is best placed to assist compared to the people that are directly involved with her schooling and upbringing.

On top of a chat with them, you can also assist your niece more directly by speaking to her about bullying and letting her know that its best to talk to someone about it (like you or anyone else she is comfortable with) and not bottle it up etc.. Maybe also suggesting she takes up something that would improve her self confidence like martial arts or some other group activity that she would be interested in.

Loudova

Hi OP. I'm sure it must be very upsetting to hear about what is happening to your niece at school, however, I don't think the best approach is for you to intervene directly.

You mentioned that your niece's mam already discussed this issue at the school. I assume this meeting was with the head teacher? This was a good start - IMHO, in these situations, the first port of call for primary caregivers should be to request a meeting at the school.

However, since the bullying is still going on, I think they will have to escalate the matter. Perhaps you could suggest that your brother and/or your niece's mother write a letter to the head teacher asking how he/she plans to deal with the problem. You could offer to help them write the letter, which would show them that you're prepared to support them and would also help you feel like you are doing something proactive for your niece.

Once your brother / niece's mam put a complaint in writing the school will surely have to make some sort of response and it will be proof that your family has tried to do something about it if the bullying escalates (but hopefully it won't). It may also make the head teacher think twice before trying to fob you off.

Your niece is very lucky to have you. I hope it all works out!