Missed wkend away: sick: he went

LegacyUser

I met a nice guy 3 months ago. 2 months before I met him I broke up with my long term partner and moved out.

Me and my new guy planned a weekend away and since Wednesday I have been sick with a flu that then developed into a chest infection. I'm on painkillers and antibiotics since yesterday and thought i'd be able to go but I said to him last night that I wasn't 100% and was still coughing and sneezing a lot and pulled a muscle in my back because of the cough. My neck and joints are stiff and I just feel so under the weather.

This morning I woke up feeling terrible still and did not have the strength to get dressed, let alone pack and get a suitcase to the airport. I had to tell him I couldn't go, and it made me so upset because I knew I was hurting him. I am too sick to be boarding a plane and I don't know if they'd even have let me on in this condition. His reaction on the phone was disappointment but he said "get well soon, I'll call you".

But then he sent me a message saying

"Don't worry that you can't come, I'm just glad I met you is all."

So he headed to the airport and went. And I haven't heard from him since..

I don't really know what to do to repair this Can anyone help? I'm 24 by the way.. not terribly experienced in these things..

Miss Fluff

I don't know what there is to repair, he seems to have handled it all maturely and although disappointed he told you not to worry. There's nothing you can do about being sick so stop worrying Send him a nice text and tell him you look forward to when he comes back and that you'll make it up to him.

Kiera

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I don't know what there is to repair, he seems to have handled it all maturely and although disappointed he told you not to worry. There's nothing you can do about being sick so stop worrying Send him a nice text and tell him you look forward to when he comes back and that you'll make it up to him.

I kinda agree with you but what about the part where he says "i'm glad i met you". WTF does that mean? Is he saying: well it was nice knowing you but i'm done here now?

Firetrap

That phrase does sound a bit weird but it could mean anything. Maybe he was happy to be still going on the trip? A weird way of saying he likes you? It's not predictive text gone wrong, is it? Definitely if he does resurface, ask him

Miss Fluff

Kiera wrote: »

I kinda agree with you but what about the part where he says "i'm glad i met you". WTF does that mean? Is he saying: well it was nice knowing you but i'm done here now?

Lolers, maybe I'm a bit thick. I totally took it at face value to mean "I'm so glad I've met you" as opposed to "nice meeting you"....:)

Send him a text and tell him you're missing him and you look forward to seeing him when he's back

Big Bag of Chips

newbutscared wrote: »

"Don't worry that you can't come, I'm just glad I met you is all."

I take that to mean that the weekend away isn't the most important thing in the relationship.. that even though that didn't work it - he's still happy that they are a couple, even if temporarily seperated.

I wouldn't worry too much.

I might be a bit peeved that he went without me, but at the same time why should he miss out, and possibly lose money etc.. ?!

moco

I wouldn't worry if I were you. I wouldn't take the text to mean he thinks you're finished as a couple but it is worded strangely. I'd take it at face value. On an other point, if he would finish with you for missing something because of being genuinely sick, he's not worth your time anyway.

Tigger99

Maybe I'm missing something, but it doesn't seem right to me that he went away without you, especially when you are sick. Did he offer to get any food or medicine in for you, or offer to help?

I am a friend

Did he offer not to go? I dont think he should have forsaken the trip and the cost because you have the flu... Not being smart but its not like you are in hospital.. He did the right thing under the circumstances and I suspect he will be in touch when he gets back.

S23

I don't see what the fuss is. She only met this lad 3 months ago. They are barely going out a wet weekend. They had a tripped planned together and the OP gets a cold and a bit of a chest problem.

So he goes on the trip anyway. Fair enough in my book. I'd hardly expect him to throw how ever many hundred quid down the tubes just because the OP has a cold.

He hasn't acted improperly in going and he certainly hasn't said anything via text that sets off any major alarm bells. I just don't see an issue here. He'll contact you, he's already said so, presumably when he gets back.

I don't see the problem?

Dudess

I'd want him to go - think it's selfish to expect him to stay. OP I get the impression you were saying you'd be going until this morning - and you can hardly expect him to just cancel himself this morning. Even if he got lots of notice, it would be a hell of a sacrifice to just let something he's looked forward to and spent money on go to waste, and all over you having a nasty cold as opposed to a serious illness.
I don't get the concern over the text either - surely it just means he's glad to be with you so don't worry, this hasn't changed anything.
What needs to be repaired OP?

Seems like you've a horrible dose, to be fair - it's obviously not just a run of the mill cold or a bit of a chest problem, and a dose like that can make you feel a bit down. Concentrate on getting better - plenty of rest. And drop him the odd text to see if he's having a good time. When you say you haven't heard from him since, how long has it been? Can't text in the plane.

LegacyUser

I didn't want him to cancel the trip at all. I think I just felt lonely and sad because he is gone on our trip.

I said to him "i'm ruining our trip" and he said "no you're not ruining anything, I understand whatever decision you make" I wouldn't have expected him to drop everything for me really..

@Dudess, you're right I think i'm just feeling down and out with this thing and it's making me over analyse but..

The flight arrived in at 2pm yesterday and I have not heard from him since then. It's 1pm the next day. Maybe I shouldn't expect to hear from him. I don't expect him to call me every minute, he's independent and really not that type of person to keep calling me.

I feel like I have let him down for being so weak and incapable. I think I've damaged our relationship somehow. I hate letting him down because he's so good to me.

On Friday I felt a bit better because of the painkillers and I got really excited thinking I Was getting more well. Then I woke up early the next day feeling worse. It was horrible. And I Was crying because I had no strength. While I'm a little better now, I still wouldn't be able to go over because my chest is still bad and I am quite weak. The doctor said it would take its time and that I am run down.

I feel like I should make it up to him. I've been looking up weekend break deals so I might be able to make it up to him.

LegacyUser

Just read the rest of the replies, and no he didn't offer not to go. Nor did he offer to bring me anything but I wasn't expecting anything either.

I don't think that I would have gone without him but he's the kind of person who's happy enough to travel on his own. I'm just a bit worried I haven't heard from him. The message I sent yesterday to ask him did he arrive safely wasn't delivered.

I did send him a text to say I miss him. His phone is off. So that didn't deliver either.

I am feeling quite guilty.

Dudess

Ah no, you've nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever. You were ill enough to have to go to the doctor, it would be foolish to go on holiday. He may be disappointed, sure, but he'd hardly be pissed at you for getting ill.

Firetrap

Kind of weird though that he hasn't sent a text since If I was in your shoes, I'd not initiate any more contact and see what happens. Don't feel guilty about letting him down. If you're as sick as you've described, you need to concentrate on getting well. If he holds your being sick against you, is he really a keeper?

I am a friend

I agree he should have been in touch since he got back... Maybe he lost his phone?

S23

I am a friend wrote: »

I agree he should have been in touch since he got back... Maybe he lost his phone?

I don't think he's back yet. I think he's still on his weekend away. It wouldn't be unknown for someone to turn their phone off and take a break from the world on their weekend away.

Sephiroth_dude

Don't be so hard on yourself op,these things happen,if he's a decent guy he'll understand,don't over analyse things and don't send anymore txts and see what happens and just concentrate on getting better :-)

I am a friend

Thought he landed back yesterday - sorry read it wrong.

IvyTheTerrible

TBH I wouldn't worry too much that he hasn't texted you, people's phones often don't work abroad.

Kiera

The fact you havent heard anything from him says it all really. You're dying at home and i feel the least he could do is text to make sure you're ok. You are his GF after all. Even if he lost his phone he could still use and payphone or internet cafe to check in and make sure you're not getting any worse.

Firetrap

I agree. I was prepared to cut him some slack when it came to his going off without the OP and the oddly worded message. That he hasn't bothered to make contact since would be a concern. He was, after all, on the trip away that the pair of them were supposed to go on. Unless he's got an ancient phone or never got roaming enabled on his account, it's unlikely his phone's not working. So, unless something happened to him or his phone, I'd be treading carefully.

LegacyUser

His phone mightn't have reception wherever he went - sometimes phones can act up like that. Hope you get better soon. I thought the line "i'm glad i met you" was strange too though.

Dudess

S23 wrote: »

It wouldn't be unknown for someone to turn their phone off and take a break from the world on their weekend away.

if that was their plan in the first place. It's totally unreasonable not to contact his girlfriend who was supposed to be going with him and who is sick and miserable due to missing this holiday.
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt though OP and assume his phone is out of coverage. Check your emails too perhaps?

I don't get it
OP was there any chance at all he could have thought you were making up the illness not to go with him? it would explain his behaviour, and the "nice to have met you" and the "whatever decision you choose to make" stuff?

if he's supposed to be back but still hasn't got in touch, i'd be a bit
i wouldn't say ignore him though, i'd personally be ringing up asking about the trip and saying how come you hadn't contacted me

nowyouresix

OP: If I were you, I'd chalk it down to experience. His "whatever decision you make" remark just concerns me. Bearing in mind, he didn't offer any help to you, knowing how sick you actually were....maybe you have dodged a controlling bullet ... just my opinion!
Get well soon...:)

LegacyUser

OP I have to agree with the others and say it is truly terrible he hasn't contacted you. I know it isn't uncommon for phones not to work abroad or to just turn your phone off, but the fact is, you planned this trip together. You are sick. You have contacted him. It seems to me that he must have been a lot angrier (or maybe disappointment turned into anger?) than he let on. It is natural that he was disappointed but he seems very immature to take this out on you.

He really should have text you, at least, or given you a call. I know if I was on a weekend away I had originally planned to go on with my boyfriend and he got sick, that I wouldmost likely be contacting him the whole time.

OP, I hope you feel better soon. I know it's hard, but try not let this hinder your recuperation.

Dudess

IMO it would be hasty to assume it's over - I really don't see his comment as necessarily indicative of that. Talk to him when he gets back, but don't grovel - you were quite unwell and that is nothing to feel bad about.

_Kaiser_

I've read the whole thread and it's like a game of chinese whispers...

The OP wasn't well enough to go on the trip (which is understandable and fair enough) and the fella told her not to worry, that she wasn't ruining anything, and whatever she decided (whether to go anyway or not) would be fine.

Since he never received the 2 texts the OP subsequently sent I'm going to assume he has a PAYG phone and/or no roaming - side note: I'm constantly amazed at how many adults still use PAYG myself when you can get all sorts of no/minimum commitment contracts that offer better value anyway in many cases.

However, this thread has now spun into an analysis of each word that was exchanged between them and what the "between the lines" meaning might be. Too many American Rom/Sit Coms I think guys

OP: I'm assuming he's back now.. if the messages have since delivered and he hasn't replied or contacted you to see how you are then I think you have your answer I'm afraid but at least give him the benefit of the doubt first!

x Purple Pawprints x

I'd be treading carefully with this one tbh. Fair enough that he went on the trip without her imho but the least he could have done was gotten in contact to see if you were okay OP. I know some people will argue you're only going out 3 months but if you like someone surely you'd check and see if they were feeling better if they were sick the last time you saw them? Those text messages were worded strangely which does concern me a little, but maybe that's the way he texts. OP, have you heard anything since?

Dudess

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

I've read the whole thread and it's like a game of chinese whispers...

The OP wasn't well enough to go on the trip (which is understandable and fair enough) and the fella told her not to worry, that she wasn't ruining anything, and whatever she decided (whether to go anyway or not) would be fine.

Since he never received the 2 texts the OP subsequently sent I'm going to assume he has a PAYG phone and/or no roaming - side note: I'm constantly amazed at how many adults still use PAYG myself when you can get all sorts of no/minimum commitment contracts that offer better value anyway in many cases.

However, this thread has now spun into an analysis of each word that was exchanged between them and what the "between the lines" meaning might be. Too many American Rom/Sit Coms I think guys

OP: I'm assuming he's back now.. if the messages have since delivered and he hasn't replied or contacted you to see how you are then I think you have your answer I'm afraid but at least give him the benefit of the doubt first!

Agreed except for in the third paragraph where you say "Since he never received the 2 texts". We don't know that he didn't receive them, to be fair - but maybe you're right and he didn't. Yep, definitely give him the benefit of the doubt OP, instead of assuming the worst, which is what a lot of people are doing here tbh.

Big Bag of Chips

The OP's last contribution she says her texts didn't deliver..

LegacyUser

Hi all, I got an email off him just there last night. It said his phone isn't working too well so I suppose that's why I haven't heard from him. I wasn't going to bother calling the hotel or anything I just think that might be a little bit overboard since I'm the one who's sick and left behind. Might be a little bit odd too.

This morning I checked my text delivery reports and it said the texts delivered.

So with the email ( I would've preferred a call but anyway) has cleared my mind for now I think. Even though there's the niggling feeling that he'll be unhappy when I see him... But we'll see anyhow.

I still have the idea that he is annoyed/hurt about what happened but I won't know for sure until he gets home (tonight the flight is due in at 11pm).

I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. I'm still sick but getting better so if he rings and wants to come over I would be able to I guess.

Thanks again for the different perspectives. I'm going to see what happens when he gets back and we'll see what the story is....

I am a friend

Ah he couldnt be peeved that you didnt go, could he?

LegacyUser

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

Too many American Rom/Sit Coms I think guys

I don't think so. I've read the thread and I'm as confused as anyone else. I think the fact that the OP seems to be feeling guilty for some very bizarre reason is throwing people off.

I wouldn't be feeling guilty if I were you. You were sick, you couldn't help it. If your boyfriend were using that as a stick to whack you with, I'd get shot of him.

Dodgy connections is the most likely scenario though. I can't imagine a guy who said 'glad to have met you' to be the type to make you feel guilty over something you can't help!

Chinafoot

newbutscared wrote: »

I wasn't going to bother calling the hotel or anything I just think that might be a little bit overboard since I'm the one who's sick and left behind.

OP, on the one hand you're saying how you feel guilty for letting him down, then you make a comment like the above in bold. Are you sure you're not resentful of the fact he went without you?

There's a serious amount of over-analysing here given he only went for a couple of days. Why don't you actually speak to him?

floorpie

His behavior is bizarre, there's no question about it. Saying "I understand whatever decision you make", "I'm just glad i met you" (even at face value...it's not a comforting thing to say when the context is her feeling guilty about not being able to go), not contacting you to see how you are, not offering to bring you anything, all despite you being so sick that you couldn't go on a planned trip. It all comes across as childish and strange on his part.

And the weirdest thing is that you've taken on all the responsibility for it. You're the one that wants to make it up to him, you're the one that feels guilty. It seems like the guilt is completely misplaced, and it sounds like he's probably contributed it to it via the weird texts.

I'm also not sure what the relevance of breaking up with your long term partner is (that kind of stands out in your post too) unless you feel like it's contributing to the situation somehow (causing his indifference or your guilt or something)

LegacyUser

been following this last few days.
you've been together 3 months, he should be contacting to see if you were ok, since you being sick is reason you're not together on trip, dont care if dodgy reception or not. he could pick up a pay phone/ hotel phone and ring and say Hi, are you feeling ok? what an arse is my view.
don't feel guilty about not being able to go but personally i would feel peeved at him going but at same time obv silly losing out after paying for stuff already.

Hope you get sorted but yeh dont over analyse the messages. Just maybe let him know, he could have contacted you more while away .