Really hurt

LegacyUser

Don't know if I'm overreacting but... here goes
Like everyone else life is tough lately, working every hour I can, losing money and trying to do essential work on the house by myself because I cant afford to pay someone to do it for me.
My wife left her email open on the computer and when I went to use it her last sent message was there in front of me. It was to a family member about various things including her life in our house being a nightmare, that it was my fault for working slowly and that I seriously need to 'get the finger out'.
I am not a tradesman so have to go slow if I want to get things right. I was ill earlier this year and still have pain and weakness in my right arm which doesn't help.
I asked her about it and she said it was just slagging and that I was overreacting by being offended.
I feel really bad about it.
What do ye think?

Beruthiel

No Reg Today wrote: »

I feel really bad about it.

Then tell her that. Tell her you feel betrayed.
As a matter of interest, how much has she done to help you with this DIY?

omahaid

I'd stop doing it and tell her to take over and see if she can do it faster. Men aren't born better DIYers compared to women so there's no reason why you should be left to do it all. I'd be very very insulted and hurt by that email tbh.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm with the others, what has she done to help? In my parents house my mam did all the DIY, putting up shelves, wallpapering, painting etc. My Dad did was anything mechanical/plumbing. So yeah women are well able to do DIY, it should be shared equally. I can totally see how you're hurt, I would be too.

Best of luck.

S23

Ask her how she had enough time off from doing the ironing, cleaning and cooking to be sending e-mails? Then tell her to put her knickers back on and make you a cup of tea.

The after she's finished throwing a fit ask her how it feels to be held to some ridiculous gender stereotype.

Being male doesn't make you some DIY supremo. You're perfectly entitled to go at your own pace doing these things in order to make sure they are done properly. Fair play to you for doing them at all. You're working all the hours god sends to make ends meet, coming back to health but not fully recovered after an illness and yet you're still DIY'ing in your spare time.

Your wife is being completely ungrateful in making the comments about you in the first place. They are hurtful and unfair. And on top of that she's being insulting by trying to turn this back on you and telling you that you were overreacting.

I think you need to talk to her to clear the air. Does she really think it's alright to snipe about you behind your back when you've done nothing to warrant it?

Daisy M

Your wife was been disloyal, ask her if its ok in future for you to rant to your family about her through fb messaging.

Fentdog84

Look she's probably just frustrated with the situation. I know it can be a huge inconvenience and frustrating when there are renovations etc going on in the home as it can overtake your personal comfort and space. And its not fair for her to send that email(maybe she wanted you to see it rather than confronting you directly to get the message across). Just point out to her you are doing your best to get things done and things will be back to normal soon, and to try and be more helpful and supportive.

WhyGoBald

OP, I imagine things have been quite stressful in your household with your illness and with the lengthy house repairs. It's possible that your wife is disdainful of you, but I suspect that it more likely that she was simply letting off steam in a safe way in venting to a family member. You need to initiate an honest talk about the stresses of the last few months. You also need to acknowledge that you invaded her privacy, unless you both read each other's email. If you were snooping on her, that's another problem entirely.

Firetrap

While I don't think your wife letting off steam like that was the right thing to do, I wonder how well the pair of you have been communicating over this? Did she have reason to think that either you were swinging the lead or that you weren't taking her concerns on board? I think the best thing you can do is sit down and try to work out a schedule for getting those renovations done. Are there any things that your wife could physically do herself to help speed things up? Does she have any ideas that might help either? Any favours you could call in from relatives or friends?