This type of apology

Tim Robbins

What's the deal with this... Someone does something annoying. You're not really "hurt" by it - as in about to cry or anything. But you're just very annoyed, irate, angered, p*ssed off.

It's something you woudn't do to them and is just a bit of thoughtlessness on their part.

The person goes tries to apologise but you but in a real half baked way - saying things like "No intent to hurt was intended" but doesn't really consider what they did wrong. Sort of "didn't realise you were so sensitive"

So in other words it's like a half hearted apology one that sort of annoys you even more and you'd prefer you never heard. How do you describe this? Insincere, patronising, obnoxious, ignorant? What???

I know this sounds like an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm but dig in and say what you think...

18AD

Tim Robbins wrote: »

So in other words it's like a half hearted apology one that sort of annoys you even more and you'd prefer you never heard. How do you describe this? Insincere, patronising, obnoxious, ignorant? What???

Certainly obnoxious and ignorant/inconsiderate of others perspectives.

But equally often people are too sensitive or read negatively into things.

If it's a recurring situation I'd be inclined to say that the fault lies with you, as much as, if not more, than the other.

Tim Robbins

18AD wrote: »

Certainly obnoxious and ignorant/inconsiderate of others perspectives.

But equally often people are too sensitive or read negatively into things.

If it's a recurring situation I'd be inclined to say that the fault lies with you, as much as, if not more, than the other.

Thank you for the pyscho analysis! I was talking more in general terms.

There are different types of apologies. You not what I mean. Some of brilliant and some are awful. What's the difference and why?

18AD

you're welcome.

That's pretty broad. I mean, there's probably as many types of apology as there are people apologising, and not apologising for that matter.

pajunior

Often the person is trying to say that they are sorry that you're hurt rather then sorry about their actions. There is a definite distinction.

Sleepy

It's an "I don't agree that what I did was a bad thing but I understand you do and would still like to be friends" imho.

The Corinthian

pajunior wrote: »

Often the person is trying to say that they are sorry that you're hurt rather then sorry about their actions. There is a definite distinction.

English is somewhat limited in that there's really only one word for sorry. So when we say "I'm sorry for your loss", it's not the same thing as "I'm sorry for killing your entire family with a waffle-iron". The former is more a show of empathy and regret at the pain of another, while the latter is an admission of guilt and gesture of contrition.

Most other languages have two terms for these two types of "I'm sorry": In Italian they're "mi dispiace" and "mi scusi", respectively. In French they're "je suis désolé" and "excusez-moi". In German; "es tut mir leid" and "entschuldigen".

Because English only really uses the term sorry, we tend to forget that not all sorrys are the same.

HivemindXX

The Corinthian wrote: »

English is somewhat limited in that there's really only one word for sorry.

I think people are quite lazy in their use of English and I agree that 'sorry' get's used for pretty much everything by most people (including me).

However there are other words which can be used:
I regret I injured you.
I'm sorry I injured you.
I apologise for injuring you.

Use of the passive voice is also a good one:
I regret that you were injured in the collision
I'm sorry I hit you with my car

If I was asked to be technical I think when someone simply says "sorry" they mean "I am sorry" which translates roughly as "I am regretful". Despite the common usage as an apology I don't think it technically qualifies as one, meaning there is no acceptance that you did anything wrong to go with the regret.


Since I'm filled with remorse at engaging in this off topic dissection of English I have something for the OP too. I think it's quite common for people to be sorry (meaning regretful) about something that happened while still feeling they were correct. "I'm sorry about our argument, I shouldn't have brought up the Lisbon treaty (but I still think I'm right and you're crazy)". "I'm sorry you're little arm is so sore (but I'm still getting you a tetanus shot every time you cut yourself on rusty metal)". I don't see anything wrong with that at all, in fact it's a good thing. If everyone refused to accept vague expressions of regret about the situation in general and demanded the other party admit they were wrong and apoligised properly when there was a disagreement we wouldn't get very far in life.

The internet is the obvious exception-that-proves-the-rule in this case.

The Corinthian

HivemindXX wrote: »

I regret I injured you.

I'd stupidly forgotten this obvious option. Given this 'regret' is not really used in the same way as "mi dispiace" , "je suis désolé" or "es tut mir leid" are used - certainly not to the same extent. Were one to say "I regret the death of your mother" or "I regret you were ill", you'd probably get some raised eyebrows.