Cheating Boyfriend

Pinkpegs

I dont even know were to start.. im in my mid 20's have being with my partner since early teens, we have 2 beautiful kids.. i heard recently hed slept with prossies:mad:, he denied for a good while n finally caved in, he reckons only a couple of times!! n tat it was a few yrs ago im so annoyed and stressed dont know what to do at all

Bottle_of_Smoke

Just to clarify was this while you were together or not?

I'm male but putting myself in the shoes of a girl I think I'd be sickened if I was with a guy who was ever with a prostitute.

If you were together when it happened then its a no brainer. He cheated and put you at risk for stds. Probably not anything really dangerous as he likely used a condom but you should really get yourself checked for internal genital warts and a smear test.

If it happened before the relationship its not so clear and only really you can decide. Though still get checked for the genital warts and smear.

Pinkpegs

Pinkpegs wrote: »

I dont even know were to start.. im in my mid 20's have being with my partner since early teens, we have 2 beautiful kids.. i heard recently hed slept with prossies:mad:, he denied for a good while n finally caved in, he reckons only a couple of times!! n tat it was a few yrs ago im so annoyed and stressed dont know what to do at all

We were together when it happened, we have being together 9 yrs. I'm totally and utterly shocked and disgusted.

The Lovely Muffin

Sorry to hear OP, awful situation to be in.

If I were in your shoes, I'd dump him.

Not only did he betray your trust, he also put himself and you at the risk of getting STD/STI etc.

Presumably he used condoms with these women? Either way you should get yourself checked out with the Doctor ASAP.

Good luck.

lisapenn

I'm sorry you have to go through this pain, I know, I've been there. If you want to know whether to stay with him or not (big question since you have children together), there are some helpfu lsigns you can look for and see if you can start to trust him again, hope this helps:

How to Regain Trust in a Relationship – Top 5 Signs That You Should Look For Today

1) They cut all contact with their lover
Your cheating partner needs to cut all contact with their lover. This can be difficult if they work together, mix in the same social circles or live next door. However, if you’re going to trust them again you need to know their lover is out of the picture. If they ever contact your partner again you also need an agreement that this goes to you first before they respond back. You must work as a team now and be totally transparent.
2) They show remorse and accept responsibility
You don’t want to hear excuses like “it was an accident”, “all men cheat — it’s what we do!’, or “I don’t know why it happened?” Nor do you want them to tell you that it was nothing and to downplay it all. Instead, they must show you real pain and remorse for their actions and take full responsibility for their bad choices. If they don’t, then you’ll simply keep your guard up because everything indicates that they’ll do it again.
3) They answer your questions
Most people who have been cheated on will have specific questions they need answered. You’ll have graphic images running around your head that never stop, and you’ll obsess about what exactly happened. You must be able to ask your questions — however graphic &3151 to get the pieces of the puzzle. If they aren’t prepared to answer these questions or they give you vague responses then you’ll suspect they’re hiding something and you’ll never move forward.
4) They follow new rules
To move forward with trusting your partner again they’re going to need to follow some of your new specific rules. It might be that they take off all passwords from their cell phone and computer, show you weekly bank statements and monthly phone bills, or come home from work at 6pm every night. They might need to ring you twice a day, stop work travel, or cut off contact with toxic friends. Whatever the rules, your partner needs to make these a priority.
5) They address relationship issues
If they manage to get this far and show you all of these signs, then it’s time for you both to turn your attention to your relationship. There will be aspects of this that aren’t working and you’ll both need to give this an overhaul. In the end, your relationship must be different moving forward if you’re going to survive. Look at the areas of communication, sex, time spent together, socializing, parenting, finances, housework and in-laws. Get in a professional if you have to, but make sure that these problem areas don’t remain obstacles to re-building trust. The original article is here.

fungun

Is yours a healthy reln apart from this? How did you feel about your reln and how do you feel about it now?
Do you want to make it work?

Ickle Magoo

For anyone who doesn't know reln = relationship.

Could posters avoid using text-speak and abbreviations on this forum please, so all can understand the advice being given.

Many thanks.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I understand that you have two kids but if it was me I'd be gone from his life completely. If he had fallen in love with someone and cheated MAYBE I could forgive and get over it (doubt it though). The fact he went out and paid for prostitute would be 100% deal breaker. There is just no way I could ever be with a man who'd been with a prostitute in his life, even if he wasn't with me at the time. I think it's about the most disgusting thing a man can do short of paedophilia, the ability to demean a woman and reduce her to nothing but a sex object would repulse me in a man, so yeah a definite deal breaker for me. Add to that the fact he has opened your marriage up to a world of STI/STDs well that's just the cherry on top. I really can say hands down OP, I'd be gone. As another poster says get yourself checked and if it was before your kids were born get them checked too in case you passed it to them.

Whatever you decide the very best of luck.

curlzy

thanks Ickle, didn't know how to fix that.

Zen65

Pinkpegs wrote: »

he denied for a good while n finally caved in, he reckons only a couple of times!!

Did he explain why this happened? What was happening in your lives at the time? Is there a reason to believe he won't do this again in the future? This action on his part was not a simple lapse of judgement but had to be somewhat pre-meditated, so there would need to be a credible explanation for it which would somehow give you cause for confidence, don't you think?

Be at peace,

Z