When to Talk to Girls about Puberty??

mky17

Hi all,

When do you give the talk about puberty? - i mean body changes / Period NOT SEX

My little girl is 8 and Hair on Vagina/legs and breast buds starting......yikes

HELP

Thanks again

silly

mky17 wrote: »

Hi all,

When do you give the talk about puberty? - i mean body changes / Period NOT SEX

My little girl is 8 and Hair on Vagina/legs and breast buds starting......yikes

HELP

Thanks again

Hi there.
I think it all depends on the child in question.
At 8 I think you can just explain to her that the hair growth and boobs are all part of growing up for girls.
It's not likely she will be getting her period for another 2+ years ( and that's if it comes extremely early!) so I wouldn't be going into that just yet.

My daughter is 10. And I got a booklet from the health board. So a few months ago we went through the changes a girls body makes and about periods.
Didn't go as far as the sex bit yet.
Will leave that until she is 12 maybe?

Morag

Ideally you should talk about the changes before they happen, it's normal and how a girl grows into being a woman. If the changes have started then you need to inform her and reassure her that it' normal and as she's started at such a young age she could get her period sooner then you'd like, some girls start at the age of 9/10.

http://www.kotex.com/na/articles-info/first-period-qa/10301

Q. When will I get my first period? A. Most girls get their first period between the ages of 9 and 16. It follows the development of breasts, hips, waist, pubic hair and a growth spurt. As a rule of thumb, most girls weigh at least 100 pounds before beginning menstruation. If you’ve gone through most of those changes, your first period is on its way. Genetics also plays a role. If possible, find out when your mom got her first period to get an estimate of when yours may arrive.

LegacyUser

I have talked to my 7 year old about this at random times since she was 6. Purely because she asked me what the bins were for in the ladies toilets...and my opinion is if she's old enough to ask then I'm not going to lie to her or tell her to wait til she's older.

So since she was 6 she knows that a while before a girl or boy becomes a teenager their body starts to slowly change. I explained this is how her body as a child eventually becomes like mine as an adult. I told her about periods, and about eggs and ovaries in women and she understands this as I am pregnant and it has been on her mind alot so she asks more questions about it. I have told her where a baby comes out when its being born...she didnt think it weird or anything, it makes sense I guess...I think she was finally happy to have an answer to that one as she said to me she had always wondered how it got out when it was ready.

I also explained to her about what happens to boys during puberty & she understands why boys have testicles (for the sperm) and all the changes (voice deepening, sweat glands, hair etc) boys go through as well.

I have not told her the details about how babies are made, I will as soon as I think all the above information has become normal to her...and that is the reason I told her the facts about puberty, because it is perfectly normal and not something to be joked about or ashamed of.

I told her a baby is made when a man & a woman love each other and decide they want to make a child. She knows a child is made from a womans egg & a mans sperm...she has asked how they 'meet' but I said she has to go through puberty first to understand that bit, I will tell her all, honestly & openly then.
She did press on about how they 'meet' for a while afterwards but I think the fact she had so much more information on puberty now that she is content with that much information so far.

I think its not a good idea to let a child grow up with a stigma attached to puberty and all things sex releated. Dont lie to her, but you dont have to tell her the details about intercourse until you know she's mature enough. I have told my girl that it is a special connection between a man & a woman in love, and its like a special hug. This was she is not going to think its the weirdest thing in the world when she actually finds out...and believe me she will be hearing all sorts of crap from other kids in school, so she may as well have knowledge of the subject before she hears from kids who have to try put two and two together to get answers (& get it totally wrong!).

I have also explained to her that its up to each parent when to tell their child about puberty etc. so she knows she is not to go spread the word to other kids who havent been told yet. She is a good kid & has kept the information to herself...this is mainly because I know alot of the types of parents at her school & know I'd be getting a phone call about it if she did go telling everyone....which is terrible in a way as I see all this as completely natural but I know alot of parents see it as being 'dirty' or something to talk openly about it.

I was brought up thinking there was something wrong with me when I hit puberty...I didnt know what was going on and was never told honestly what would happen to me...I heard alot of things in school & most of it scared me....I wish my parents were more open to me when I was a child.

cynder

All of 5th and 6th classes know about sex, all of them not talking about it till their 12 is a bit late.

I got my lady a book when she was 9 called what's happening to me and that answered all of her questions, the reason a girl has her period is to get her body ready for having a baby when she is older. Also I would prefer my child to have the correct info instead of playground rumours. They get shown a sex ed video in 6th, don't leave your child to find out all the info from school.

mky17

grindelwald wrote: »

All of 5th and 6th classes know about sex, all of them not talking about it till their 12 is a bit late.

I got my lady a book when she was 9 called what's happening to me and that answered all of her questions, the reason a girl has her period is to get her body ready for having a baby when she is older. Also I would prefer my child to have the correct info instead of playground rumours. They get shown a sex ed video in 6th, don't leave your child to find out all the info from school.

Yeah but she is only in 2nd Class!! surely thats too young....dont know if she could grasp periods etc...

Squiggler

If you don't talk to her it will make the whole experience more traumatic for her though. I know first hand how terrifying it is to go through puberty with zero parental information.

My Mum seemed to decide in her head that it just wasn't happening. When I got my first period I had to borrow money from a teacher in school to buy sanitary pads. Even after that my Mum refused to believe I needed them until I showed her a used pad :eek:

While I don't agree with semi-develped teens in padded bras I was a fully developed 34DD before my Mum would conceed that I actually needed a bra. Head firmly buried in sand. :rolleyes:

I know 8 must seem very young, but don't leave her to find these things out from other people.

cynder

mky17 wrote: »

Yeah but she is only in 2nd Class!! surely thats too young....dont know if she could grasp periods etc...

I know a young girl who started her periods at 9 she was told the truth about them, however she was philipino and its comon for people from that side of the world to mature quicker than us europeans, around 10 is a good age but leaving it to 12 is IMO a bit late.


You say she is developing already, since she is only 8 why not talk to your gp, if she is in puberty they can give medication to prevent anything happening for another few years. She really needs to know what is happening to her before periods start not after, there are many cases where girls have thought they were bleeding to death because no one told them. I've hardly ever hear of a 8 year old getting pubic and underarm hair, that normally does not happen till 11, 12 or 13.

A quick hormone test would confirm if she is going through puberty, if she is she needs to know, if she isn't you can leave it for a little longer.

silly

grindelwald wrote: »

mky17 wrote: »

Yeah but she is only in 2nd Class!! surely thats too young....dont know if she could grasp periods etc...

I know a young girl who started her periods at 9 she was told the truth about them, however she was philipino and its comon for people from that side of the world to mature quicker than us europeans, around 10 is a good age but leaving it to 12 is IMO a bit late.


You say she is developing already, since she is only 8 why not talk to your gp, if she is in puberty they can give medication to prevent anything happening for another few years. She really needs to know what is happening to her before periods start not after, there are many cases where girls have thought they were bleeding to death because no one told them. I've hardly ever hear of a 8 year old getting pubic and underarm hair, that normally does not happen till 11, 12 or 13.

A quick hormone test would confirm if she is going through puberty, if she is she needs to know, if she isn't you can leave it for a little longer.

Cam I just confirm that I think aged 12 is the best time to talk about sex.
But alot earlier 9/10 to talk about periods etc.

LadyMayBelle

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Started-Yet-straight/dp/0230744907

We found this book fantastic for my sister who is ten and a little naive in a way. Really gentle and talks about the changes more so than sex, but has scope there for ye to chat depending on her capacity and questioning.

Kids are developing earlier these days so I do think it is worth having a chat

littlebug

I intend having a chat with my 9 year sometime in the next 6 months before she hits 10. If I see any changes happening sooner than that then I'll fast forward.
I think 8/9 year olds are more clued in that you'd think. I remember knowing a lot at that age from living on farm and seeing how it all worked with animals, and it's amazing what you could learn from the problem pages of Woman's Own.. even 30+ years ago
We have a pregnant fish and heard my 9 year tell her brother that it was the boy fish that made the girl fish pregnant. She made that leap from knowing that boy dogs make girl dogs pregnant.. not difficult to think then in terms of what happens with humans then really so I think it's important to give the right information once they start getting curious.
Although... today she said to me "mammy will you explain to (younger brother) what S-E-X is?" :eek: Emmmm...:o I asked where they'd heard it to get context to the question and it was the song "My sex is on fire" which had been on the radio.... I'm not sure I understand that one myself I'm afraid I fudged the answer... if it had just been my daughter I would have asked what she thought it was and taken it from there but the little fella is too young.

January

grindelwald wrote: »

I know a young girl who started her periods at 9 she was told the truth about them, however she was philipino and its comon for people from that side of the world to mature quicker than us europeans, around 10 is a good age but leaving it to 12 is IMO a bit late.


You say she is developing already, since she is only 8 why not talk to your gp, if she is in puberty they can give medication to prevent anything happening for another few years. She really needs to know what is happening to her before periods start not after, there are many cases where girls have thought they were bleeding to death because no one told them. I've hardly ever hear of a 8 year old getting pubic and underarm hair, that normally does not happen till 11, 12 or 13.

A quick hormone test would confirm if she is going through puberty, if she is she needs to know, if she isn't you can leave it for a little longer.

What other way but the truth would you think telling a little girl her periods are for? How do you possibly explain why she bleeds every month?

Also, every body is different, I don't think 8 is too young to start puberty, periods could still be a year or two away so I don't think medication is the way to go either.

grindelwald

grindelwald wrote: »

I've hardly ever hear of a 8 year old getting pubic and underarm hair, that normally does not happen till 11, 12 or 13.

Not a parent here, and I don't mean to be critical, but I began to get pubic hair around 8 (for some reason it came before noticeable underarm/leg hair). Normal is a relative term.

I got my period at 11 and it was terrifying. Because my mum had never talked to me about it I was too scared to tell her and had to go out being a caddy for my aunty for a round of golf. Turns out I happen to get excruciating periods, which have on occasion caused me to faint. Spending that day, 11 years old, pants stuffed with tissue, pain searing through my body, scared to death, having to carry around a bag of golf clubs, I dearly wish someone had talked to me earlier.

In my opinion the risks of talking to her about it too early are nothing compared to the risks of talking to her about it too late.

Normal is entirely a relative term.
8 is a very good age to sit her down and talk to her about it.

And no, I don't think you should pump her full of meds so you can live in some world where she's still a baby

I think waverly's post is a good one

Orion

grindelwald wrote: »

since she is only 8 why not talk to your gp, if she is in puberty they can give medication to prevent anything happening for another few years.

Are you serious? Medicate a child to prevent something natural in order to delay the inevitable? I despair for a society that this is even an option in.

January

Orion wrote: »

Are you serious? Medicate a child to prevent something natural in order to delay the inevitable? I despair for a society that this is even an option in.

I doubt any good GP/doctor would even think about doing it. Delaying the inevitable could lead to the inevitable never happening... delay in pubertal development can lead to periods never starting anyway.

ash23

My daughter began getting very fine underarms hair and budding breasts this year and she's 8.
I'd always talked to her about periods because she'd seen me dealing with them (she doesn't seem to know what the door on the bathroom is for :rolleyes:) but we had a proper chat about it over the summer. We got a book and I explained all the changes about puberty and periods but we didn't get to the sex part.
However this year when she started 3rd class there was a lot of talk about sex and penises etc. So we sat and had a chat and I explained sex to her because I'd rather she knew the facts and not the rumours.

She was a bit :eek: at first but she accepted it all and that was the end of that. She hasn't asked anything in a while but I'm sure there'll be more chats as she gets older. Well, I really hope so because I want her to come to me about boys and sex and everything.

ETA: I also told her she wasn't to tell other kids because it's up to each parent as to when they tell their kids and as far as I know, she's said nothing to the others. i've had no irate phonecalls from anyone anyway!

cbyrd

My eldest girl got her first period aged around 11 but there was discharge every month for about a year as her body got ready... you can put it in simple terms that an 8 year old will grasp... 'every month a woman bleeds for a couple of days, because she doesn't have a baby in her tummy... when she has a baby in there the blood is used to grow the baby'....it's how i put it to my girls.
They started by asking what my tampons were..over time they start getting curious and if you come across as reluctant to talk about it, they may go elsewhere for information that could be unreliable. you don't have to make a big deal out of it and make it scary.. but the sooner you introduce the subject the easier it is to follow on with more information..;)

cynder

got my period at 11, not early. 8 is a bit early and yes it can be medicated, same as a 3 year old whos is going through puberty. Thankfully my 12 year old has not matured as quick as i did. TBH there are only a few small reasons a child of 8 would have breasts i they are over weight, (all fat kids have breast even males) the other would be the early onset of puberty, I have never know anyone who got pubic hair at 8 NO ONE, even at 11 i only had a small bit, didnt have boobs even at 18 i was still a 32b,.... lucky me that i was skinny and not hairy.

cynder

Orion wrote: »

Are you serious? Medicate a child to prevent something natural in order to delay the inevitable? I despair for a society that this is even an option in.

Have you ever seen a 3 year old needing towels, while everyone else is playing with their doll she is bleeding, nothing normal about let them be a child for a while longer. 8 would be boarder line.

plenty of girls each year when they display early signs of puberty, some are still in nappies others are a little older. ok this girl is 8 and hasnt started yet but you would be ok with a 6 month old baby girl bleeding for a week every month? it is inevitable but they also need a childhood.

cynder

mky17 wrote: »

Yeah but she is only in 2nd Class!! surely thats too young....dont know if she could grasp periods etc...

January wrote: »

What other way but the truth would you think telling a little girl her periods are for? How do you possibly explain why she bleeds every month?

.

January the mky17 asked me the question above, so i said what i said, i was only answering the question i was asked..........whats the problem?

grindelwald

grindelwald wrote: »

got my period at 11, not early. 8 is a bit early and yes it can be medicated, same as a 3 year old whos is going through puberty. Thankfully my 12 year old has not matured as quick as i did. TBH there are only a few small reasons a child of 8 would have breasts i they are over weight, (all fat kids have breast even males) the other would be the early onset of puberty, I have never know anyone who got pubic hair at 8 NO ONE, even at 11 i only had a small bit, didnt have boobs even at 18 i was still a 32b,.... lucky me that i was skinny and not hairy.

Just because you didn't, doesn't mean nobody else did. You do realise we all develop at different rates, yes?
And nobody is talking about 3 year olds for goodness' sakes

cynder

well the statement made was a general statement, it went for any age group saying. and i know everyone is different, (thats not rocket science) however the age for Europeans hitting puberty is higher than other cultures. 8 maybe common for Filipinos but not that common for Europeans, hence the term precocious puberty.

Lola92

grindelwald wrote: »

Have you ever seen a 3 year old needing towels, while everyone else is playing with their doll she is bleeding, nothing normal about let them be a child for a while longer. 8 would be boarder line.

plenty of girls each year when they display early signs of puberty, some are still in nappies others are a little older. ok this girl is 8 and hasnt started yet but you would be ok with a 6 month old baby girl bleeding for a week every month? it is inevitable but they also need a childhood.

Grindelwald there is a massive difference between a 6month old BABY/ 3 year old and a 8/9 year old heading towards puberty! I had a friend in school who got her period when she had just turned 10, I never got mine until I was 13, I know another girl who only started at 16! Everyone is different and their bodies develop at different rates, that is not to say one person is normal and another is abnormal!

Just because an 8/9 year old is showing signs of puberty that does not mean they are any less a child. IMO they should be able to deal with it and have been given the knowledge about it by there parents and not just hide away the inevitable (while possibly doing untold damage!) with medication!

January

bluewolf wrote: »

Just because you didn't, doesn't mean nobody else did. You do realise we all develop at different rates, yes?
And nobody is talking about 3 year olds for goodness' sakes

This!

We're talking about an 8 year old, not a 3 year old or a six month old for that matter. A doctor would not recommend hormone treatment to stop puberty for an eight year old girl, and if they did I'd seriously be questioning their practices.

Frankly, grindlewald, I'm getting a bit sick of all the scaremongering you're bringing to this forum, if it's not the thread about bed times, it's this one. You seem to always find a way to put the worst possible scenario into the thread when most of the time, it's the furthest thing away from what could happen. If you keep it up, you will be taking a break from this forum.

ash23

grindelwald wrote: »

got my period at 11, not early. 8 is a bit early and yes it can be medicated, same as a 3 year old whos is going through puberty. Thankfully my 12 year old has not matured as quick as i did. TBH there are only a few small reasons a child of 8 would have breasts i they are over weight, (all fat kids have breast even males) the other would be the early onset of puberty, I have never know anyone who got pubic hair at 8 NO ONE, even at 11 i only had a small bit, didnt have boobs even at 18 i was still a 32b,.... lucky me that i was skinny and not hairy.

You do realise you and your daughter aren't representative of the entire population? Some kids mature earlier than others. My neightbour hasnt see n my daughter since summer(they were away) and actually didn't recognise her because "she's so grown up looking". She is definitely getting breasts.\it's not fat. it's breast tissue. She had breast pain during the summer. She has had to start wearing deoderant on hot days and PE days. I haven't checked her pubic hair but she has begun getting fine underarm hair.
As per the book we read it can take 1 to 2 years from the time they start displaying changes to the time they get thir period so she will probably be 10 or 11 when she gets them but if it happens earlier then it happens and it would be slightly early but not necessary to interfere with the process.
Puberty isn't all about periods. there are other things which need to be explained. Mood swings, spots, physical attraction to others etc.

cynder

precocious puberty is 8 and under, normal puberty is 9 and over, i told the person to go to the gp if they have any concerns, I also KNOW and have said that every one is different you all gave examples of your kids or yourselves, i feel you are all baring grudges for different threads and if you continue to bully me in this parenting forum i will be making an official complaint. we are all entitle to our opinion mine is an 8 year old going through puberty is boarder line precocious puberty, and if the parent is concerned to take the child to see their GP.

Orion

Make your complaint if you wish. You have been warned now to stop with your scaremongering which is prevalent in your posts. There is no bullying going on. Anyone making similar posts would get the exact same treatment - in fact some people have.

If you have a further problem with moderation pm any of us or make an 'official complaint' as you say. But if you question moderation on thread again it's an instant time out for you.

Any further off topic posts on this thread will be infracted and deleted.

Morag

mky17 wrote: »

My little girl is 8 and Hair on Vagina/legs and breast buds starting......yikes

Just one thing, no one gets hair on or on their vagina.
The vagina is the internal channel also called the birth canal.
The external structure of the female genitals is the vulva.

I know lots of people get them mixed up and for some reason we don't use vulva when we should, just I know a kid who wasn't taught the term Vulva and then complained to a teacher that another kid had poke her in her vagina, when they had been innocently playing and pushing and tickling each other. Needless to say the uproar and investigation which followed was something else, and mostly cos the poor child had used the wrong word.

up for anything

I always answer questions my children ask about sex and puberty as honestly as I can. The only one I shied away from was my daughter asking me what a cocksucker was after a babysitter let her sit up and watch Team America with her. I couldn't bring myself to answer that one.

When she was 11 we went through the whole periods, sex and pregnancy thing again in more detail and afterwards while I was driving her to a music lesson she asked if the next time her father and I had sex could she watch so she could see how it was done as she wasn't quite clear on the details. Almost immediately, before I could come up with an answer, she then said that no, she didn't think think she'd like to after all. It would be icky. I loved the innocence of it. :pac:

January

My nearly three year old asked why I needed an injection in the doctors the other day... I explained to her what it was for (I was having depo provera) in a way she would understand. She went around telling everyone that "mammy got a jection to stop the babies coming from her tummy" :eek: But I was still glad I explained it to her. You have to explain things in an age appropriate manner.

Be||e

up for anything wrote: »

while I was driving her to a music lesson she asked if the next time her father and I had sex could she watch so she could see how it was done as she wasn't quite clear on the details. Almost immediately, before I could come up with an answer, she then said that no, she didn't think think she'd like to after all. It would be icky. I loved the innocence of it. :pac:

Ha ha! I wonder if she'll remember that one when she's older... *cringe* :P

My parents told me about sex when I was pretty young - about 6 or 7 I think. I wasn't traumatised or ever felt afterwards that I'd "lost my innocence" too early. I think it's better to be open and honest, rather than avoiding the issue when it comes up.

Better kids hear about it from their parents, than in the school yard.

Ickle Magoo

mky17 wrote: »

Yeah but she is only in 2nd Class!! surely thats too young....dont know if she could grasp periods etc...

I bet she could - my periods started at nine and I wasn't that far infront of several of my friends.

TBH, I don't think there is a specific date/age that sex education and talks about periods should suddenly start - it should be gradual process filling in the blanks in an age-appropriate manner as your child gets older and starts asking questions about bodies and sex. I don't remember ever not knowing about periods and sex, I asked questions/things were explained when my mum was buying tampons, a friend's mum was pregnant, we visited a farm and the cows were giving each other piggy backs, etc, etc, as we went along.

If your child is starting to show signs of puberty and natural curiosity hasn't broached the issue, then perhaps get an age appropriate book and read it together, answering any questions she may have as you go?

up for anything

Be||e wrote: »

Ha ha! I wonder if she'll remember that one when she's older... *cringe* :P

She is older now and hates me recounting that story. She'd murder me if she knew I'd posted it. :D

mky17

Thanks for all the replies! - I have spoken to her in a simlple way about becoming a woman! and what changes are happening now and what will happen and also to boys during puberty and touched on periods slightly just in case somethings happens and told her that all these other changes will happen first and then we will speak more on periods then! Hopefully she wont go telling all at school!

Thanks again all

She took to it very well.....i think