The age old question!

judgefudge

Do you think its possible to stay friends with an ex? I know this might get some 'depends on the situation' answers so heres my situation:

Was seeing this guy for maybe 3 months... I had just come out of a long term thing when I met him so it was quite casual from my side. I get the impression he was more serious about it than I was. I wouldn't say I ever strung him along but I certainly looking back could have put more effort in. Anyway he ended it after 3 months saying we were more suited to be friends.

So we run in the same circles of friends and although I could avoid him easily enough I genuinely think he is a sweet guy and miss hanging out with him.

However! I've never bothered to try being friends with any other exes and I'm worried that I won't know how to be just a friend with him. I don't know whether its possible to put that idea of 'what if' out of the back of my head, considering nothing major happened to cause the break up. I didn't know him before we dated so its not like we used to be friends.

Just wondering if anyone has been in this position before and did it work out?

ILikeBananas

I think the chances of staying friends with an ex are inversely proportional to how serious the relationship was. If one person was more into it than the other then it'll probably be harder for that person to see the other entering into new relationships.

OkayWhatever

No.

A0

No and there's no point really. You can still talk to an ex but friendship won't work.

I am a friend

People make such big deals about ex's... So what you went out with him for a few months - ye weren't married with kids. The relationship fizzled out and neither of ye have feelings for the other one so why not just be friendly when ye do meet. It would take more energy to avoid him.

Peanut2011

I am a friend wrote: »

The relationship fizzled out and neither of ye have feelings for the other one so why not just be friendly when ye do meet.

That is assuming that the other person has no feelings for you anymore just cos you don't.

I personally do not believe in keeping ex as a friend. Ex is called ex for a reason and should be left there.

Ickle Magoo

Yep - definitely possible to be friends with ex's...as long as neither of you have any romantic interest in the other. If you ended it and he was more serious than you then chances are that isn't going to be the case here.

All the best

Abrean

No, I don't think so. What would be the point, he's your ex, by all means be friendly if you have to see him but that's where it should end. An ex is an ex for a reason, it's the past, don't make it your present and future. It wouldn't be fair on either of you.

I am a friend

Peanut2011 wrote: »

That is assuming that the other person has no feelings for you anymore just cos you don't.

I personally do not believe in keeping ex as a friend. Ex is called ex for a reason and should be left there.

He finished with her so he has no interest....

I think the whole 'ex is an ex for a reason' theory to be quite immature unless obviously someone has treated you like [EMAIL="cr@p"]cr@p[/EMAIL].

Surely you should like the person before they become a bf or gf so if ye just grow apart, then the 'like' should still be there.

curlzy

I also don't hold with the mantra "an ex is an ex for a reason" when applied incorrectly. It's really only makes sense when the question is "should I get back with my ex even though neither of us have changed?", then yeah that mantra is applicable. In this case the reason he's an ex is "because they were more suited as friends" therefore why shouldn't they be friends?

So yeah OP, be friends with him. In my group of friends plenty of people are friends with their exes, as long as no one is holding out for reconsiliation then it will work out fine.

Best of luck

judgefudge

Thanks for the replies guys!

Yeah I can see where some people are coming from. He ended it but it was a more of a bad timing situation, there wasn't really a definitive reason. We just werent looking for the same things. Thats what makes me wonder about if its possible to be friends. I'm worried that in a few months time if I feel more ready for a relationship I might start pining for him and stuff. But at the same time he's a cool guy and I don't particularly want to lose contact with him. He's adamant he wants to stay friends by the way, in fact it was the reason he ended it (apparently) as he thought it would be too difficult to stay friends long term if we stayed together for another while.

rediguana25

judgefudge wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys!

Yeah I can see where some people are coming from. He ended it but it was a more of a bad timing situation, there wasn't really a definitive reason. We just werent looking for the same things. Thats what makes me wonder about if its possible to be friends. I'm worried that in a few months time if I feel more ready for a relationship I might start pining for him and stuff. But at the same time he's a cool guy and I don't particularly want to lose contact with him. He's adamant he wants to stay friends by the way, in fact it was the reason he ended it (apparently) as he thought it would be too difficult to stay friends long term if we stayed together for another while.

I don't see the problem with being friends with an ex once you're both mature enough to be honest about your feelings in this case you both just want to be friends nothing more- I have developed amazing friendships with a few exes. The thing is, you both would really need to be honest and I'm just wondering was that just a line from your ex that he wanted to break up because if you stayed together it would make it too difficult to be friends.....I can't imagine breaking up with someone because it would ruin a potential friendship in the future..especially since you weren't friends beforehand. Just sayin'

killer kilbane

Stay friends what harm will it do as long as ye both know where ye stand. I would be friends if ye can work than be nothing at all, rather than ignore eachother any time ye see eachother.

STIG83

I would talk to most of my exes, if i saw them out i would stop and have a chat.

judgefudge

Thanks guys! Just to clarify, it's not a case of me blanking him, I would never do that. The question is whether we can actually be friends... I'm sure we will be friendly acquaintances no matter what but is it possible to be real friends with an ex.

Also it may be a line I'm not sure. He said he felt we were supposed to be friends and if we'd carried on any longer that would have been hard to do.