Lets Be Friends

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one, a little anonymity is welcome. So for the last six weeks I've been dating this guy, both of us enjoying one another's company, all appears to be going well and starting to loose myself in the dream of the future.

The last week we've both been really busy with work and haven't seen each other much (we're not joined at the hip, and we're fairly independent people) so honestly it didn't bother me that much.

Anyway I digress, last night I text him to see if he was around for dinner tonight and he said he wasn't and he was super busy this week, and even though I was disappointed I am mad busy this week too. I suggested that I would reschedule my Monday/ Tuesday to free up an evening for us before I head out of the country for work.

This morning sitting in the office I got a text which said 'I care for you more as a friend' and 'I'd like to give friends a go if your up for that' ... nice and all as the message is it was a little out of left field I thought things were going well ...

My question is, what's an appropriate response, honestly he is a nice guy, but friends, I'm sorry I've plenty of those thanks, and if you want to fly the coop you need to let go with both hands comes to mind ... seems like an over reaction to be but I'm stick of the let's be friends line being thrown around - seems like I should be walking around with a sash reading 'Worlds Greatest Friend', given my recent luck ... anyway advice, opinions, tips etc. appreciated

Moon Indigo

Think it totally depends on yourself. If it were me and I really thought I felt something it would take more than a text to get rid of me! So many things could be going on as you said you haven't seen each other for a while so maybe he somehow got the impression that you weren't into him?
I'd probably arrange to meet up and clear it up once and for all then take it from there. After that its really up to you if can a) handle just being friends
or b) really want to settle for that.

It seems odd texting like that so I would say something else is going on especially if there was no previous signs he wasn't as into things as you. Be cool and casual drop a text saying maybe we could meet and take it from that point. Hope that helps

stephen_n

I'd say your first response is on the money tbh, you would be the best judge of your own character but the question you need to ask yourself is what would you gain because I would imagine you would pay a high price for maintaing a friendship with someone you want more with!

Captain Graphite

So effectively he's dumped you by text message. Regardless of how "nice" he is, he obviously doesn't respect you or care about you that much if he's willing to do that. He could have at least told you this in person. You don't need that kind of person as a friend.

ongarboy

Moon Indigo wrote: »

Think it totally depends on yourself. If it were me and I really thought I felt something it would take more than a text to get rid of me! So many things could be going on as you said you haven't seen each other for a while so maybe he somehow got the impression that you weren't into him?
I'd probably arrange to meet up and clear it up once and for all then take it from there. After that its really up to you if can a) handle just being friends
or b) really want to settle for that.

It seems odd texting like that so I would say something else is going on especially if there was no previous signs he wasn't as into things as you. Be cool and casual drop a text saying maybe we could meet and take it from that point. Hope that helps

I'm not sure it's worth pursuing, though. If the other guy felt a spark or had remotely mutual feelings as OP, the last thing he would have done was try and discourage the relationship from blossoming. He probably does like you as a person, hence the remain friends request but that probably can't happen now as you have non platonic feelings for him so it's not like for like. There has possibly been enough opportunities in the first 6 weeks to test the waters and the other guy has now made up his mind. He should have said this to you face to face or at least a phone call so that was fairly poor on his part (and could have been his chickening out)


Saying that, if OP does want closure, maybe one last meeting or conversation will allow that. Don't expect him to change his mind though.

Dwn Wth Vwls

Keep it simple. "Sorry, I like you as more than a friend, so I don't think it would work."

LegacyUser

hey OP,
To be honest if you are not friends before you started dating it's very hard to be friends now. He's just being a coward with a "I'll soften the blow of MY rejection with a lets be friends text". In my experience even friendships that were strong before are not the same after.

Tell him no thanks and cut him out, better off. he wouldn't even say it to your face. What does that say about him. better off finding out he's a dlck sooner than later. : )

azezil

I would just reply with, 'sure, no worries' and just never bother contacting him again. All this telling him off lark just makes you look needy and tad psychotic IMO.

anotherlostie

Personally if I'd just met someone, I'd not consider it dating until we agreed that was what we were doing. I'd prefer to say I was enjoying someone's company and 6 weeks would seem a good time to decide what it is you want to do.

I've said before on this board that there are guys out there (not saying OP is one) who give out about not having many gay friends and my deduction is that's because they want to sleep with everyone they meet rather than explore friendships. If your situation happened to me and the guy wanted to be mates, I think I'd live with that if I liked him unless my stomach did somersaults every time I saw him.

Edit: And maybe it's because I'm in my 30s, 6 weeks doesn't seem like a long time

Conor30

azezil wrote: »

I would just reply with, 'sure, no worries' and just never bother contacting him again.

Me too.

@ the OP. If you weren't already friends before dating, it's unlikely you'll be now, especially where there are feelings involved on one side (yours). If he'd more respect and maturity, he'd have said it to you in person rather than by text. Maybe he's very young, is he?

Having said that, if you would still like to be friends with him and feel you could manage that, then why not?

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Thanks for the input and advice, having thought it over in the last few days (and listening to your input) I decided against being friends, ultimately it was the text message that made the decision for me, had he had enough respect for me to say it over a coffee or whatever yeah sure why not!

Thanks once again all, your input helped :-)

brokenice

WorldsGreatestFriend wrote: »

Hi All,

Thanks for the input and advice, having thought it over in the last few days (and listening to your input) I decided against being friends, ultimately it was the text message that made the decision for me, had he had enough respect for me to say it over a coffee or whatever yeah sure why not!

Thanks once again all, your input helped :-)

excellent stuff! good for you! texts! pffft! bull****! He sounds like a boy...you need a man!:pac: