Dilemma

DubArk

I was at party about 20 months ago and this young guy started speaking to me. His parents are good mates with certain members of my family. He had a few jars on board and seemed very upset.

He confided in me that he was gay and had always known he was and was deeply unhappy and that he knew his father would reject him, stating that, I didn’t know how deeply his father hated Gays. I was somewhat surprised but he assured me that he really hated gays!!! I have been in his fathers company on many an occasion and never picked up this vibe but I’m sure the guy knows his own father.

He asked for my advice: My advice was for him to get the hell out of this country and find himself first. He did, immigrating to Australia. I bumped into his mother one day last spring and she told me, that his father and she were going over to visit the lad. She also told me that he had a girlfriend?!?

About two months ago… surprise! Surprise! Who arrived home but this guy? Back for good I’d heard, no girlfriend. I spotted him at a gathering but he did everything in his power to avoid me, I can understand that.

But now he’s moved in with a member of my family, his new girlfriend?!? This happened so fast that I didn’t even know that they were going out. Everyone is telling me they’re,” so happy”, “they're in love”, a whirl wind romance!?!

What to do!?! I believe at the end of the day that his sexuality is his business, not mine, and he did speak to me in confidence.

Then again he is with a member of my family and there is her to consider.
I really don’t know what to do. I have no intention of saying anything to her or anyone else, should I approach him and ask him what’s going on? Or just say nothing?

stephen_n

What can you say as you are only in possession of some facts and there are a lot of blanks. He may be gay, he may be bi he may be a lot of things but there is no way that you can get involved in this without causing damage. If you find yourself in a position of knowledge that compromises you, as in finding out he is cheating then you may have to re-examine your stance but at the moment what exactly can you say? That at some point this guy confided in you that he may be gay? You will stand to risk an aggressive backlash from both him and this member of your family with very little chance of any positive outcome I would imagine!

Beruthiel

That's a tough one Dub.
There is a chance he could be bi.
You could hope that he works things out in his head.
To play with your female relatives feelings like this is terribly selfish if he is using her to hide who he really is.
If you get the chance, I would see nothing wrong with saying that to him.

floggg

I'd say talk to him. Remember, he was the one who came to you with this, it's not like you went prying into his life.

It may not be advisable to talk to your family member at this stage - id wait to see what he has to say for himself first. I wouldn't do anything to needless hurt or upset him. But at the same time you don't want to see your family member strung along or hurt.

jaffacakesyum

I second talking to him about it first. He may tell you that he's bi and that's ok. If that's the case you might want to ask him if he would consider telling his girlfriend this? Obviously I wouldn't go advocating telling your family member (his gf) as it's his business, not yours.

It's a difficult one because I doubt he will tell you he's gay if that is the case. If he does, and he maintains he wants to stay with his girlfriend as a cover, then I think you have every right to intervene as it is only hurting your family member

But again, just talk to him first

DubArk

stephen_n wrote: »

What can you say as you are only in possession of some facts and there are a lot of blanks.

I agree and it is the blanks that are important to this.... It's easy for me to fill them in and get it so wrong!

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I second talking to him about it first. He may tell you that he's bi and that's ok. If that's the case you might want to ask him if he would consider telling his girlfriend this? Obviously I wouldn't go advocating telling your family member (his gf) as it's his business, not yours.

It's a difficult one because I doubt he will tell you he's gay if that is the case. If he does, and he maintains he wants to stay with his girlfriend as a cover, then I think you have every right to intervene as it is only hurting your family member

But again, just talk to him first

Thank you for your responses. Yes that’s the crux of the matter, I would of course have no worries at all if he’s bi but he stated that he was gay and I fear that this is all a cover-up.
I shall hold off. With Christmas coming up, we’ll be in each others company quite a lot; maybe he’ll pluck up the courage and speak to me then.

Louisevb

Leave well enough alone.....don't touch with barge pole...get my drift? If you do it will end in tears.