drunken kiss

LegacyUser

is a drunkin kiss just a kiss.my story is my g/f of 7 years was away last weekend and ended up kissing a guy on the dance floor before her friends pulled her away. she told me a week later in tears after a night out with other friends.im really thrown by it all tbh i just feel so let down and also why did it happen now. we have,nt talked in 3 days as im not ready to talk yet ,any advise would be great cheers

daybyday

I think only you can come to that decision. The question is not if you should be hurt or not. You are. The question is whether you are ready to move on from here. Are you ready to forgive her? Are you ready to stay calm next time she's out with her friends? Is she ready to be a bit more reassuring now until things get back to normal?
All the best.

BraziliaNZ

happened to me once, girl did that and i found out. Things were never really the same afterwards. I think she's mad for telling you, I mean a kiss is just a kiss, it can be drunken and harmless, but now that you know it could cause all kinds of insecurities and problems.
Try to forget about it and move on, don't let it eat away at you.

A0

guest 12345 wrote: »

is a drunkin kiss just a kiss.my story is my g/f of 7 years was away last weekend and ended up kissing a guy on the dance floor before her friends pulled her away. she told me a week later in tears after a night out with other friends.im really thrown by it all tbh i just feel so let down and also why did it happen now. we have,nt talked in 3 days as im not ready to talk yet ,any advise would be great cheers

Talk to her, might be worth giving a second chance as it's a long term relationship... and at least she told you about this. The main thing is to try to start from there and tell her to drink moderately or not at all, full stop.

Payton

What she done was wrong, she has admitted it and by the sounds of it, its hurting her too, TBH it must have been hard for her to tell you. Do you think you can move on from this, is there enough love and trust in your relationship?
Talk to her about her drinking (if its an issue in your relationship) and what's expected of her as a couple, the do's and donts.
All the best.

Bodhidharma

As you said her friends "pulled her away", thats not a good sign. That would be mine big concern, if they didn't what would have happened?

Its a tough one, but if it is just a once off then you can move on, depends on how you react to it though.

Peanut2011

OP I know I'm going to go against majority here but the issue is not if you can get over it, forget it and move on. The issue is can you trust her again???

Without trust there is no relationship, especially as this is a long term relationship. I'm not telling you what you should do as only you can make that choice but if that was me I would be gone.

And before anyone starts telling me I would over react, at the end of the day her friends pulled her back?? Too many people use drink as an excuse.

But that is just me, you need to see this for what it is to you and what you think the relationship you have is worth to you. I will give her some credit the fact that she came to you and told her rather than you finding out elsewhere however she still betrayed your trust.

Ickle Magoo

Unfortunately, I don't think this is one anyone can really advise you on OP because some would instantly forgive and others never would - so it really comes down to you and how big a betrayal to get over you find it.

Either talk it out or take some time - whatever suits you best. You need to work out if you feel you really can draw a line under it and move on and not be looking over your shoulder second guessing every night out she has until the mistrust and resentment at feeling that way drives you apart.

All the very best.

Starokan

Nasty situation for you op . As others have said its really only you can make this decision as only you know exactly how you feel.

My thoughts would be she was obviously wrong to do what she did, but in fairness she came clean to you , she probably didn't need to do this as in all likelihood her friends would not have landed her in it.

I cant imagine how you are feeling, it must be awful but is it really worth throwing away 7 years without trying to work through it.

Don't underestimate the influence of alcohol here, i know many will say its not an excuse but for some i believe it genuinely is. Alcohol lowers inhibitions for sure but taken in enough quantities it results in decent people doing things that they would never attempt or want to do in a million years. People suffer blackouts yet can function normally enough without recalling a thing.

A weekend away is usually a time where far more alcohol is consumed than normal and could have been the catalyst for her behavior. Many people will say that the alcohol lowered her inhibitions enough to allow her to do something she actually wanted to do anyway. I'm not certain at all that this is the case.

Anyhow only you can decide what to do and i wish you well

homerjay2005

just a question, does she remember this herself? i.e. was she sober when this happened and she remembers it and she is 100% sure this happened? the fact the words "pull her off" makes me a bit cautious, that somebody is exagerating somewhere.

ive seen a serious problem caused recently where a girl was led to believe that she did the same thing, she told her boyfriend who then broke up with her. the whole thing turned out to be 100% untrue, the girl was drunk but did nothing wrong. one of her friends made the story up and was found out.

how long did the kiss last, we talking one second, 10 seconds, longer? i know some people will say a kiss is a kiss and if your drunk is no excuse, but IMO, they all make a huge difference. the fact that she told you, means i believe she didnt want it to happen.

The Lovely Muffin

Bodhidharma wrote: »

As you said her friends "pulled her away", thats not a good sign. That would be mine big concern, if they didn't what would have happened?

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP I know I'm going to go against majority here but the issue is not if you can get over it, forget it and move on. The issue is can you trust her again???

I agree with these two quotes OP.

Personally if my partner kissed someone else while on a night out, regardless of how drunk he may have been, I wouldn't give him a second chance, I'd leave him because I simply wouldn't be able to trust him or believe anything else he says.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, horrible situation to be in.

Please Kill Me

I'd be showing her the door!! End of. There's no excuse for that. She obviously doesn't love you if she does that. It doesn't matter how drunk anyone is, they can't say they didn't know what they were doing!

Payton

@ homerjay, the issue is not how long the kiss lasted. There is a line that shouldn't be crossed as a couple, a kiss is a kiss and for a friend to pull her away seems bad enough. We can only go on what the OP has posted.

nowyouresix

A drunken kiss....in front of her friends...who had to pull her away...hmmmm...

-10 for being so drunk
-20 for kissing him in the first place
-20 for doing it in front of her friends who know she's in a relationship
-50 for having to be pulled off yer man.

It's really humiliating for you if you ask me, but...

+100 for her actually coming clean and telling you

So it's balanced out there...
It's up to you to think about your future with her now.
Im guessing that you want to forgive her and you want to try work it out, but there are issues there you didn't yet see, aren't there.

Don't make a snap decision.
Best of luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke

nowyouresix wrote: »

A drunken kiss....in front of her friends...who had to pull her away...hmmmm...

-10 for being so drunk
-20 for kissing him in the first place
-20 for doing it in front of her friends who know she's in a relationship
-50 for having to be pulled off yer man.

It's really humiliating for you if you ask me, but...

+100 for her actually coming clean and telling you

So it's balanced out there...
It's up to you to think about your future with her now.
Im guessing that you want to forgive her and you want to try work it out, but there are issues there you didn't yet see, aren't there.

Don't make a snap decision.
Best of luck.

Think you gave too many points for coming clean. She may have only done that out of fear one of her mates would say something.

I'd be gutted. I'd suspect she'd done it before and be likely to do it again. By getting back with her you are on one level condoning it.

R.D. aka MR.D

To be honest op i would be thinking about the underlying reason that she may have done this.

'a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts' and all that if you know what I mean.

Is there anything in your relationship that would make her want to do this? Is she fed up? Are you guys in a rut?

It's no excuse for her going off and kissing some one else but figuring those things out might help you decide if the relationship can be saved or if both of you would be better off if you called it a day.

Vicxas

Hmmmm, I know she came clean and all but like they say being drunk is no excuse.

OP its completely up to you which way you decide, but you have to decide wether you can trust her. Thats the major question

Virgil°

Honestly I wouldn't put much nearly as much stock in the fact that she told you as the others here have. She did it in front of a group of girls. Even if they were her friends the chances of something like this not getting back to you at some stage would be extremely slim and i'd say she knew this.
Ie.......the only reason she told you, in my opinion, is to pre-empt the news
that was coming anyway.
As another poster said, can you trust her again? Remembering that at some stage in the future she will be out with her mates again by herself.

S23

It all boils down to trust. Can you trust her again when shes out and about without you? You can't (and shouldn't) expect her to never go out without you again. So knowing she'll be out and having a few drinks in the future at some stage are you comfortable with that or will you be at home climbing the walls?

I'd agree with the idea her owning up was down to the fact it was probably going to come out eventually. Regardless of whether or not all the girls were her friends, and wouldn't be in a rush to run to you and tell you, it was more than likely going to come out. It's not like no one that saw it was never going to speak about it again. Word gets around.

Also being drunk is never an excuse. If you can't behave yourself when you drink then you shouldn't do it. If drinking makes you do things that impact on your personal relationships then it's time to knock it on the head.

Maybe she could quit drinking as some sign of good faith and that might help you deal with this? Maybe not though. The trust issue is the main one.

Ham Sambo

At least she told you, Some people do rather silly things when they are tanked up. it's not such a big deal.

LegacyUser

Hey OP sorry to hear about that it aint a good place for you to be in.

What gets to me that I also dont like is the fact it took her a week to tell you.
Also she told you after a night out with other friends.

So she wasnt sitting in reflecting and regretting it? Nah off she went on another night and then came clean. Sounds like crocodile tears to me in case it came out.

What I'd be looking to (if I were you) is how many times over that last few days has she tried to talk, and specifically what language she used. In order to guage whether she has genuine regret for the action, or reject that she'd be found out eventually.

Good luck with your decision