recently single

LegacyUser

Annoy for this one and sorry if its a long one

I have no problem with being single. My ex broke up with me back in august and there were a few reasons. I had suspected for a few weeks that she wanted out of the relationship! I was going through a hard time and Im the first to admit I was on a downward spiral. I'm not being smart but not a bad spiral like some stuff you would read here but I was in a bad place with some personal goings on. I wasn't mean or treated her badly but did have my moments as we all do. One of the main reasons was her ambition for (mature)study and the long distance between us (which was 200k). She wanted to concentrate on herself and through her own admission she hadn't been supporting me as much as she should have had she been in love with me.

I was sick, very pis$ed off cause for the previous 2 years all I did was support and help her through every little issue she had. I had one ongoing issue for a year and she just packed it in and I just felt sickened by her behaviour and thought it was so selfish.

Since it happened I have thought to myself Im over it. From day one I just said fcuk it this isn't as important as what was currently going on in my life. Family death. So that was that until today. All the feelings I had when we broke up came flooding back and I am filled up with so much anger because AFAIK she may have moved back to my home town. I didn't really believe the distance issue if I am honest I just knew she obviously fell out of love. I am just so annoyed and maybe I'm not over it as much as I thought.

What I need to know is am I wrong to feel angered or am I just being a clown? And how the hell do I stop myself from feelin so annoyed at it all?

BraziliaNZ

You just have to accept it. People fall out of love. Or she may not have been in love with you ever. The timing may have been wrong, the circumstances were bad but she couldn't change how she felt and she did the best thing by breaking up with her.
The only thing you can do now is improve yourself and make sure you don't make the same mistakes with the next girl - i.e. don't stress her out, don't put her under pressure, sounds to me like that's what you were doing. Am I right? They don't like that.

LegacyUser

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

i.e. don't stress her out, don't put her under pressure, sounds to me like that's what you were doing. Am I right? They don't like that.

I dont see this in the OP's post

IMO the OP is justified in being angry, he supported her, she didnt support him.
Angry is good in my book, it means something was wrong and upsetting for a reason but its what we do in response that matters.

Focusing the anger into a productive way, a learning way. #
Not on her (forget the she was X she was Y)
focus on you (what have I learnt, why am I angry I let it happen , how to be different etc)

LegacyUser

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

The only thing you can do now is improve yourself and make sure you don't make the same mistakes with the next girl - i.e. don't stress her out, don't put her under pressure, sounds to me like that's what you were doing. Am I right? They don't like that.

Haha I understand why you would say that given the post I wrote when reading it back but that is not the case at all. I am very laid back and don't stress myself out never mind stress her out so your wrong actually. I spent most of my time (when it was me going through coming to terms with a terminal illness within my family) helping her though lots of her problems and supporting her to the hills and I guess I am just angry that when I needed similar it was nowhere to be found from her end. Is that very wrong of me? Don't see how that is me stressing her out and putting her under pressure! Very insensitive of you :P I do agree with you though that she could not carry on if it was a lie.

On top of that given what I was going through I don't think I was even being serious or pushy for the support cause like anyone else in my position in a relationship I just expected it and I guess that's what has me so annoyed. I wasn't looking for pity but I just expected more from my partner which I suspect anyone in this forum would hope for from their better halves. Am I wrong?


Has anyone experienced anything similar?

stek

hiya, first up, was in the same position as yourself this year, its called denial. and is a REAL stage in a break up.

The previous post, although well meaning is far too harsh and insensitive.

There is not much I can say to really help you, but I'm sure she DID love you but unfortunately now she does not see feel the same.

About your last 2 years supporting etc., Im afraid(like a dodgy motor) you need to write it off. Try not to focus on your 'downward spiral' as the reason for the breakup, In my opinion im 99% sure it played only a small part in her reasons.

Mate,
The most important thing at this moment is to look after yourself mentally. Try be 100% honest with yourself about everything going on in your head. Realize that you are blaming yourself for her change of heart.
You will no doubt analyze your past behavior, things you might have said, things you should not have said, times you should have behaved differently etc., please take my word for it, these are not the answer!! and are ultimately useless and more importantly of zero help to you!.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS! FECK EVERYTHING ELSE!

Take care.