is it self esteem or something else?

subscriber

I constantly worry about what others are thinking of me, adjusting body language and tone of voice to suit certain situations and its different wen talking to different people. Im always obsessing what others want me to be like, how they want me to behave, who they want me to be and adjusting my personality accordingly depending on who I am talking to. Its a real struggle every day. I never put myself first and on rare occasions wen i do, I feel guilty about it, even it if its coming to a compromise about something trivial with something, I think, jesus, i really should have let them have what they want. Always thinking of others needs ahead of myself.

I also get very clouded judgement and decision making ability goes out the window, i wouldn't be able to choose between what i want for dinner in the evening. I hate it wen people are standing behind me as I feel they are watching me, although if put in front of a class of people I would be able to force myself to speak, ect which is a little bonus i suppose, prob is I would be analysing the performance constantly for hours to come.

I also get quit poorly wen interacting with people and find myself really struggling to comprehend what they are saying, even over the most simple things. I just start to panic because i know it will soon be my time to talk and i am more focused on what i will say rather than absorbing the conversation and just letting a natural response come out.

I get ok days but most are a real struggle and i do tend to be exhausted by the end of the day from the stress of being too much in my head and being over analytical.

How can make my life more about me and less about what the person next to me wants me to be?

mikemac1

Common enough OP, I see a lot of myself in there

You seem to be a student OP. Anyway when you are doing projects or even when you start working you need to lose the whole "eager to please" and "if I do everything for them they will like me" attitude.
Not trying to be harsh, I've done it myself

What will happen is people may like you but they won't respect you, you'll become a doormat and end up doing the donkey work. And one day you'll snap as you get sick of playing the martyr

So my advice would be head to Toastmasters OP

It's all good fun and people are there for good reasons
And you'll learn a bit about coming across as more confident.

I also get quit poorly wen interacting with people and find myself really struggling to comprehend what they are saying, even over the most simple things.

Just down to confidence realy. If you tell yourself you'll feck up the task then you will and if you tell yourself you'll do it no bother then it'll just flow, no probs.


Your post reads very much like a person with low self-esteem. Try out the Toastmasters anyway. You have lots more to work on and other posts will have different angles

subscriber

its my social self i need to change, as u mentioned, I HAVE been a "doormat" for many years and anything else would strange to me. I dunno how I got myself into this pattern , or made myself into this type of person but this is me now and constant over analysis of everything and everyone around me is part of every day life. Im an over-thinker.

Anyway random babbling is not going to achieve anything , more assertive is what i need to be although i dunno how to change myself.

LegacyUser

It sounds like you might have a little of social anxiety, theres groups in the Mater or cbt may help. Google it and see does the symptoms sound like you.

Good luck with it, I sympathise as I know how difficult it is. Its not as easy as doing toastmasters though Im afraid. Well it wasnt for me anyway.

Ickle Magoo

OP, if you want a diagnosis then you need to make an appointment with your GP.

We are not qualified to tell you whether it's your self-esteem or something else, you would be better off to avoid internet diagnoses and ask a professional.

All the very best.