What can I do?

LegacyUser

I sometimes lurk on boards although I haven't for a while, but I feel like I have to write this here. I'm undergoing severe social isolation at the moment, and I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be which I'm not able to get out of. I emigrated a few months back, and have PR in the country I came to, however I lost my first and only job after 4 weeks (mostly my own fault, unable to settle into it properly) and have been job hunting since with no success. I came out here on my own, hoping to meet friends, meet a nice girl and have an active life, but so far I've struggled, haven't met anyone I can talk to or go for a pint with, and I'm basically stuck on my own 24/7 with no idea what to do- even the Irish clubs I've been in, people are very cliquey and no one really bothers to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

I'm also losing contact with my friends back home and my family, I haven't heard from them in a while, and it seems like they don't give a ****, to put it bluntly. If I was able to I'd go back home, because this experience has been a total failure, but I can't afford it and have no choice but to try and find a job with a dodgy qualification and no skills or work experience. I really have no idea what to do when my small savings run out and what to do about my social isolation, because I'm beginning to feel like my sanity is ebbing away at times. Thoughts anyone??

echosound

First off, if you really and truly want to come back home but don't have the funds to and are running out of savings fast, don't be too proud to call your family and tell them it's not working out and you want to come home - chances are they may be willing to scrabble up some cash for you to help you fund your travel back home, and you can pay them off once you get back on your feet at home, while you have your security net of friends and family around you.

There is no shame in admitting things are not working out and you want to come home, I know plenty of people who've been in your position and their families have almost always managed to work something out regarding finance to get them on a plane back home. No-one likes to see their friend/family member stuck in a rotten situation.

They probably aren't contacting you as much as you'd like as they may think you are busy settling into life in your new country and are letting you get on with things? Can you contact them relatively easily - do you have skype or suchlike, or is it very expensive to make phonecalls etc and perhaps that's why they might not be contacting you a whole lot? Maybe if you get into a routine of calling your family or friends on a certain evening twice a week, they'd be only delighted to hear from you and reciprocate?

As for trying to make a go of things where you are now - I know it's trite, but are there any clubs or groups at all you could join - sporting or otherwise? Even groups you might not immediately think of - say, a book club in a library? A creative group (drama, film club, art classes, festival organisers who always need volunteers)? Volunteer for something such as a charity who run meals on wheels, a youth group, get involved in becoming an adult literacy tutor? *don't know if the country you are living in is english speaking, or if you are fluent in the language if it is not, obviously this will have some bearing on if you can do the above or not).

Check the local papers for events that are happening in your area, even an art exhibition opening, there's always people willing to have a little chat at those, and you could end up talking to someone interesting and hearing about other events that you could go to as well.

I'd be pretty certain if you do some of the above that you'd meet at least one other person that's in the same boat as yourself (looking to meet a new friend, possibly new to the area themselves) who'd be only delighted to strike up a friendship and start widening their social circle. And of course you could start "networking" there for work too - someone might know in passing of a job going, if you happen to throw it out there in the course of conversation that you are looking for work..

Are there any "local" internet forums you could post on, loads of forums organise regular meet-ups


I don't know what work you are looking for at the moment, but would you be able to pick up some hours doing barwork or working in a coffeeshop etc, double whammy of getting you some cash, getting a bit of work experience (even if it's not what you're aiming for long-term) and getting you in contact with people, even if it's just chatting to a few people as they sit at the bar having a pint?

I don't really have any other good suggestions, I just wanted to say well done on being brave enough to up sticks and move to a new country and try to make a go of things alone - it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, and it takes courage to do it and tenacity to stick it out when you are having a rought time of it. Again though - no shame in realising you want out and in asking for help to do so.

Hopefully someone else might have some better advice for you soon. The very best of luck and I hope you start to catch a break soon, it can sometimes feel like you're losing a bit of your sanity alright when you're spending a lot of time on your own in a place you're not overly familiar with, but battle on and you might find that you will find your place and start to make some friends and get some work rolling in.