Two ex boyfriends. One single girl.

LegacyUser

Hey guys. Long time poster/reader. 20.

Bit confused at the moment. Didn't know where to turn, friends would kill me if they knew what was going on in my head. They tell me get on with it and I have everything going for me - looks, confidence, smarts, fun - but I don't buy it.

Boyfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago. Gave no legit reason.
I'm gutted. Thought he was for keeps for a good while but he turned on me completely.

Added my other ex on facebook recently. A relationship I screwed up a year ago because of miscommunication(had suspicions of him playing around and I never expressed my concerns... I ended it then tried to back track - a mess in other words)

Tried to strike up conversation but he's been fairly blunt/uninterested as I hurt him back in the day. He has a new girlfriend and I have never been so jealous.

Jealous and lonely.
Two guys I felt belonged somewhere in my future/life. I got the "feeling/vibe" etc with both of them(Ive had other flings/boyfriends etc - nothing ever caught me like these two)

Over the last 4 weeks I have been so lonely and empty. My recent ex boyfriend used to make me feel so loved and cared for. I also was good towards him and he seemed quite happy but then ended it and has avoided me since.

And ever since, Ive started thinking about my ex from last year and what an idiot I was...

At the moment, I feel Ive been left behind. And I feel I will never be with anyone else. I assume since my recent ex has not crawled back in the last 4 weeks, he couldnt give a toss about me.

Sorry I'm confused. But why am I feeling like this? Pining for two men who have moved on?
Why don't I have faith in any future guy I may encounter? Everything feels like a lie. Love isnt what I imagined.

Sorry, I'm trying to make sense but blatantly am not.

Kimia

Why do you want a man to crawl for you? I would take this opportunity to be single for a while because it sounds like you really are just pining to be loved, by anyone. It's sad and I feel for you, so treat this as a great chance to work on yourself. You don't need anyone else to love you. Work on realizing that and you'll be ok.

Firetrap

At a guess, you're feeling lonely and instead of believing that you're good enough to meet someone new, you're looking back at these two previous relationships and trying to fix things retrospectively.

You are still only 20 years of age, for heaven's sake. You've still got plenty of time to meet someone else. Chalk what has gone before up to experience and move on.

LegacyUser

I feel I've lost.

My friends keep saying "their loss" etc but... I feel like the loser?
I dont feel good enough to meet someone else because these two guys didnt feel I was good enough to fight for or make effort for? The old ex from last year gave up on me and my recent ex ran off for god knows what!

I imagine I will not trust easily ever again and my faith is gone too.
It was important for me to find a real relationship to trust as virginity is an issue.
I feel, especially after my recent ex, I will find no one simply because he seemed perfect? As for the other guy, I thought about/missed him for months until my recent guy.

mathproblem

Breakups are hard... they take time... probably more than four weeks

revisit the scenes of past crimes if you feel you must but you know and everyone knows that it won't end well

you'll meet someone that gives you those feelings again someday, probably after a couple of rebounds and some/many nights out cyring into your last drink while bending the ear off one of your girlfriends(who's sick of hearin it) for the umpteenth time about what a fool you've been and how you let 'the one' go... twice

time is the only healer for what u got!

ps. you haven't been "left behind" at 20 ffs

Partizan

Jesus H, OP, calm down on the overracting will ya. I'm 34 and single with many loves and near misses behind me if that is any consolation to you. I have gone through the mill so many times over the last decade or so that although painful, it has been a great learning curve for me. Women have come and gone but I'm still here. You know what has happened to you is part of life. Thats the beauty of it. It might not seem appropriate to you now but when you look back at what happened in a few years time, you will chuckle away to yourself at to what all the fuss was about. Chin up, dust yourself off and you will meet someone who will love you. Trust me.

LegacyUser

What do I work on while single?

I feel heartbroken even thinking of my recent ex moving on. I know its going to happen for him but I dont exactly have guys running as I dont know how to get them chasing me.
And as for my old ex, I regret breaking up..

echosound

confusedgirl11 wrote: »

As for the other guy, I thought about/missed him for months until my recent guy.

Read this again. You wrote it yourself. Now apply this to your current situation...

You will meet someone else again at some stage, you will like them, you may even love them, and you will forget all about any ex. You are only 20!!

A lot of people haven't even had one steady BF/GF yet at your age. I'm not trying to be dismissive because of your age, BTW, I was in a (at the time I thought) pretty serious, 5 year long, living-together relationship at that age, but it was not a good relationship at all so I ended it (and it was a messy and bad end). I did however go on with my life, and when I was 23 I got together with the man I knew I'd end up marrying (which I did).

Just pointing out you have your whole life ahead of you yet!. Plenty of time to enjoy being single for a while, and plenty of time to find someone you want to have a relationship with in the future. You don't need to be in a relationship 100% of the time. You are feeling down because your previous ex didn't come "crawling back" to you recently even though he has a GF - however you yourself didn't go crawling back to him while you were happy with your most recent ex, so don't be dwelling on him. Look to the future and enjoy your life, you don't need to be part of a couple to enjoy life. That will come when the time is right.

I am a friend

confusedgirl11 wrote: »

What do I work on while single?
..

You work on not desperately needing to have a boyfriend and on being happy in yoru own skin. You strike me as one of these girls who doesnt know who she is and who identifies herself based on her relationship status. This is hugely unhealthy....

Do some courses. Go out with your friends and enjoy being on your own. You will be tied down for long enough.

Pebbles68

OP Please pay attention to what everyone is telling you. Relax, enjoy life, you are only 20. I didn't meet the man I'm with until I was mid 30's. Before then I hadn't even been asked out on a date for nearly 6 years(I travelled a lot with work)
Your ex's are exactly that, ex's. Stop obsessing about the past so that when the right guy comes along you have your eyes open and you see what's infront of you.

LegacyUser

Hey guys.

I guess I want male attention in a romantic light. Who doesnt. Im that girl who seems to go through a drought after one guy. Dont have a guy for another few months. Is that normal?

Also, I find scoring randomly quite meaningless. Ive been drunk etc recently and have done it and felt so awful afterwards. Quite trampy(I felt myself, IMO, it doesnt suit me. Not that other girls who do it are, but I acted like one by swaying about drunk like a gowl)

Ive felt, for a long time, invisible to boys. They never saw me as a girl. Attractive girl.
I guess once one or two saw, I got a bit carried away.

Ive never been leading lady. I want to be but everytime I think I am, I get let down or dumped.

My mind is a bit weird. I know its their loss and I know its not about some other girl etc etc- but I dont ever believe it? I need to start copping on or Im never gonna have that great relationship! I just dont know how...


I guess, I should work on my weight. Got a glimpse yesterday of myself in the dressing room and honestly, didnt blame them. There are better girls around campus.
When Im with guys, I try to stretch the physical action out(partially cause of virginity but because of my body) cause Im not too confident in my body. Im slim and tall but not toned at all Bit crappy at 20..

Cant help but think Im not fighting against another "girl" that has "stolen" my ex boyfriends, but perhaps its the better version of myself I secretly know I should be.

Anyway, I find it very hard to meet nice guys. I think Im attracting the wrong type the more I think about it! How do I start attracting nice, balanced minded guys?

Sorry for gibberish.

fallen01angel

Hi OP,
Just to echo what been posted previously.You are 20 not 220,it may not seem like it at the mo but you have your entire life ahead of you to meet the man of your dreams.You should be spending you 20's living your life carefree,travelling if possible,having fun with your friends etc not pining away for guys that were very unlikely to be your "happy ever after". The problem with re-hashing the past is that sometimes we tend to view it through rose tinted glasses,leave the past where it belongs....in the past.

My advice to you is this:

• Stop reliving the past.
• De-friend exes from facebook.
• Get fit (for you,not a man) it's a great way to keep a mind occupied.For the record the vast majority of guys never even notice these "flaws" we women are so hung up on.
• Curb your drinking cos A) It's not good for you from a safety point of view and Guys/Girls so drunk that they "sway" is never going to attract anyone decent.
• Just enjoy hanging out with yours friends.

Take care OP.:)

jameshealy19

happens to most people. Its life.
You need to stop living in the past, a time in the past that doesn't exist anymore and focus on the present