Self Esteem Issues with Men

LegacyUser

I'm a twenty one year old girl basically I'm only happy when I have a boyfriend or seeing somebody. I was recently dumped by somebody for various reasons but the first thing I checked was to see if I put on weight to see if that's the real reason he dumped me, I feel unhappy all the time people constantly tell me I'm really pretty and have a killer body but then I cant understand when things go wrong with men, I feel that I must be fat and ugly. Sorry if that comes across arrogant its only what other people tell me, I feel ugly 90% time unless I have a man.

I don't know how to feel happiness on the inside if that makes sense, I feel like I'll only be happy when I have a boyfriend again to help boost my self esteem and make me feel wanted, to be honest I just want to be loved. If anybody has any advice it would be greatly appreciated, just feeling very low again sometimes during my low stages I throw up after meals because I feel guilty for eating.

nowyouresix

OP: Sorry you're feeling down, but at 21, you should be out there enjoying your youth! It is understandable that you get validation from having a man, but you should work on improving your perception of yourself. Are you suffering from bulimia also? What is it that has you disliking yourself so much?
I think that you can turn your self doubt around, with help. Have you considered counselling?
Best of luck !

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply, I'd feel like I was insulting people who actually are bulimic if i said i had it. I do this every so often it could be every six months it could be every weeks, its like I get angry at myself for not being a size 8 or 6. I feel unhappy mainly at the moment I miss my ex and feel like I can only get over it by having another boyfriend.I've talked to my doctor about certain issues and its helped but the good feeling I get from it only last a few hours and I'm back to square one again.

confused inside

confused inside wrote: »

when things go wrong with men, I feel that I must be fat and ugly

I don't know how to feel happiness on the inside

I hate to sound so cheesy, but until you learn to be comfortable with yourself, it's unlikely you'll be able to stay in a happy relationship. You might think you do, but you don't need a guy to validate you. Your problem with men isn't that you're fat or ugly, it's that you're constantly doubting yourself. I've seen friends go down that route, and it always ends up being a huge strain on the boyfriend because he has to constantly validate her, always having to convince her she's pretty, always worrying about her self-esteem.

I know it seems harsh, but whenever you get these thoughts about yourself, you have to just tell yourself "stop it". Smile. Breathe. Relax.

You're great. You're strong. Having a boyfriend is fun, but it is not a necessity, and you just can't afford to be placing your emotional stability in the hands of whatever guy you like.

LegacyUser

I managed to keep my self esteem issues to myself in my last relationship, but I constantly think that any guy will leave me for somebody prettier and thinner, I just don't know when I'm ever going to feel secure or worthy, I want to be loved but I don't feel worthy of love.

gerryk

Contrary to what you seem to believe, attractiveness is not limited to the purely physical. I personally, and I'd be willing to bet many of my fellow men would far prefer a girl who is happy and confident in her skin, regardless of some internal measure of perfection, than one who continually doubts herself and bases her value purely on how she looks.

TBH, your worry about being left for "somebody prettier and thinner" is more likely to be the cause of being left than the actuality of how you look.