Living in my head, how it is for me

giggitygig

Life can be a struggle sometimes when living so much in the head. Consumed by fear and shame it can be tough, thankfully attending a counsellor and talking about it is helping. I've established that there are three forces at play in my head;
One is a critical person, always doubting decisions and ready to criticise and remind me that I'm no good.
One is filled with fear, like a small child who wants to speak up and be heard, but is terrified of what responses I will hear back, resulting in me saying nothing and going back further into my head, and thus allowing that critical voice to come back in and say 'told you so'
The last one is like a voice of hope, one who believes that there is a good strong person in there who can and will achieve anything. This voice is all too much of a stranger to me, but I'm slowly getting to know it and think I might just get on ok with it.

What is going is, the first two are real dominant and determine so much. When the last voice comes in, and I start believing and making changes as a result of it, the first two seem to get annoyed with it. They suddenly 'up the ante' as if to say "where the hell do you think you are going?, get back down here where you belong." Almost as if they don't want to see me doing well, they'll convince me that I am no good, that I'm doomed to live this life of fear and shame and will never amount to more than I already am. The thing that gets to me is I actually believe them.

Does anyone else have this or am I just off my trolley altogether? Maybe I should give the voices names, any suggestions???

thefeatheredcat

I assume that you have spoken to your counsellor on this issue, I'm sure they can shed more light and I think it is something that you should open up with. A lot of people can have a lot going on in their minds, I know I often do and have felt a similar way.

In my experience they're just your conscious thought and a mental self-reflection of yourself within the mind.

The only one worth listening to is the 3rd thought you have put about yourself - that there is a good strong person in there who can and will achieve anything. Put all your focus on that, start telling yourself that and start believing that this is an accurate reflection of yourself, you will get to know it, you will get to understand it and you will grow with your trust within yourself and reflection of yourself.

The other two is just you being doubtful of your own abilities, undermining your own confidence and putting yourself down mentally. It's like constantly thinking "I'm useless, I'm crap at x, y, z, my opinions don't matter, so why vocalise them" which is dangerous negative thinking which within the 2nd one you mention allows for you to retreat in asserting your external voice because you don't have confidence in yourself.

Start listening to that positive aspect that is you telling you really positive things, open that aspect up by listening to it and allowing yourself to hear it. Listen hard enough and you will find yourself altering your own self-perception and venturing your thoughts externally that you won't be afraid of the responses you get, and even if the response isn't what you expected (either positive or negative) you will be by then, strong enough to cope with how you feel in relation to that.

giggitygig

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

I assume that you have spoken to your counsellor on this issue, I'm sure they can shed more light and I think it is something that you should open up with. A lot of people can have a lot going on in their minds, I know I often do and have felt a similar way.

In my experience they're just your conscious thought and a mental self-reflection of yourself within the mind.

The only one worth listening to is the 3rd thought you have put about yourself - that there is a good strong person in there who can and will achieve anything. Put all your focus on that, start telling yourself that and start believing that this is an accurate reflection of yourself, you will get to know it, you will get to understand it and you will grow with your trust within yourself and reflection of yourself.

The other two is just you being doubtful of your own abilities, undermining your own confidence and putting yourself down mentally. It's like constantly thinking "I'm useless, I'm crap at x, y, z, my opinions don't matter, so why vocalise them" which is dangerous negative thinking which within the 2nd one you mention allows for you to retreat in asserting your external voice because you don't have confidence in yourself.

Start listening to that positive aspect that is you telling you really positive things, open that aspect up by listening to it and allowing yourself to hear it. Listen hard enough and you will find yourself altering your own self-perception and venturing your thoughts externally that you won't be afraid of the responses you get, and even if the response isn't what you expected (either positive or negative) you will be by then, strong enough to cope with how you feel in relation to that.

Hi thefeatheredcat, and thank you very much for the reply. I often think I have way too much therapy in my head so far, but the reality is even though it has been a help until now in it's own way, it's the stuff I'm working through with the counsellor just now that is really me. After the 'on the face of it' work and making a bit of a life for myself, I'm now getting into the 'behind the scenes' work, the stuff that is not there for everyone to see, but in reality it determines how everything is.

Over the last week I've noticed how the different voices come into play, and more importantly how I allow them to take control. The morning after my last session I was in a situation that may have previously caused an onslaught of the first two voices, mainly the 2nd with the 1st right in behind. It felt strange that the only voice coming through was the 3rd. I almost felt myself starting looking for scenarios where 1 and 2 could come in. 3rd voice was going well, then something simple happened which i suddenly made into an ideal situation to bring 1 and 2 in (hope this is making sense). Sitting here now, I'm not kicking myself for it, I'm glad that I'm actually becoming more aware of what's going on in there and how it's coming out.

Just now, sitting here and looking back over the last few days I see where (but not yet how) I've allowed voice 1 to come in, but in a strange way it's not a bad thing. I see what I'm doing and where I'm going with it. I'm allowing myself to get to know these voices and learning where, how, where, when and why they come into play. The strong voice is still in there and letting me know that it's ok, that the others are there but he's still there to take me through a few situations that are on the cards today and that everything is going to be ok.

An example of how it happens is;
I posted this thread on Sunday, and every so often I'd check back in to see how it was going. 19 views, 50 views, 83 views and no replies. I almost asked for replies in a light hearted way by asking for suggestions for the names (I know that part is personal to me, am I looking for inspiration from others in areas only I can do it?), but still nothing. Is voice 1 actually correct in this, am i worthless and no one cares about me so don't bother trying????? I'd try justify this and look at other threads (comparing myself with others??) saying 'well there's only few replies to that one and that one". THEN BANG, A REPLY, party hat was on, I was valuable enough for someone to take the time to reply to something that I feel is quite important to me.

I'm desperately trying to understand the mechanics of me, I hope it's ok to continue to use this forum to help with this. I'm back with my counsellor next week to get back into the nitty gritty.
Does anyone have any suggestions please, maybe been in the same place

Dionysus

Somebody on this forum a while back recommended a book titled The Power of Now by the German author Eckhart Tolle. I ordered it online and started reading it yesterday. I have to say that in terms of developing a greater understanding of myself, I'm blown away by it.

Essentially, Tolle talks about how letting the mind dominate your life gets you tied up in ego, in criticism, in conflict and similarly negative things which descend into a vicious circle. He talks about how this focus on ego over Being is particularly a problem for guys and he then talks about how to free your mind from ego and heighten your consciousness in order to transform your life. My very trite summary of it doesn't do it justice. But if you're open to new ideas and new ways of thinking it could be very enlightening for you. Your local library should have a copy of it that you can read for free.

All the best.

thefeatheredcat

giggitygig wrote: »

Over the last week I've noticed how the different voices come into play, and more importantly how I allow them to take control. The morning after my last session I was in a situation that may have previously caused an onslaught of the first two voices, mainly the 2nd with the 1st right in behind. It felt strange that the only voice coming through was the 3rd. I almost felt myself starting looking for scenarios where 1 and 2 could come in. 3rd voice was going well, then something simple happened which i suddenly made into an ideal situation to bring 1 and 2 in (hope this is making sense). Sitting here now, I'm not kicking myself for it, I'm glad that I'm actually becoming more aware of what's going on in there and how it's coming out.

You're essentially consciously acknowledging the voice/thoughts of 1 and 2 and how they play a part, which is healthy. It's like suddenly acknowledging a subconscious habit where you become so aware of it that you suddenly question that subconscious habit existing, how it come to be, how it operates and why.

It sounds like the counselling is working for you? To have the more positive aspect having a greater role to play is a positive step in the right direction.

giggitygig

Dionysus wrote: »

Somebody on this forum a while back recommended a book titled The Power of Now by the German author Eckhart Tolle. I ordered it online and started reading it yesterday. I have to say that in terms of developing a greater understanding of myself, I'm blown away by it.

Essentially, Tolle talks about how letting the mind dominate your life gets you tied up in ego, in criticism, in conflict and similarly negative things which descend into a vicious circle. He talks about how this focus on ego over Being is particularly a problem for guys and he then talks about how to free your mind from ego and heighten your consciousness in order to transform your life. My very trite summary of it doesn't do it justice. But if you're open to new ideas and new ways of thinking it could be very enlightening for you. Your local library should have a copy of it that you can read for free.

All the best.

Have just been reading up on this now, and look forward to investing in it. Far from a 'trite summary' by the way, the part I highlighted in your reply is what I want to really try and get on top of. Thank you very much for passing this information on to me.

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

You're essentially consciously acknowledging the voice/thoughts of 1 and 2 and how they play a part, which is healthy. It's like suddenly acknowledging a subconscious habit where you become so aware of it that you suddenly question that subconscious habit existing, how it come to be, how it operates and why.

It sounds like the counselling is working for you? To have the more positive aspect having a greater role to play is a positive step in the right direction.

Thanks again for replying thefeatheredcat, I really appreciate you taking the time out to give me feedback and make me see some sense in the things I'm trying to say.

My head and the way I talk to myself has left me in a stage of loneliness as I pushed the people I loved and who loved me away. In a previous relationship I had what I wanted and wouldn't have gave it away for the world, but my head convinced me that I was no good, she didn't really want me and I'd be as well making my excuses and leaving. This same attitude has stopped me moving onto another relationship. Voice 3 tells me that I have so much to offer, but he's just a little whimper in this instance compared to 1 and 2. I'm slowly getting to know me and it's not all bad
I look forward to writing the rest of this novel

thefeatheredcat

giggitygig wrote: »

Voice 3 tells me that I have so much to offer, but he's just a little whimper in this instance compared to 1 and 2.

Then do your best to keep listening to that part and letting that positivity into your life, and believe in yourself.

I've been there. And yes, that strong positive voice is the one to listen to. Because the benefit of doing so, with a bit of courage, support and encouragement, even just a belief in yourself, is something worth working towards.

To have a more positive perception of yourself and self worth, is so invaluable especially when you've denied yourself something beautiful in not believing you were valuable enough to yourself to deserve something beautiful.

So keep going with that, trust in that 3rd voice that tells you positive things about yourself, and do read that book already mentioned if you feel it will help and give you perspective and guidance and do too, talk openly with your counsellor. Positive reinforcement even just by you giving yourself that, or finding things or reading things that do provide that, can go a long way to feeling more positive through positive thoughts.

I think you're going to be alright.... you will overcome the negative thoughts and start accepting the positive thoughts and have them become what rules your thought process.